Night waking & crying in babies and toddlers

Newborns may sleep only 1 or 2 hours at a time, and wake because they need to be fed. The AAP says the best way to handle crying in the first few months is to respond promptly.

Regular sleep cycles start around 4 months. The NHS says some babies sleep 5 to 8 hours or longer at night by now, but not all.

Short wakings between sleep cycles are normal. Some babies drift back off on their own and others call for help.

The AAP says it is normal for a 6-month-old to wake in the night and go back to sleep after a few minutes. Separation worries often grow around 9 months and can bring more night calls.

For some babies aged 6 months to a year, night feeds may no longer be needed. Others still need them. Your baby’s doctor can help you decide.

In the large U.S. study, children who woke most nights at 6 months were waking about 2 nights a week by 15 months. New skills, illness and changes in the day can all bring a rough patch.

By 24 months, most children in the U.S. study woke about 1 night a week. Toddlers may now wake from bad dreams, or get up and come to find you.

Babies wake in the night because they need to be fed, and need fewer night feeds as they grow.

Breastfed babies may wake more. That is not a problem to fix, and the study authors said it does not show one causes the other.

Babies do not have regular sleep cycles until about 4 months. Rocking or holding a baby all the way to sleep may make it harder for some to drift back off when they stir.

Some older babies look for the same help they had at bedtime, like a feed or a cuddle, when they wake in the night.

Illness was linked with more night waking. Being too hot or too cold can also disturb babies.

Most babies show stronger separation anxiety around 9 months, and some toddlers first show it around 15 to 18 months. It is worse when a child is tired, hungry or unwell.

Zero to Three lists new skills, separations, new caregivers and new siblings as things that can disrupt sleep. Most disruptions ease once a child adjusts.

Babies with more intense or “difficult” temperaments at 6 months woke more often in the U.S. study. That is about who your child is, not about anything you did.

The NHS suggests at night

• Keep the lights down low
• Not changing your baby unless they need it
• Not playing with your baby
• Talking very little, in a quiet voice

The AAP adds that if you speak during night feeds and changes, speak softly, and try not to wake your baby fully.

Phrases to try

• “I’m here. You’re safe. It’s sleepy time.”
• “Mom, Dad or Grandma is right here. Shh, shh.”
• “Night-night, love. Back to sleep.”

• Bright overhead lights or phones near your child’s face
• Getting angry. If you feel it rising, it is OK to step away
• Long conversations or play
• Starting something at 3 a.m. you don’t want to keep doing every night

If there are two or more adults, agree who goes in and when, and respond the same way. Babies settle better when everyone follows the same plan.

Your baby’s doctor can check growth and weight gain, and help you decide whether your baby still needs to feed at night. This matters most for babies born early or with health needs.

Call sooner if your baby

• Is losing weight or not gaining
• Seems very hungry or unsettled after cutting back
• Spits up or vomits a lot

Some older babies wake looking for the same help they had at bedtime, such as a feed, rather than because they are hungry.

Clues it may be comfort

• Falls asleep after a minute or two of feeding
• Wakes at the same times every night
• Settles just as well with a cuddle

Ideas families try

• Drop one feed at a time, often the one closest to bedtime first
• Offer a cuddle or pat first, and feed only if your baby is still upset
• Shorten the feed by a minute or two every couple of nights
• Let another adult go in for some wakings, if you have one

Breast milk lowers SIDS risk, and more protection comes with feeding for longer. However you feed, a fed baby is the goal, and night feeds that work for your family are fine to keep.

Place your baby on their back for every sleep until age 1, including after night feeds. Side sleeping is as dangerous as tummy sleeping.

If you think you might fall asleep while feeding or comforting your baby in your bed, the AAP suggests removing pillows and blankets first. When you wake, move your baby to their own sleep space.

Falling asleep with your baby on a couch, soft armchair or cushion can make the risk of sleep-related death up to 67 times higher. If you feel sleepy, put your baby down in their crib.

Keep pillows, quilts, toys and other soft objects out of the sleep space. Use a wearable blanket instead of a loose one. Comfort toys can come later, after the first birthday.

Zero to Three suggests brief reassurance without long chats, and expecting some protest for a while when you make a change.

If your child gets up, keep taking them back to bed with as little fuss as possible. Be consistent, and expect to repeat it for several nights.

Families make different choices about bed sharing once a child is past babyhood. If you want your child to sleep in their own bed, Zero to Three suggests preparing them, offering a comfort object, and moving out gradually over several nights.

A light that changes colour in the morning, or a simple sticker chart for staying in bed, helps some toddlers understand when it is time to get up. Keep praise warm and simple.

Zero to Three suggests doing the bedtime routine in your child’s room, then leaving and checking in briefly every few minutes, without turning on lights or picking them up.

A security object can reassure a child when apart from you. Most children choose one between 8 and 12 months. For safe sleep, keep it out of the crib until after the first birthday.

Nightmares can start as young as 6 months and tend to happen in the second half of the night. The AAP says the best response is to comfort your child, and a light can stay on if it helps.

Night terrors happen in deep sleep, usually early in the night, and are most common in toddlers and preschoolers. Your child won’t remember them. Stay calm and keep them safe.

The NHS advises not trying to wake a child during a night terror. If they happen often, talk with your child’s doctor.

If you share care, split the night so each adult gets one protected stretch. If you are on your own, ask someone you trust to cover an evening or early morning now and then.

Thoughts like “I’m failing” or “this will never end” feel louder at night. Try naming them: “This is a tired thought.” Night waking is common, and most children’s sleep improves over time.

1. Put your baby on their back in the crib, with nothing else in it.
2. Leave the room and take some slow breaths.
3. Call a friend, relative or helpline.
4. Check on your baby every 5 to 10 minutes.
5. Go back when you feel calmer.

If you feel sad, numb, anxious or hopeless most days, or can’t sleep even when your baby sleeps, talk with your own doctor or call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. Partners and dads can struggle too.

Free, confidential support for pregnant and new parents and their loved ones, in English and Spanish, any time of day.

Leave a confidential message and a trained volunteer will call or text you back with support and local resources, including for dads and partners. Text in Spanish: 971-203-7773. It is not a crisis line.

Free, confidential support for anyone in emotional distress. You can also chat at 988lifeline.org.

A free, 24/7 text line with trained crisis counselors.

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) is a free directory of verified helplines in many countries, by phone, text or chat. In the UK, your health visitor can also help with sleep worries.