Young carers

The NHS says young carers may do extra jobs in and around the home, like cooking and cleaning, and help someone get dressed or move around. Many also give emotional support to their parents and siblings.

Other common jobs

• Helping with appointments, phone calls or forms
• Keeping an eye on a parent who is unwell
• Keeping the family calm when things are tense
• Looking after younger siblings
• Translating for a parent who doesn’t speak English well

Young carers are often hidden. Some don’t know there is a name for what they do. Others keep it quiet because they worry about getting their family in trouble, or about being seen as different.

When schools ask, the numbers can be large. In Florida public schools, the AACY reports that about 23.6% of middle school students and 16.4% of high school students give care at home.

Many children in immigrant families translate for parents, sometimes in serious situations like medical visits. A review of 65 studies of nearly 18,000 youth found that how young people felt about translating mattered more than how often they did it.

What helps

• Adults thanking them and noticing the skill it takes
• Not asking children to deliver frightening news
• Using professional interpreters for medical, legal or money matters whenever possible

Children who care for a parent often carry big worries: Will Mom be okay? Will there be enough money? What if something happens while I’m at school? These are adult-sized worries in a young mind.

In a 2022 review, nine of ten studies linked being a young carer with poorer mental health, and some found that more hours of caring went with worse outcomes.

Small ways to recharge

• A regular bedtime, even on busy nights
• Something just for you each week
• Ten minutes of music or a walk
• Time with a friend, in person or online

Young carers may miss parties, clubs and sleepovers, or feel they can’t explain their home life to friends. Some feel embarrassed and keep it secret, which makes it harder to get help.

Social connection seems to protect young carers’ mental health, so friends, groups and trusted adults really matter.

Young people did best when their help felt fair and appreciated. When the load felt unfair or too heavy, they were more likely to struggle.

The NHS says young carers shouldn’t be doing the same caring jobs as adult carers. The heaviest tasks should be shared with adults and services.

Telling one trusted teacher or school counselor can help. They can be more flexible with homework and check in with you. Programs like the AACY’s Caregiving Youth Project show how schools can identify caregiving students and connect them and their families with support.

Things you could ask for

• A quiet place to call home if you are worried
• A regular check-in with the counselor
• Extra time on homework during hard weeks
• Help catching up after missed days

In England, a young carer’s assessment looks at the young person’s education, free time and hopes for the future, not just the caring.

Ideas

• Ask about scholarships for young carers
• Keep one activity you love, even if it’s small
• Talk to a counselor about college or training plans
• Write down one goal for this year

Children often believe they caused a parent’s illness or drinking, or that they should be able to make it better. Neither is true. Illness and addiction are not caused by children.

Things to remember

• Being angry or embarrassed sometimes is normal
• It is okay to love your parent and dislike the illness
• It is okay to talk about it with a safe adult
• You are allowed to have fun even when things at home are hard

When a parent’s mood or behavior changes a lot, children may stay on watch, checking how the parent is before they can relax. Staying on alert for a long time is tiring for body and mind.

What can help

• A trusted adult you can call or visit
• A plan for who to call if a parent is very unwell
• A safe space of your own, even a corner
• Routines you can keep yourself, like bedtime

If a parent is in danger, can’t be woken, talks about ending their life, or if you don’t feel safe at home, get help from an adult straight away.

Strengths young carers describe

• Calm in a crisis
• Deep empathy for people who are struggling
• Practical skills like cooking and organizing
• Problem-solving and patience

Many young carers also describe strong family bonds, resilience and maturity.

Young people did best when their help was appreciated, when the load felt fair, and when they had support from family, friends and their community.

In the U.S., the American Association of Caregiving Youth (AACY) runs the Caregiving Youth Project, which works with middle and high schools to give caregiving students and their families direct support. Through its Caregiving Youth Institute, it also acts as a national resource on caregiving youth.

In England, young carers have rights. The local council must arrange a young carer’s assessment if the young person or their parents ask. It looks at their education, free time and hopes for the future.

In the 2021 Census, about 120,000 children aged 5 to 17 in England, and 8,200 in Wales, were providing unpaid care.

You can

• Ask your family’s doctor or social worker what help is available for the person you care for
• Call or text 988 if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsafe
• Look for a young carers group, where you can meet others who understand
• Tell a trusted adult: a teacher, school counselor, coach, relative or faith leader

Many parents need their children’s help, and there is no shame in that. Research suggests what protects children most is feeling their help is fair, being thanked, and having a warm relationship with their parent.

Small changes that help

• Ask “How are you doing with all this?” and really listen
• Ask your doctor, social worker or community about help for you, so your child carries less
• Keep adult worries (money, relationships) with adults where you can
• Protect time for school, friends, play and sleep
• Say thank you, often and specifically

Young carers may be late, tired, distracted, or behind on homework because of what is happening at home. The NHS notes caring can get in the way of doing well at school.

Programs like the AACY’s Caregiving Youth Project show how schools can identify caregiving students and connect them and their families with support.

What helps

• Ask privately: “Is anything going on at home that makes school harder?”
• Connect the student with the school counselor
• Notice and praise their strengths
• Offer flexible deadlines or a quiet space

You don’t have to fix the family’s situation to help. Giving a young carer a break, a meal, a ride or a listening ear can make a real difference.

Ideas

• Drop off a meal
• Invite the young carer to do something fun, just for them
• Take the younger siblings for an afternoon
• Tell them, “You’re doing an amazing job. And you deserve a break too.”

You can

• Ask your school counselor about support for young carers
• Find other young carers online or in a local group
• Keep some time each week just for you
• Remember none of this is your fault, and you’re not expected to fix everything
• Tell one trusted adult what’s going on at home

Young adult carers often weigh their own plans against what their family needs. There is no single right answer, and plans can change.

Questions to talk through

• What help could the family get if I go?
• What do I want for my own future?
• Who else could share the caring?
• Would part-time study or a nearby school work for me?

Many adults who were young carers notice the effects later: finding it hard to rest, feeling responsible for everyone, or not knowing what they need.