Generational trauma: understanding it

This is the family-level version. A parent lives through something terrible, it is never fully healed, and its effects show up in how they parent, what they fear, and what the family never talks about.

A review of refugee families found that parents’ trauma seemed to reach children who had not been through the war themselves, through things like less emotional availability, harsher parenting, family stress and difficult communication at home.

Researchers describe historical trauma as a collective trauma inflicted on a group of people who share an identity, with psychological, physical and social impacts on later generations.

The idea was first developed to understand Indigenous peoples of the Americas, who endured massive group trauma across generations along with ongoing discrimination, racism and oppression.

Colonisation, slavery, genocide, war and forced removal of children harm not only individuals but also language, land, ceremony and family ties. When those are damaged, the supports people would normally lean on are damaged too.

The Historical & collective trauma guide covers these histories and how communities heal. The Trauma: what it is & how it affects you guide covers trauma after a single event, like a disaster or a shooting.

Children learn coping styles, conflict responses and relationship patterns by watching caregivers. If shouting or hitting was how problems got “solved”, it can come out automatically when you are tired and stressed.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents not to spank or hit children, and says the same holds for yelling at or shaming a child, because harsh physical and verbal punishment can damage a child’s long-term health.

Some families protect each other by never speaking about the war, the death, the prison sentence or the abuse. Children often sense that something is there, but have no words for it. Difficult communication within the family is one of the pathways researchers have found in refugee families.

How silence can show up

• Family stories with missing years
• Fears with no clear source
• Feeling you’re not allowed to ask
• Relatives nobody mentions
• Topics that make the room go cold

Parents who are overwhelmed by their own trauma may struggle to be emotionally available. Reviews of refugee and Holocaust survivor families point to parental availability, parenting and attachment as key pathways.

The Family dynamics guide has a full section on growing up with a parent who couldn’t meet you emotionally.

A SAMHSA report estimated that about 8.7 million U.S. children, roughly 1 in 8, lived with at least one parent who had a substance use disorder in the past year (2009–2014 data). About 7.5 million lived with a parent with an alcohol use disorder.

Children in these homes may learn to stay quiet, keep secrets, take care of adults, or see heavy drinking as normal. Cleveland Clinic lists seeing substance use as normal as one sign of generational trauma.

Cleveland Clinic lists interpersonal violence, using loud voices to express emotions, and responding to conflict with aggression among the ways generational trauma can show up.

Violence is never your fault as a child. As an adult, if you notice it in yourself, that is a reason to get help, not a reason for shame.

Families who lived through famine, war or deep poverty may pass down habits like hoarding food, fear of spending, or never feeling safe even when things are okay. These habits made sense in hard times.

The Money in families & relationships guide covers generational poverty and money beliefs in more depth.

In some families, achievement became a way to feel safe, prove worth to an unfair world, or repay a parent’s sacrifice. Children may feel love depends on grades, success or never making mistakes.

It might sound like

• “Don’t embarrass the family.”
• “Second place is first loser.”
• “We didn’t come all this way for you to fail.”

Some families had no room for sadness or fear because survival came first. Children may grow up not knowing what they feel, or feeling ashamed of crying, needing help or saying no.

Small ways to start changing it

• Ask a child “How did that feel?” and just listen
• Name one feeling a day, for yourself
• Notice where feelings show up in your body
• Say “I’m sad today” out loud to someone safe

A 2019 review of 23 studies found that survivors’ mental health, how children experienced their parenting, and attachment all influenced the wellbeing of survivors’ children. Having two survivor parents was linked to more problems than having one.

The same review found survivors’ children showed more vulnerability to stress, but only when facing actual danger. There were also differences in stress hormone (cortisol) levels.

An earlier large analysis of 32 samples and 4,418 people found no evidence of passed-down trauma in well-designed studies of the general population of survivors’ children. Effects showed up mainly in people who were already seeking help for other stresses.

A systematic review looked at families where parents had lived through war but children had not. Possible pathways included insecure attachment, harsher parenting, parents being less emotionally available, more family stress, and difficult communication within the family.

A study of Cambodian refugee families in the U.S., who survived genocide, described ongoing traumatic stress and strained parent-child relationships across generations, and a strong need to support parents.

A 2014 review found that having a parent or grandparent who attended a residential school was linked with more stressful experiences today and bigger effects of stress on wellbeing. Attendance across several generations of a family seemed to have cumulative effects.

The authors say this supports the idea of historical trauma: harms to a group can build up over generations and combine with today’s stresses.

The CDC says adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can affect health for a lifetime, and these effects can also be passed on to people’s own children. It also says safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments prevent ACEs.

Researchers have long warned against the belief that abused children usually become abusive parents. A classic review called the unqualified acceptance of that idea unfounded, and pointed to many factors that affect whether patterns continue.

That review’s pooled estimate was that about 30% of people abused as children went on to abuse their own children. That is higher than average, and it also means most did not.

A 2016 study measured chemical marks on a stress-related gene called FKBP5 in 32 Holocaust survivors and 22 of their adult children, compared with small control groups. Survivors and their children both showed differences, and their levels were linked.

The study was small. The authors noted that this kind of passing-down had been shown in animals but not yet in humans.

A major 2018 review says studies in humans have not yet shown that trauma effects are inherited through epigenetics. It calls the idea a hypothesis to be tested, and says the strongest evidence so far comes from animal studies.

The same review warns not to mix up the effects of parents’ behaviour with directly inherited effects. Many differences in children seemed linked to parents’ ongoing psychological struggles.

Stress during pregnancy may also play a part. Cleveland Clinic notes that exposure to stress hormones in the womb may make a child more reactive to stress later.

The 2018 review highlights that effects may not be permanent when conditions change. In animal studies, a richer, safer environment reversed some changes, which the authors say shows stress-related changes are “not immutable”.

The authors even suggest some passed-down changes might prepare children for a harsh world, and describe flexibly adapting to the environment as the basis of human resilience.

A study of over 6,000 Wisconsin adults found that people with 6–7 positive childhood experiences had 72% lower odds of depression or poor mental health as adults than those with 0–2. This held even for people who also had adverse childhood experiences.

The positive experiences included things like

• Enjoying community traditions
• Feeling able to talk to family about feelings
• Feeling family stood by you in hard times
• Feeling safe and protected by an adult at home
• Feeling supported by friends
• Feeling you belonged at school
• Having at least two non-parent adults who took a real interest in you

Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child says the capabilities that underlie resilience can be strengthened at any age.

Researchers studying trauma across generations also describe flexibly adapting to your environment as the basis of human resilience.

Family and cultural stories can be a source of distress, and also of resilience: “we survived, and so can you.”

Places wisdom hides

• A dish made for every celebration
• A grandparent’s saying you still repeat
• How your family cares for the sick or grieving
• Skills passed hand to hand, like sewing, farming or fixing things
• Songs, prayers or ceremonies

Being watchful, saving everything, staying quiet or working non-stop may have kept your family safe once. You can thank those strategies and still choose new ones that fit your life now.

Researchers say human studies have not yet shown trauma effects are inherited through epigenetics, and that stress-related changes seen in animals are not fixed.

A classic review found the unqualified acceptance of this belief was unfounded, and outlined many factors that affect whether patterns continue. Its estimate was that about 3 in 10 went on to abuse, so most did not.

In well-designed studies of the general population of Holocaust survivors’ children, researchers found no evidence of passed-down trauma. Effects appeared mostly in people already under other stress.

Cleveland Clinic encourages shifting from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” That question makes room for compassion for everyone in the family line.

Studies in Canada found that family attendance at residential schools across generations was linked with more stress and greater effects of stress on wellbeing today.

Positive childhood experiences were linked with much better adult mental health, even for people who also had hard experiences.

Families can be warm in public and hard in private. Believe what they tell you, even if it surprises you.

Helpful things to say

• “I believe you.”
• “That makes sense, given what you lived through.”
• “Do you want advice, or just someone to listen?”
• “You don’t have to have it all figured out.”

Pressure to forgive, call their parents or “just move on” usually adds guilt. Let them set the pace, and trust that they know their family better than you do.

Telling someone “I saw how calmly you handled that” can mean a lot. People changing family patterns often only notice their slips.

Invite them to your holidays or traditions if family time is hard. Belonging somewhere new can help.

Hearing about someone’s hard past can weigh on you. Keep your own friendships, rest and support, and be honest about what you can offer.