Spiritual abuse by leaders and groups

Thirtyone:eight lists examples such as pressure to give money or volunteer more than you can manage, forced confession of personal sins, demands for secrecy, pressure to conform, and cutting people off from others.

One action on its own may not be abuse. The concern is a pattern that leaves you feeling you have no real choice.

This can look like quoting scripture to justify harm, twisting teaching, warning of divine punishment, or misusing a leadership role.

Because the control is wrapped in faith, it can feel like questioning the leader means questioning God.

Spiritual abuse is often about a leader, but it can also come from a group culture, a small prayer or study group, a spouse or a parent who uses faith to control.

When a whole group runs on this kind of control, the guide “Cults & high-control groups: how they work” explains the bigger picture.

• Accepts that people may disagree and still belong
• Has others who can hold the leader to account
• Is open about money and decisions
• Respects your conscience, family and time
• Says sorry when wrong
• Supports you getting medical or mental health care

These are the opposite of the control patterns described by safeguarding groups and researchers.

• Claims to speak for God in a way no one may question
• Demands secrecy about problems
• Punishes doubt or disagreement
• Puts the group’s image above people’s safety
• Uses guilt, fear or shame to get obedience
• Watches or reports on members’ private lives

Steven Hassan’s BITE Model groups this kind of control into behavior, information, thought and emotion.

Abuse of spiritual authority is one of the markers named by thirtyone:eight. When a leader’s word is treated as God’s word, there is no room left to say no.

Using religious texts to justify harmful behavior is a key feature of spiritual abuse. It can make people feel they are arguing with God when they question how they are treated.

Threatening “divine consequences” to control behavior is a named marker of spiritual abuse. Fear of spiritual punishment can last long after someone leaves.

Thirtyone:eight calls this “enforced accountability,” such as being required to confess personal sins. Healthy confession is freely chosen and kept safe.

Pressure to give money or volunteer beyond what you can manage is listed as a form of manipulation and exploitation.

Generosity is part of many faiths. The difference is whether you are free to say no without being shamed.

Demands for secrecy are a common marker. Phrases like “don’t gossip” or “protect the ministry” can be used to stop people reporting harm.

Isolating people from others and pressuring them to conform are both named markers. Cutting people off makes it harder to get an outside view.

The Baylor research team framed clergy sexual misconduct as an abuse of power rather than a relationship between equals.

When someone is your spiritual guide, counselor or employer, saying no can feel impossible. That is not your fault.

A 2025 review of research on clergy sexual abuse describes “spiritual harm” as its own kind of injury, with spiritual, emotional and psychological parts.

Survivors may lose trust not only in the person who harmed them but in faith communities too.

If a leader or adult in a faith setting touches you sexually, asks for photos, or asks you to keep secrets, tell a safe adult. You can also call or text Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453.

Groups that control thought often teach that doubt itself is a spiritual failure. This keeps people from trusting their own sense that something is wrong.

Speaking up can mean risking your community, your marriage or your job. Thirtyone:eight notes that survivors often lose trust in wider faith communities, not just one person.

Real kindness and real harm can come from the same person or group. Noticing the harm doesn’t erase the good memories, and the good memories don’t cancel the harm.

People in controlling groups are often taught that problems come from their own weakness. Researchers note this makes former members slow to talk about what happened.

A friend, relative, counselor or a leader from a different congregation can listen without the group’s pressure. In a UK survey, people who disclosed spiritual abuse described being believed and listened to as part of a good response.

Notes made close to the time can help if you later decide to report. Keep them somewhere private, such as with a trusted person outside the group.

Some faith organizations have safeguarding policies and people trained to respond. In one UK survey, only about one in three respondents said their church had a policy covering spiritual abuse, so responses vary a lot.

If a child may be being abused, you can contact your local child protective services or police. Childhelp (1-800-422-4453) can talk you through how to report.

If you are in danger right now, call 911 or your local emergency number.

You can take a break from practices that feel loaded, or try them in a new setting. Some people return to them later with fresh meaning. Some don’t, and that is okay too.

Many people find it helps to write down messages they were taught and ask: “Is this what I believe, or what I was told to believe?” The worksheets below can help.

Researchers studying spiritual abuse call for counselors to be trained in religion and faith so they can respond well. Look for someone who is curious about your beliefs, whatever they are now.

ICSA keeps a directory of professionals who understand group control.

If you want a faith community again, it is fine to visit quietly, ask questions about how leaders are held accountable, and leave if something feels off.

Avoid defending the leader or group, even if you know them. You don’t have to have all the facts to offer care.

Pressure in either direction can feel like more control. Let them work out what they believe in their own time.

Small, steady support can mean more than big words. Ask: “What would help right now?”

If a child is at risk, or the person talks about ending their life, get help right away. Call or text 988 for support, or 911 in an emergency.