Connecting with your ancestors & roots

A review of 184 studies of people of colour found that a stronger sense of ethnic identity was modestly linked with better wellbeing, especially self-esteem. The link was a bit stronger for teens and young adults.

Emory University researchers found that children and teens who know more of their family’s stories tend to have higher self-esteem and social and academic confidence, and fewer behaviour problems. What seems to matter is not the facts themselves, but families sharing stories together.

Some traditions speak of different kinds of ancestors. Modern Heathens, for example, describe ancestors of blood, ancestors of culture, and the people who lived on the land long ago.

“Ancestors” can also mean family by adoption or by choice, and people from your community whose courage made your life possible.

• How did you and your partner meet?
• What was the hardest time in your life, and how did you get through it?
• What foods, songs or sayings remind you of home?
• Where did our family come from, and why did they move?
• What do you want the young ones to remember?

• Ask permission, then record a voice memo or video.
• Cook a family recipe together and write down the story behind it.
• Label old photos with names, places and dates.
• Make a simple family tree with the youngest relatives.
• Share stories at gatherings, holidays and anniversaries.

Stories of hardship, like migration, loss or illness, can be painful to hear. Told with care, they can also show how your family got through hard times. Let elders share at their own pace, and it is okay to pause.

In a Pew Research Center survey, about a quarter of DNA test users were surprised by their ethnic background, and about a quarter learned about close relatives they didn’t know about.

Before you test, ask yourself

• How might I feel if results change what I believe about my family?
• Who could I talk to if I find something upsetting?
• Am I ready to be contacted by unknown relatives?

The Federal Trade Commission advises reading a company’s privacy promises, checking whether you can delete your data, and not settling for default settings. Your DNA reveals information about relatives too, and data breaches can happen.

The U.S. government’s Child Welfare Information Gateway has a free factsheet for adopted people and birth families about searching for birth relatives and the issues that can come up.

CDC encourages families to write down their health history, for example at Thanksgiving. It can show a higher risk of conditions like heart disease, cancer or type 2 diabetes, and help your provider suggest earlier screening.

UNESCO recognises this Indigenous festivity, from the end of October to early November, as world heritage. Families believe loved ones who have died return for a short visit, and welcome them with flowers, candles and favourite foods.

At Qingming, or Tomb Sweeping Day, many Chinese families tidy their ancestors’ resting places and leave flowers. At Obon in Japan, families hold memorial services, set out offerings and light lanterns for ancestors’ spirits.

The Catholic Church teaches that the living and the dead remain connected, and encourages prayer for those who have died.

Many Pagans celebrate Samhain, around October 31, as a time when the veil between worlds is said to be thin and a time to remember loved ones who have died.

• Carry on a value they lived by, like generosity or courage
• Cook their recipes on special days
• Keep a photo, name card or keepsake somewhere you see it
• Say their names at family meals or anniversaries
• Visit places that mattered to them

Some people write a letter to an ancestor: thanking them, telling them about their life, or naming hurt that was passed down. You don’t have to send it anywhere. Writing can help you put feelings into words.

Every family passes down gifts, like resilience, faith, humour or recipes, and burdens, like silence, fear or harsh habits. Naming both can help you decide what to keep and what to leave behind.

Some people bring breathwork, meditation, movement or energy practices into ancestral healing. The “Chakras & energy work” guide explains what the traditions teach and what the evidence says.

Many people notice that hardship and loss in one generation seem to echo in the next, for example in how feelings are handled or how safe the world feels. Thinking about this can bring compassion for your family, and for yourself.

You can honour “chosen ancestors”: people from your culture, faith, community or history whose courage and love inspire you. They can be as meaningful as family by blood.

If some ancestors hurt others, you don’t have to honour them. Some people choose to remember the harm honestly and work toward repair in their own lives. Others focus only on the ancestors whose values they share.

Records may be missing because of slavery, displacement, war or discrimination. Not finding names is not a failure. Oral history, cultural traditions and community memory are part of your roots too.

Native-led guidance stresses that each Nation has its own ways, and suggests learning from Elders and cultural leaders rather than online quizzes or sellers.

• Ask relatives to teach you greetings, blessings or sayings.
• Join a community class or language group.
• Listen to music or stories in your family’s language.
• Go at your own pace. Mistakes are part of learning.

Visiting a place your family came from can be deeply moving, and sometimes unsettling. It can help to go with someone, plan quiet time, and expect mixed feelings.

Some sacred knowledge is meant to stay with knowledge keepers like Elders and traditional healers. If you are not part of a culture, learn about it from its own people and organisations, and be wary of anyone selling ceremonies.

• Cultural centres, heritage festivals and faith communities
• Family reunions and group chats with cousins
• Genealogy or local history societies
• Public libraries and archives, which often help with family research
• Support groups for adopted people or migrants

Sharing family stories with children and teens is linked with stronger self-esteem and confidence. Simple habits like telling stories at dinner or looking at old photos together can help.

• Be curious about what they are learning.
• Respect their way of honouring ancestors, even if it differs from yours.
• Be gentle if they discover painful news.
• Offer to go with them to visits, archives or reunions.

Counselors trained in spiritual competencies are asked to respect a client’s beliefs and include spiritual practices, like honouring ancestors, when the client wants that.

Remembering ancestors and loved ones can stir up grief, sometimes years later. That is normal. The “Grief: understanding loss” guide can help, and so can talking with someone you trust.