Wellbeing without religion: atheist, agnostic & humanist paths

Among religiously unaffiliated Americans, about one in five call themselves agnostic. For some, “I don’t know” is a settled, peaceful answer. For others it is a season of questioning.

About 17% of religiously unaffiliated Americans describe themselves as atheist. Atheists come from every background: some were raised without religion, and some left a faith later in life.

Being an atheist says what someone doesn’t believe. It doesn’t say what they care about. Many atheists find deep meaning in people, nature, learning, art and making the world better.

The American Humanist Association describes humanism as a non-theistic belief system that says we can all live good, meaningful lives, by focusing on making things better in the here and now.

Humanists often have communities, ethics and ceremonies of their own. The Humanist Society, for example, endorses humanist celebrants for life milestones and humanist chaplains in places like hospitals, prisons, the military and universities.

About 63% of religiously unaffiliated Americans choose “nothing in particular”. Many of them still believe in God or a higher power, or feel spiritual in their own way.

Many people stay connected to the customs of the family they grew up in, like holiday meals, music, language or a family name, without holding the beliefs. This can be a warm link to heritage and family.

A study comparing church members and members of secular groups found a curved pattern. People confident in their beliefs, whether religious or atheist, reported more wellbeing than people who were unsure.

The authors suggested the benefit may come from holding a confident, stable worldview and belonging to a like-minded group, rather than from religious belief itself.

Pew found that religiously unaffiliated Americans are, on average, less satisfied with their local communities and social lives than religiously affiliated Americans.

This doesn’t mean living without religion is lonely by nature. It means it can take a little more effort to find regular, face-to-face community, because there is no weekly gathering built in.

The NHS lists giving to others as one of five steps to mental wellbeing. Small acts of kindness, volunteering or helping a neighbour can build a sense of purpose and connection.

In Pew’s research, people who attend religious services monthly are much more likely to volunteer (41%) than religiously unaffiliated people (17%). Being part of a group that volunteers together can make it easier to start.

Values are different from goals. A goal can be finished, like running a race. A value, like being caring or brave, is something you can live by every day.

Try this

1. Write down 10 words that matter to you, like fairness, family, learning or fun.
2. Circle the three that feel most like you.
3. For each one, write one small way you could live it this week.

Many people find meaning in what they pass on: kindness shown to others, children raised, things built, knowledge shared, or a community made a little better.

Questions to reflect on

• How do I want people to feel after spending time with me?
• What do I hope to leave behind?
• Who has made a difference in my life, and how can I pass that on?

Awe is the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that stretches how you understand the world. It can come from the night sky, music, nature or a brilliant idea. Researchers link it with higher wellbeing and more generosity.

Look for something that meets weekly or monthly, so the same faces become familiar. Being a regular is what turns strangers into friends.

Ideas

• A choir, band or community orchestra
• A hiking, running or cycling club
• A book club or discussion group
• A sports team or class
• An adult education course

Humanist and secular groups meet in many cities and online. Some focus on discussion, some on service projects, and some on social events. Humanist lay leaders organise local groups and coordinate community service.

Recovering from Religion runs free peer support groups, many online, for people doubting or leaving a faith.

Volunteering gives you a reason to show up, a team to belong to and a sense of making a difference. Food banks, animal shelters, tutoring, community gardens and mutual aid groups often welcome new people.

A monthly dinner, a weekly walk with a friend, a yearly camping trip or a seasonal party can give life rhythm and connection. Some people create new traditions for solstices, new year, birthdays or the change of seasons.

Paying attention to the present moment is one of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing. Research reviewed by the U.S. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health suggests mindfulness practices may help with stress, anxiety and low mood for some people.

A one-minute practice

1. Sit comfortably and let your eyes rest.
2. Notice five slow breaths, in and out.
3. Name three things you can hear.
4. Notice where your body touches the chair or floor.
5. Open your eyes and carry on gently.

A study of 19,806 adults in England found that people who spent at least 120 minutes in nature in the past week were more likely to report good health and high wellbeing. It shows a link, not proof.

Ideas

• Eat lunch in a park
• Notice the sky and the seasons on a walk
• Sit by water for ten minutes
• Tend a plant or garden

In one study, people who wrote weekly about things they were grateful for felt more optimistic and better about their lives after 10 weeks.

Gratitude doesn’t have to be directed at a higher power. You can be thankful to people, to luck, to your body, or simply glad that something good happened.

Awe can come from a starry sky, a big tree, a city view or a piece of music. Researchers link feeling awe with higher wellbeing.

How to do it

1. Leave your phone in your pocket.
2. Walk somewhere you can see the sky or something big.
3. Look for something vast and something tiny.
4. Notice how your body feels.

Some people use a few minutes each evening to reflect: What went well? What was hard? What do I want to do differently tomorrow? This can play a similar role to prayer or confession for some people: a moment to pause, be honest and reset.

People may say they are praying for you, or that your loved one is with God. Many non-religious people find it helps to hear the love behind the words, while quietly letting go of the parts that don’t fit.

Things you could say

• “Thank you, that means a lot.”
• “I’m holding on to my memories of them.”
• “What I really need is someone to listen.”

Humanist and secular ceremonies focus on the person’s life, values and relationships. The Humanist Society endorses humanist celebrants who lead ceremonies for life milestones and support people in difficult times.

Ideas for a memorial

• Ask friends to share stories
• Create a memory table with photos and objects
• Plant a tree or start a fund in their name
• Play music they loved

Many people keep a bond with the person they lost: telling their stories, keeping their traditions, living by values they taught you, or talking to them in your mind. This does not need any belief about an afterlife.

Some people feel calmer by focusing on living well now, on the people and causes they will leave behind, or on being part of nature’s cycle. Others find writing down their wishes helps them feel more in control.

A parent may worry about your future or feel they failed. First reactions are often not final ones. Leading with love and shared values can help: “I’m still me, and I still love you.”

Many non-religious people base their ethics on care for others. In Pew’s research, 83% of religiously unaffiliated Americans say avoiding hurting people is a key factor in their sense of right and wrong.

Hurtful assumptions can sting. It can help to talk with others who understand, and to remember that one person’s view doesn’t define you.

In Pew’s research, 43% of “nones” said religion does more harm than good, while 41% said it does equal amounts of both. Views differ a lot. Respect works best when it goes both ways.

Ways to keep relationships warm

• Ask about what their faith means to them
• Join in shared meals and celebrations where you feel comfortable
• Look for values you share
• Skip debates when they won’t help anyone

If you depend on family for housing or money, or you live somewhere leaving a religion is punished, think carefully about safety and timing. A trusted friend, school counselor or support organisation can help you plan.

Questions you could ask

• “Do you bring religion or spirituality into therapy, or only if I want it?”
• “Have you worked with non-religious clients before?”
• “What kinds of therapy do you use, and what’s the evidence behind them?”

The Secular Therapy Project, linked with Recovering from Religion, helps people find secular, evidence-based mental health clinicians. You can search it at seculartherapy.org.

Recovering from Religion offers free peer support, including support groups (many online) for people with doubts or leaving a faith. Peer supporters are trained listeners, not therapists. Visit recoveringfromreligion.org.

Some chaplains are humanists. The Humanist Society endorses humanist chaplains in hospitals, nursing homes, prisons, the military and universities. Many other chaplains are trained to support people of all beliefs.