When someone you care about feels hopeless
You don’t need the perfect words. Staying close, listening and helping them find support can mean more than you know.
By the numbers
How common hopelessness is, and how often help is missed.
Young people (U.S.)
Getting help
How hopelessness can look in someone else
Words, withdrawal and small changes worth noticing.
People rarely say “I feel hopeless” out loud. More often you hear it in passing comments, or see it in what they stop doing. Changes that last for weeks matter more than one bad day.
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The American Academy of Pediatrics lists statements like “Nothing matters”, “I don’t care anymore” and “Everyone would be better off without me” as signs a young person may urgently need help. These are worth taking seriously at any age.
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- Big changes in sleep or appetite
- No longer making plans
- Spending more time alone
- Struggling more with school, work or chores
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NIMH lists warning signs such as talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling hopeless, trapped or having no reason to live, withdrawing, saying goodbye, or giving away important things.
Why helping can feel hard
They may push you away, and you may want to fix it fast.
When someone is in deep emotional pain and feels it will never get better, it can be hard for them to see any way forward. Your reassurance may bounce off. That doesn’t mean you are failing.
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You don’t need to have the answers. Listening and taking what they say seriously can be more helpful than advice.
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Keep listening, even if they are quiet or turn away at first. Their behavior can say as much as their words.
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Try to stay calm and open, even if what they say shocks or upsets you. They need to trust that you’ll listen without judgment or blame.
What helps to say
Open questions, empathy and plain honesty.
Start the conversation yourself. Choose a quiet moment and ask open questions, like “How have you been feeling about things lately?” Then listen more than you talk.
Things you might say
- “Can you tell me a bit more?”
- “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
- “It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain and can’t see a way out.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “You seem down lately. I care about you and I’m open to talking.”
What tends not to help
Arguing, rushing to cheer them up, or brushing it off.
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Avoid calling their feelings ridiculous or arguing that they don’t mean what they said. It can make people stop talking.
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Realistic hope works better than forced cheer. Seeing the situation as it is, and trusting they can find a way through, is more believable than artificial optimism.
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Suicide prevention experts suggest focusing on the person’s own reasons for living, not yours. Ask what matters to them.
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Never promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret. You can say, “I care about you too much to keep this to myself, and I’ll help you get support.”
Asking about suicide
Asking directly does not put the idea in their head.
Hopelessness is linked with suicidal thoughts, so it is OK to ask. Asking directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts, and talking about it may even reduce them.
If you’re worried
- Ask clearly and calmly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
- Listen to their answer without judgment
- If they say yes, stay with them and call or text 988 together
- If they may act on it now, call 911
Being there over time
Small, steady contact can rebuild connection.
Connection is protective. Researchers see it as a buffer against hopelessness and emotional pain. Being present, in person or by phone, helps reduce isolation.
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Checking in after a hard conversation keeps connection going. Even simple outreach, like a caring note, has been linked to lower suicide risk.
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NIMH suggests inviting someone who is depressed for walks, outings and other activities, and offering support, patience and encouragement.
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Only commit to support you can actually provide. A short weekly call you keep is worth more than daily visits you can’t sustain.
Encouraging professional help
Offer practical help to take the first step.
Hopelessness can be a sign of depression, and most people with depression benefit from treatment. Remind them that, with time and treatment, things can lift.
Practical ways to help
- Help them find a doctor or mental health professional
- Make sure they have a ride or a way to reach appointments
- Offer to sit with them while they make the call
- Save 988 in their phone, and yours
If it’s a child or teen
Parents and caregivers can make a big difference.
Don’t wait for your child to come to you. The AAP suggests starting the conversation, for example: “You seem sad. I’m open to talking about this, because I love you and I care what happens to you.”
What parents can do
- Contact your child’s doctor if you are worried about depression or self-harm
- Lock up or remove firearms and secure other items that could cause harm
- Make a safety plan with their care team
- Take every comment about suicide seriously
Looking after yourself too
Supporting someone is heavy. You need support as well.
Caring for someone who feels hopeless can wear you down. You are not responsible for fixing their feelings on your own. Support works best when several people share it.
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The 988 Lifeline supports people who are worried about a friend or loved one, not only people in crisis. You can call or text to talk through what to do.
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Family, peers, faith groups and community members form vital support networks. Helping them connect with others also spreads the care around.
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Regular sleep, meals, activity and connection protect your own mood while you support someone else.
When and where to get help
Crisis lines for them, and for you.
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Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, for yourself or someone you are worried about. For Spanish, press 2 or text AYUDA.
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Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to reach a trained crisis counselor. Free and confidential.
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For veterans, service members and the people who support them. No VA enrollment needed.
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Free, confidential crisis support for LGBTQ+ young people, 24/7, by phone, text or chat.
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Find A Helpline lists free, confidential helplines in many countries. In immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
📝 Worksheets for this guide
Fill these in privately in the app. Your answers stay on your phone.
Sources
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2026). Unmet Need for Mental Health Services Among High School Students Experiencing Persistent Feelings of Sadness or Hopelessness — Youth Risk Behavior Survey, United States, 2025 (MMWR Supplement 75(1))
- American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) (2024). Suicide Prevention: 12 Things Parents Can Do
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Depression
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Warning Signs of Suicide
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) (2019). Help Is Available for Your Emotional Pain and Distress: Together We Can
- NHS (UK National Health Service). Help for suicidal thoughts
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (#BeThe1To). #BeThe1To: The 5 Action Steps and the evidence behind them
- Harvard Health Publishing (Harvard Medical School) (2021). An outlook better than optimism?
- Peer-reviewed research, via PubMed Central (NIH) (2017). Hopelessness predicts suicide ideation but not attempts: a 10-year longitudinal study (Qiu, Klonsky & Klein, Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior 47(6))
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2012). SAMHSA’s Working Definition of Recovery: 10 Guiding Principles of Recovery
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. What to Expect
- Crisis Text Line. Crisis Text Line
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Crisis Text Line (Disaster Behavioral Health Information Series)
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Veterans Crisis Line
- The Trevor Project. Get Help
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Suicide Prevention Resources
- Find A Helpline (ThroughLine). Find A Helpline
- American Association of Suicidology (AAS) (2021). Find a Helpline Tool Expands to the United States in Partnership with the American Association of Suicidology
This guide is for education and self-care. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. Please talk to a counselor or clinical provider about your health. Reviewed October 2026.
