Settling into a new place

This guide is about the emotional side of a move: culture shock, routines, loneliness, missing home, unfair treatment and finding your people. It also has ideas for neighbors and friends who want to help.

Inside

• Building routines
• Culture shock stages
• Dealing with discrimination
• Finding community
• Keeping ties home
• Supporting a newcomer

• Immigrant families: raising kids in a new culture and family separation
• Immigration & mental health: status, waiting and immigration stress
• International students: studying far from home
• Moving & big moves as an adult: moves within your own country
• War, conflict & displacement: refugees and life after war

At first, many people feel like tourists. New food, sights and people are exciting, and problems seem small. You may expect the move to be easy.

Make the most of it

• Explore your new neighborhood
• Start building small routines now
• Write down what you enjoy, to look back on later

Small differences start to feel like big problems. You may feel stressed, frustrated, helpless or very homesick. Constantly working to understand a new language and culture is tiring.

You might notice

• Feeling irritated by “how things are done here”
• Feeling tired, low or teary
• Missing home, food or family a lot
• Trouble sleeping
• Wanting to stay in your room

Bit by bit, daily tasks get easier. You begin to accept parts of the new culture, feel less alone and laugh about mix-ups. There are still ups and downs.

Keep going by

• Building on routines that work
• Keeping in touch with people at home and here
• Trying one new thing each week

The new culture starts to feel like a second home. Differences bother you much less. Feeling at home does not mean one culture is better. It means you have found ways to live well with both.

Many people find

• They can help newer arrivals
• They can switch between cultures with ease
• They value parts of both

Regular times for waking, meals and sleep help your body adjust, especially after a time zone change. They also make the day feel more predictable.

• Eat at regular times, even if your appetite is off
• Get morning daylight to help with jet lag
• Keep a simple bedtime routine

Keeping familiar traditions alive helps you feel like yourself during big change. Cooking a dish from home, praying at the same times or calling family on the same day each week can be very comforting.

• A weekly family call
• Celebrating holidays from home
• Cooking a favorite dish on weekends
• Listening to music in your language

A daily walk helps release stress and gets you familiar with your neighborhood. It is also a gentle way to be around people without pressure.

• Find a nearby park
• Try a free community sports or exercise group
• Walk a new street each day

Trying one small new thing each week helps you build confidence without getting overwhelmed. Staying adaptable and gentle with yourself is part of adjusting well.

• Ask a neighbor a question
• Order food in the new language
• Take a bus to a new part of town
• Try a local event

Cultural centers, places of worship and community groups can offer comfort, practical help and a sense of home. They often help newcomers find housing, jobs and services, too.

• Look for community festivals and events
• Search for cultural associations from your home country
• Visit a place of worship

Making local friends helps you learn the culture and language, and feel part of your new community. Shared activities make it easier to connect.

• Attend library events or language exchanges
• Join a class, sports team or hobby group
• Say yes to invitations, even small ones
• Volunteer at a food bank, school or shelter

Many communities have organizations that help newcomers with language, jobs, housing and paperwork. Some also offer mentoring with people who arrived before you.

• Ask at your library, school or place of worship
• Ask your caseworker if you have one
• Call 211 to find local services (U.S.)

Online groups for newcomers can be a great way to ask questions and find people nearby. They work best as a bridge to in-person connection, not a replacement.

• Be careful sharing personal details or documents online
• Join student or parent groups
• Look for local groups for people from your country

In a new language, you may feel less funny, less clever or less like yourself. You know what you want to say, but the words are not there yet. That gap can hurt.

• Be patient with yourself on tired days
• It is okay to ask people to speak slowly
• Remember who you are in your first language
• Use gestures, pictures or a translation app when you need to

Talking in your first language with family or friends lets you relax and be fully yourself. It is not a step backward. It is a way to recharge.

• Books, music and podcasts in your language
• Community groups where your language is spoken
• Regular calls with family or friends

Losing your usual network of family and friends often leads to loneliness. Social withdrawal is common during the culture shock stage, but it can make low mood worse. Reaching out, even in small ways, helps.

• Go to places where people gather
• Join one regular group
• Say hello to the same shopkeeper or neighbor each day
• Schedule calls home so you have something to look forward to

Video calls and messages can keep relationships strong across distance. Having a regular time to talk gives both sides something to count on.

• Set a weekly call time that works across time zones
• Share photos of your daily life
• Watch a show or eat a meal “together” on a video call

Many newcomers feel guilty for leaving, or worry about family facing hardship or danger back home. Some feel pressure to send money or to show that everything is going well.

• Be honest with family about what you can and cannot do
• Remember that you can only control what is in your hands
• Talk to someone you trust about the weight you carry

Missing a funeral, a wedding or a birth can be very painful. Rituals help with grief, even from far away. Honoring loved ones in ways that fit your faith and culture can help.

• Gather with others from your community
• Hold your own small ritual where you are
• Join a ceremony by video if possible
• Write a letter to the person or place

Drawing on your values, strengths and cultural pride may help buffer some effects of bias. People who know and love you can help you push back on negative messages.

• Connect with your culture and community
• Remind yourself of your strengths and story
• Spend time with people who see you fully

When you are calm, it can help to think through how you might respond if something similar happens again. Then try to set it aside instead of replaying it over and over.

• Decide when to speak up and when to walk away for safety
• Use grounding or breathing to calm your body afterward
• Write down what happened if you might report it

Discrimination is often linked to low mood and worry. A counselor can help you cope in healthy ways. Some people prefer a provider who shares their background or understands racial and cultural stress.

People who have lived through war, violence or a dangerous journey may have nightmares, feel on edge, avoid reminders or feel numb. Most people’s distress gets better over time, but some people need extra support.

Not knowing whether you can stay, or when you will see family again, keeps the body on alert. Focusing on what you can control, day by day, can make the waiting a little easier.

• Connect with others in a similar situation
• Get accurate legal information from trusted, free legal providers
• Keep a simple daily routine
• Learn skills or language while you wait

WHO says that meeting basic needs, keeping families together, community support and getting children into school all protect refugees’ mental health.

• Ask caseworkers about housing, food and health care
• Ask for mental health support in your language
• Get children into school as soon as possible
• Stay connected to your community

The War, conflict & displacement guide goes deeper into the refugee journey, resettlement stress, family separation, children and war, and watching war from afar.

• “How do you say your name?” (and then learn it)
• “Is there anything I can help you figure out?”
• “Welcome! How are you settling in?”
• “What do you miss from home?”
• “Would you like to join us for…?”

• Asking refugees to tell their story before they offer
• Jokes about accents, food or clothing
• “Where are you really from?”
• “You should be grateful to be here.”
• “Your English is so good!” (it can feel surprising or patronizing)

Help with basic needs, like housing, food, school and work, is closely linked to better mental health for newcomers.

• Connect them with others from their community
• Explain unwritten rules (like how to sort trash or tip)
• Help with forms or phone calls
• Invite them to a meal or event
• Show them the nearest shops, clinic and bus stop

Hosts, sponsors, teachers and volunteers can feel stretched, especially when helping people who have been through trauma. Your wellbeing matters.

• Know where to refer people for professional help
• Set realistic limits on time and money
• Share the load with others
• Talk to someone about what you hear and feel

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Text and chat are also available in Spanish
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
• Disaster Distress Helpline: call or text 1-800-985-5990, with interpreters in over 100 languages

Find A Helpline (findahelpline.com) lists free, confidential crisis lines in many countries. You can search by country and by topic.

The Newcomer practical steps guide explains low-cost community health centers and your right to an interpreter. The Finding mental health care guide helps you find and pay for a therapist.