When deportation touches a family

After a frightening event, many people feel numb, have trouble concentrating, or can’t sleep. These reactions often ease with time and support.

In the U.S., ICE’s Online Detainee Locator System (ice.gov/locator) lets families search for an adult in immigration detention. You need their A-Number and country of birth, or their exact name and country of birth.

People under 18 are not listed, and new detentions may not show up right away. Information can be up to 8 hours old, so call the facility to confirm before visiting.

If you can’t find them, ICE suggests contacting the local Enforcement and Removal Operations field office. Some families also contact their country’s consulate.

USCIS says only licensed attorneys and accredited representatives can give immigration legal advice. In the U.S., a “notario” or notary public is not a lawyer and cannot represent you.

The U.S. Department of Justice keeps a list of free (pro bono) legal service providers for people in immigration court.

Children need calm, simple truth and the reassurance that they will be looked after. They may blame themselves, so tell them clearly that it is not their fault.

If your family made a plan ahead of time, now is when it helps. The Immigrant families guide explains how to make one.

The American Psychological Association notes that people in immigration detention often report harsh conditions and family separation, which raise the risk of distress and trauma symptoms.

Letters, photos and regular calls, when allowed, can remind them that they are loved and not forgotten.

Adults who lived through a parent’s deportation as children often describe ambiguous loss: grieving someone who is still alive but no longer present in daily life.

Before visiting, call the facility to check visiting hours and rules. Adults usually need government photo ID to visit.

Easing the goodbyes

• Bring a drawing or letter from the children if allowed
• Plan something calming for after the visit
• Prepare children for what the room may look like
• Talk about the next call or visit before you leave

Families often carry lawyers’ appointments, lost income and children’s needs all at once. In one study, about a third of children in mixed-status families described money struggles.

Accepting help with meals, rides or childcare is not weakness. It keeps you able to keep going.

Very young children may have trouble eating or sleeping, may not be able to calm down, or may seem withdrawn when comforted.

Children may cry for their parent or stop talking. Some act younger than their age, with clinginess, baby talk or toileting accidents.

Stomach aches, headaches, and trouble eating or sleeping can also be signs of a painful separation.

Older children and teens may be restless, irritable or get into fights. These are often reactions to the separation, not just bad behavior.

Some teens step into adult roles, like caring for siblings or helping with money. The Children of immigrants guide talks about carrying too much.

In one study, children with likely depression who had been affected by deportation often described losing their school support network. Half of children with likely depression described strained relationships with parents.

U.S.-citizen children who moved to Mexico with deported parents, and those who stayed behind, both showed raised levels of distress in research.

Children may believe they caused the separation. Find out what they know and gently correct anything that isn’t true.

Use a calm voice and the language they know best. Be patient, follow their lead and take care of immediate needs like food, sleep and comfort.

Help children find out what is happening with their family and keep ongoing contact, in person if possible, or by phone or video.

Never speak badly about the absent parent, even if the child is angry with them.

Ideas

• A favorite blanket, toy or food
• A photo of the parent by the bed
• A piece of clothing that smells like them
• Regular mealtimes and bedtimes

Tell children they have every reason to feel angry or sad, and that words are better than actions that hurt. Help them calm their bodies with slow breathing, games, sport, drawing or music.

Limit how much news about immigration children see, and be there to answer questions. Children want real information about their family, so keep them informed in ways that fit their age.

Feeling secure with caregivers and connected to school is linked with fewer mental health problems in immigrant youth. Support from peers, teachers and mentors helps too.

Strained relationships at home were common among children with likely depression in one study. Stress spreads through a family, which is why caring for the caregiver matters.

Small ways to cope

• Ask one person to help with one task, like school pickup
• Keep a short daily routine, even on hard days
• Let some things go: tidy floors can wait
• Take five quiet minutes for yourself each day

Children often keep strong bonds with the relatives who care for them. Help them stay close to their parent and their culture too, even if they seem settled with you.

Talk with a qualified legal helper about formal ways to care for a child, like school and medical permission.

Older children may take on cooking, childcare, translating or paperwork. Thank them, and protect time for school, friends and rest.

Warm, responsive caregivers help children build resilience, and children can form new secure bonds with caring adults over time. Looking after yourself helps you keep offering that.

Talk with someone you trust, join a support group, or ask a clinic about free or low-cost counseling.

A study at the U.S.–Mexico border found that deported migrants had about 5.5 times the odds of reporting more than one emotional symptom, compared with migrants who returned by choice.

What can help

• Connecting with local groups that support returned migrants
• Finding work or learning that uses your skills
• Keeping a regular time to call home
• Talking with someone about the loss, not only the logistics

Some U.S.-citizen children move with a deported parent. Others stay with family in the U.S. Research found raised distress in both groups, so there is no choice without pain.

In research, many children in these families described losing touch with friends and school supports. Giving them ways to stay in touch can ease the loss.

U.S.-citizen children who moved to Mexico with deported parents showed raised distress in research. A new school, and sometimes a new language, can arrive all at once.

Familiar comfort objects, routines and contact with family and friends left behind can help a child feel safer.

Adults who lived through a parent’s deportation as children often describe shame as part of the experience.

Deportation is a legal process, not a measure of a person’s worth. Talking with people you trust can lift some of the weight.

Ideas

• A weekly video call at a set time
• Bedtime stories read over the phone
• Cooking the same recipe together on video
• Voice notes to wake up to

Staying connected to family, culture and history is important to children, even when they seem settled. Ask about the foods and traditions that matter to them.

Strong cultural identity is a protective factor for immigrant-origin youth facing discrimination.

Ways to stay involved

• Ask about school, friends and worries, and remember the answers
• Help with homework over video
• Keep in touch with the child’s caregiver
• Send a short message on test days and birthdays

Adults who experienced a parent’s deportation as children described ambiguous loss, trouble trusting others, fear of being separated from loved ones, and shame in their adult relationships.

A national study of over 770,000 U.S. adults found that distress rose among Latino non-citizens when deportation threat increased, and also among U.S.-born Latinos.

After a large workplace raid in Iowa, babies born to Latina mothers, both U.S.-born and immigrant, had a 24% higher risk of low birth weight, in one study.

Protective factors found in research

• Feeling connected at school
• Pride in culture and identity
• Secure, caring bonds with parents or caregivers
• Supportive friends, teachers and mentors
• Taking part in community and civic life

Belonging to relationships, institutions and culture helps immigrants feel secure and supports mental health.

Practical ways to help a family

• Bring meals or groceries
• Help with rides to appointments or visits
• Include the children in ordinary fun
• Listen without asking for details or judging
• Offer childcare so the caregiver can rest