Multiracial & mixed identity

Some common words

• Biracial: two racial backgrounds
• Mixed or mixed-race: a short, everyday word many people like
• Mixed-heritage: often used to include ethnicity and culture, not just race
• Multiethnic: more than one ethnic or cultural background
• Multiracial: more than one racial background

Some people use their specific heritages instead, like “Black and Japanese” or “Blasian”. Others use one racial word in public and a fuller description with family.

In a 2015 Pew Research Center survey, 61% of adults with a mixed racial background did not think of themselves as multiracial. Common reasons were that they look like one race, were raised as one race, or feel closest to one race.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that multiracial families are growing through interracial relationships and through transracial and international adoption.

Children adopted into a family of a different race may carry questions about belonging and roots too. Much of this guide can help them and their parents.

Mixed people describe being made to choose one box on a form, or being told which race they “really” are. About 1 in 5 multiracial adults in the Pew survey said they had felt pressure to claim just one race.

Being called “exotic” or having your looks fussed over can feel flattering at first, but many mixed people say it leaves them feeling like an object or an outsider.

It is okay to say, “I’d rather you didn’t describe me that way.”

Others may assume you have one background and then make negative comments about another group, not knowing it is part of your family.

Being misread again and again can be tiring. Deciding when to correct people, and when to let it go, is your call.

Some mixed people are told they are exempt from racism, or that what happened to them “wasn’t really about race”.

One harmful idea is that being mixed causes emotional problems. Researchers call this pathologizing. A large review found most mixed people are just as well adjusted as anyone else.

Comments about skin, hair or features are a common way mixed people are told they don’t belong. Siblings with the same parents may look different and even come to identify differently.

Being told you are not “really” part of a group because of the music you like, the way you talk or a language you never got to learn can sting.

Many people did not choose what they were taught growing up. Learning more about your roots is something you can do at any age, at your own pace.

Mental Health America writes that imposter feelings can run deep for multiracial people, who may wonder if they have the right to join a group or speak about an experience.

Gentle reminders

• Belonging is not a test you pass
• Every member of a community is different
• You can be still learning and still belong

In a 2016 study of 221 Black multiracial adults, people said having their identity questioned by other Black people hurt the most. The authors stressed how much acceptance from the Black community matters.

That pain makes sense. It is not a sign you don’t belong. It shows how much the connection matters to you.

• Comparing siblings by skin tone or hair
• Jokes about one side of the family’s race or culture
• Never talking about one parent’s heritage
• Relatives who don’t accept a parent’s partner
• Treating you as an outsider at family events

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that children may feel guilt or disloyalty toward one parent when they embrace the other parent’s culture. Children in separated families may find it harder to value both sides.

You don’t have to rank your roots. Closeness to one side is not rejection of the other.

1. Pick a calm time and a family member you trust most
2. Share one example and how it made you feel
3. Say what you need, like “Please don’t joke about Dad’s side”
4. Give them time. Change can be slow

Some mixed young people use one racial identity in public, often to cope with bias, while keeping a fuller mixed identity with family and friends.

This can be a smart way to stay safe and connected. It only becomes a problem if you feel you have to hide part of yourself everywhere.

Times when identity questions may return

• Becoming a parent
• Dating or choosing a partner
• Losing a parent or grandparent
• Moving to a new place
• Starting college or a new job

Coming back to these questions is not going backward. It is part of a lifelong story.

Therapists who work with mixed clients are urged never to deny a person’s right to call themselves multiracial, or to judge how they “should” look.

Six in ten multiracial adults in the Pew survey said they are proud of their mixed background.

Pride in a whole, combined identity is linked with better wellbeing.

Most mixed adults say their background has made them more open to other cultures. Mental Health America notes a multicultural identity can build empathy and a stronger sense of self.

The AACAP notes that multiracial children do not differ from other children in self-esteem, and many are high achievers with a strong sense of self and an easy comfort with diversity.

Ideas to enjoy your roots

• Ask relatives on each side for a family story
• Celebrate holidays from more than one tradition
• Cook a dish from each side of the family
• Learn a few words of a family language
• Make a playlist of music from all your roots

The AACAP encourages parents to talk openly about race and culture and to welcome children’s curiosity about differences in skin colour, hair and features.

The AACAP suggests learning the languages, traditions and customs of every family member, and, if you can, choosing a diverse community to live in.

If one parent is not around, grandparents, relatives or cultural groups can help keep that side alive.

The AACAP suggests helping children build skills to handle questions and bias about their background, and helping them see racism as a problem in other people, not a sign that something is wrong with them.

Answers kids can try

• “I’m Black and Korean. What about you?”
• “I’m mixed, and I’m proud of it.”
• “That’s private, but thanks for asking.”

The AACAP recommends books, films and other media with positive multiracial role models and stories about multicultural families.

Real people matter too. A mixed mentor, teacher or family friend can show a child what is possible.

Children may lean toward one side for a while. The AACAP notes this can bring guilt toward the other parent, so reassure them that they are loved whatever they choose.

Mental Health America highlights groups such as Mixed in America, which runs safe-space events, workshops and online healing resources for multiracial people.

Places to look

• Campus multiracial or mixed student groups
• Moderated online groups for mixed people
• Workplace employee resource groups

Cultural centers, language classes, places of worship and heritage festivals can be ways to learn and belong. It is okay to feel nervous the first time.

What helps

• Ask how they describe themselves, and use those words
• Believe them when they share a hurtful experience
• Celebrate all sides of their heritage
• Speak up when relatives make jokes about race

What to avoid

• “What are you?”
• “But you don’t look…”
• “You’re so exotic.”
• “Which side do you feel more?”

• They ask how you describe yourself instead of assuming
• They believe your experiences of racism
• They don’t treat being mixed as the cause of your problems
• They help you find people and places where you belong
• They support pride in your whole identity

• “Have you worked with multiracial clients?”
• “How do you bring race and culture into therapy?”
• “What would you do if you got something wrong about my identity?”

• Calling you “exotic”, even as a compliment
• Saying you don’t belong to a group you identify with
• Telling you racism doesn’t affect you
• Speaking badly about a group you come from