Homesickness

Almost all children, teens and adults feel some homesickness when they’re apart from familiar people and places. It can happen at camp, at college, in a new job, in hospital or after a move.

People often miss small, everyday things the most: a parent’s cooking, a pet, the sound of your language in the street, your own bed, the way the light looks at home.

Researchers point out that two things often get mixed up: missing home, and the stress of getting used to a new place. They can make each other worse, but they are different.

This matters for coping. Keeping busy and settling in help with the new place. Missing home needs its own care, like staying connected and making room for the feelings.

Some people feel a homesick kind of grief without leaving, when the place they love changes around them through development, disaster or a changing climate.

About 90% of children at summer camp feel some homesickness, and about 20% feel serious distress.

For both home-country and international students, intense homesickness can make the move very hard. It can worsen existing mood and anxiety problems and sometimes lead students to leave school.

Adults who move often feel they “should” be fine. But leaving friends, family and familiar places is a real loss, even when the move was your choice and a good one.

Big changes in lifestyle, language, culture and surroundings can make homesickness stronger.

Up to half of children in sudden separations like a hospital stay may feel moderate to severe homesickness. The report notes that effective ways to help are available.

Adults and older people moving into hospital, rehab or a care home can feel it too. Familiar objects, photos, routines and regular visits can help.

People in the military, on ships, on remote work sites or travelling for long stretches often go through cycles of missing home, especially around holidays and family events.

Because homesickness is a kind of grief, it can help to let yourself feel it for a while: look at photos, have a cry, write about what you miss. Then gently turn back to your day.

Ideas

• Agree on regular call times, so you have something to look forward to
• Send photos of your new life, not just ask about theirs
• Share a meal or a show “together” over video
• Write letters or keep a shared journal

Ideas

• A blanket, pillow or object from home
• Cooking a favourite family meal
• Music, podcasts or shows in your home language
• Photos of people and places you love

In four studies, loneliness made people feel less supported, but it also stirred up nostalgia, and nostalgia made people feel more supported. This effect was strongest in people who bounce back well from hard times.

Ideas

• Find a “third place”: a café, library, gym or park you visit often
• Join one club, class, faith group or team
• Keep a simple daily routine: wake, meals, movement, sleep
• Say yes to some invitations, even when it feels hard

There’s no deadline for feeling at home. Some days will be better than others. Notice small signs of progress: a friendly face, a shortcut you know, a shop that feels familiar.

What helps

• Involve your child in the decision, so they feel some control
• Arrange a short practice stay, like a night with relatives
• Practise writing letters, and pack stamped, addressed envelopes
• Show them the place, or introduce them to people they’ll meet
• Tell them homesickness is normal, not strange

Try not to share your own anxiety about them leaving. Even “What will I do without you?” can leave a child thinking about home instead of enjoying themselves.

Experts advise against “pick-up deals” like “If you don’t like it, I’ll come and get you.” These can suggest you don’t believe they can cope, and that they won’t enjoy it.

Try instead

• “It’s OK to miss home. That means you love us.”
• “I know you can handle this, and the staff are there to help.”
• “Let’s think of what you can do when you miss us.”

Ideas

• Keep letters and calls warm and positive
• Ask about their new experiences and friends
• Let camp or school staff know about worries
• Avoid long descriptions of everything they’re missing at home

Teaching children coping skills, like writing home, talking about their feelings and focusing on the good parts of the experience, can help.

Serious homesickness that isn’t helped can get worse over time.

If your child can’t eat or sleep, is very distressed for days, or staff are worried, talk with them about bringing your child home. If they do come home, make sure they don’t feel they failed.

When going back isn’t possible, homesickness can feel more like deep grief. You may mourn a place, a community and a version of your life that no longer exists.

People who left difficult or unsafe homes sometimes feel homesick anyway, and then feel confused or guilty about it. You can miss what was familiar, or what you wished home had been.

After time away at college, abroad or on a long trip, coming home can feel strange. You may miss the life and people you left behind, and home may feel different than you remember.