School support for parents

Young children often show stress through their bodies or behavior rather than words. A stomachache every Monday morning, clinginess at drop-off or meltdowns after school can all be signs that something feels hard.

Things that often come up

• Worry about being apart from a parent
• Frustration with reading, writing or numbers
• Falling out with a friend, or feeling left out at recess
• Being exhausted and “falling apart” after holding it together all day
• Trouble sitting still or following several steps at once

Every child has rough days. What matters is a pattern that lasts for weeks, or that gets in the way of learning, friendships or family life.

Signs worth a chat with the teacher

• Trouble learning letters, sounds or numbers compared with classmates
• Avoiding homework or reading, or getting very upset about it
• Calling themselves stupid or “bad at school”
• Lots of visits to the school nurse
• Seeming lonely, or not mentioning any friends

Pediatricians suggest a few simple habits: keep the same daily schedule, set up one “launch pad” near the door for backpacks and shoes, and give your child a well-lit spot with supplies for homework.

Everyday ideas

• Read together every day, and keep it fun, not a test
• Turn everyday moments into learning: measuring while cooking, counting coins at the store
• Ask how they feel about school, not just what they did
• Stay in touch with the teacher so small worries don’t grow
• Expect effort, not perfection

Learning and attention differences often first appear in the early grades, as trouble with reading, writing, numbers or sitting still. You don’t have to wait for your child to fall far behind. Parents can ask the school for an evaluation at any time.

Steps

• Ask the teacher what extra help is already happening in class, and how it’s going
• Keep examples of work and notes on what you see at home
• If worries continue, ask for an evaluation in writing
• For children under 3, ask your pediatrician about your state’s early intervention program

With several teachers, each with their own rules and due dates, it is easy for assignments to slip through the cracks. Friend groups often shuffle, and kids start comparing their bodies and lives with others.

Things that often come up

• Forgotten homework and missing assignments
• Friend groups changing, or feeling left out
• Worries about puberty and how they look
• Peer pressure, and not knowing how to say no
• Online drama or bullying (middle schools report the most weekly bullying of any school level)

Some moodiness is normal at this age. Look for changes that last, or that are getting in the way of school, sleep or friendships.

• Grades dropping suddenly, or lots of missing work
• Not mentioning friends anymore, or spending most time alone
• Seeming stressed, anxious or upset after being online
• Not wanting to go to school, or asking to come home often
• Big changes in eating or sleeping

Child mental health experts suggest simple organizing tools: a different colored folder for each subject, a calendar for due dates and a morning backpack checklist. A set weekly check-in can replace daily nagging.

More ideas

• Find out who your go-to person is now: an advisor, counselor or a specific teacher
• Encourage your child to bring questions to teachers themselves
• Role-play how to say no and still keep a friendship
• Suggest new ways to meet people: a club, a different lunch table, an outside activity
• Remind them they don’t have to be friends with everyone

With six or seven teachers instead of one, it’s easy for an IEP or 504 plan to be followed well in one class and forgotten in another. Every teacher who works with your child needs to know their part.

What helps

• Share a one-page strengths profile with each teacher early in the year (see the worksheet)
• Ask the case manager how each teacher learns about the plan
• Check after a few weeks whether supports are happening in every class
• Help your child notice and speak up when a support is missed
• If planning and organization are big struggles, ask whether they can be IEP goals

Teens juggle harder classes, long-term projects, activities, maybe a job, and a busy social life. Sleep is usually the first thing to go. In 2025, only about 1 in 4 U.S. high school students got 8 or more hours of sleep on a school night.

Things that often come up

• Stress about grades, tests and the future
• Leaving big projects to the last minute
• Saying yes to too many activities
• Working long hours at a job (over 20 hours a week is linked to lower grades and more missed school)
• Pressure around dating, drinking or drugs

• Skipping classes or lots of absences
• Seeming worn out all the time
• Dropping activities or friends they used to love
• Talking about feeling hopeless or like a failure
• Big changes in mood, eating or sleep that last

Help your teen break big assignments across several days, then gradually step back. Praise effort and growth, not just grades. Encourage one activity to start with, and add more only if school is going well.

More ideas

• Help them name one trusted adult at school for schoolwork or feelings
• Practise how to ask a teacher for help or for agreed supports
• Agree on social media and gaming limits during study time
• If there’s no time for homework at home, ask about a study hall
• Keep going to school events and get to know teachers and other parents

In high school, an IEP starts to look beyond graduation. By age 16, it must include goals for life after school, and your teen must be invited when those are discussed.

Things to ask about

• How any modifications affect credits and the type of diploma in your state
• Accommodations for state tests, and how to request them for other big exams (some have their own rules, so ask early)
• How your teen can lead more of their own meetings
• What will change when they turn 18

School-age children (6 to 12) need 9 to 12 hours of sleep a day, and teens (13 to 17) need 8 to 10. Working backward from wake-up time helps you set a realistic bedtime.

• Avoid scheduling activities late into the evening
• Build in a calm wind-down: bath, book, dim lights
• Keep bedtime and wake-up time similar on school nights

Phones by the bed are hard to resist: one more message, one more video. A family charging spot outside bedrooms makes the rule easy to keep. A simple alarm clock replaces the phone alarm.

Health experts suggest putting devices away at least an hour before bed.

• A warm shower, stretching or quiet music
• Keep the bedroom dark, cool and quiet
• Pack the backpack and lay out clothes for tomorrow
• Read a printed book or listen to an audiobook

Since a lot of homework is online, a total screen ban often isn’t realistic. Instead, agree on limits for social media and games during study time, and turn off notifications.

Activities build friendships and confidence, but too many can crowd out homework, sleep and family time. Starting with one activity and adding more only if things are going well is a good rule.

Questions to ask

• Are we eating together most nights?
• Does my child look forward to this activity, or dread it?
• Does my child still have free time to play or relax?
• Is homework being rushed late at night?

Short, regular moments of connection matter more than big outings. Talking about your own day and asking about theirs shows your child that learning and feelings both matter at home.

• A weekend walk or game night
• Screen-free family dinners a few nights a week
• Share something you learned or found hard today
• Ten minutes of one-on-one time with each child

• Write down your questions in order of importance, since time is often short
• Ask your child if there’s anything they want you to raise
• If another parent can’t come, check what they want covered
• Bring notes, examples of work or anything you’ve noticed at home
• If you need more time, ask for a longer slot or a follow-up call

• What are my child’s strengths and interests? Are they being encouraged?
• Is my child working below their ability anywhere?
• How do they get along with classmates?
• Have you noticed any learning or behavior struggles?
• Should my child be assessed further?
• Is homework being turned in? Should I help or check it?
• What can I do at home to help?

School psychologists are trained in mental health, learning and behavior. They can help identify learning and behavior challenges, support social and emotional growth, and help in a crisis. School counselors are another good first stop for worries about friendships, stress or behavior.

• Tell your child what you learned and what you and the teacher agreed
• Write down any next steps and who will do them
• Follow up by email to confirm the plan
• A short thank-you note goes a long way

School counselors are certified or licensed educators with at least a master’s degree in school counseling. They run a counseling program for every student, not only students in trouble. It covers learning skills, handling feelings and getting along with others, and planning for life after school.

What they usually do

• Help students plan their classes and set goals
• Teach classroom lessons on skills like handling stress and solving problems
• Offer short-term counseling, one-on-one or in small groups, during changes, stress or hard times
• Refer students and families to longer-term help in school or the community
• Work with families, teachers and administrators
• Speak up for students at IEP meetings and other student meetings

School counselors do not provide therapy or long-term counseling at school. They are trained to notice and respond to mental health needs, and to help families find ongoing support.

School psychologists have graduate training at the specialist level (usually about three years of full-time study), and many have a doctorate. They must be state certified or licensed. Their training covers assessment, learning and behavior supports, counseling, special education, and law and ethics.

How they can help

• Testing to understand learning, attention or behavior struggles
• Explaining what test results mean in plain words
• Helping design behavior supports and plans
• Counseling and social skills support
• Support during a crisis
• Helping teachers adjust how they teach a student

Every public school has access to a school psychologist, but many cover several schools and aren’t there every day. To reach one, ask the front office or district office, or check the school or district website.

School social workers are trained mental health professionals with a social work degree. They focus on how a child is adjusting to school and life, and they link home, school and community.

How they can help

• Individual, group and family counseling
• Help during a crisis
• Working with families to ease stress that affects school
• Connecting families with school and community resources
• Writing a social and developmental history for special education evaluations
• Programs for students who miss a lot of school
• Identifying and reporting abuse and neglect

School health and school nurse services are one of the “related services” a school can provide, for example to a child with a health condition who needs care during the day.

Ways to work with the nurse

• Share any health plans, allergies or conditions that affect school
• Ask how the nurse will tell you about visits
• If your child visits often with aches, ask the nurse to share the pattern with you and the counselor
• Make sure substitutes and field-trip staff know your child’s health plan

Every IEP team includes at least one special education teacher or provider. In many schools, one of them is named your child’s case manager. They help write the plan, deliver specialized teaching, track progress on goals and keep other teachers informed.

Questions to ask early in the year

• Who is my child’s case manager?
• How will each teacher learn about the plan?
• How often will I hear about progress?
• What is the best way to reach you?

Federal rules list many “related services” a child may get to benefit from special education. They include speech-language therapy, audiology, interpreting, psychological and counseling services, occupational and physical therapy, orientation and mobility help, social work services, transportation, and counseling and training for parents.

When a child needs one, the IEP says when it starts and how often, where and for how long it happens.

• “I can see you worked really hard on this.”
• “That sounds really frustrating. Want to tell me more?”
• “You can do hard things. Let’s figure out the first step.”
• “Mistakes are how brains grow.”
• “Whatever happens, I’m on your team.”

• “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
• “You’re just lazy.”
• “Just ignore the bullies.”
• “I’ve heard terrible things about that teacher.”
• “It’s not a big deal.” (It is to them.)

• Set up a launch pad by the door for school things
• Keep spare supplies for things that often get lost
• Pack backpacks the night before
• Check the school portal together once a week, not every hour
• Celebrate the end of a hard week with something simple and fun

Meetings, emails, homework fights and worry can wear you down. Kids pick up on parental stress, so caring for yourself also helps them.

• Share the load with a partner, relative or friend
• Talk to other parents who have been through it
• Take breaks from school talk at home
• Get support for yourself from a counselor or support group if you need it

Joining a parent-teacher organization, going to back-to-school nights or volunteering helps you get to know teachers and other families.

• Ask other parents how they handled the same struggle
• Swap rides or homework help
• Bring a parent friend to an IEP or 504 meeting for support

Groups for parents of children with ADHD, learning differences or special education needs can help you learn your child’s rights and feel less alone. CHADD has local groups and education-rights resources.

Being part of a team, club or youth group gives kids another place to belong and another caring adult to turn to. This can help a child who is struggling at school still feel good about themselves.