Friends, parties & safety at college

You can live in a busy dorm, sit in big lectures and go to parties and still feel unseen. Loneliness is about feeling that no one really knows you, not about how many people are nearby. It is a signal that you need connection, like hunger is a signal that you need food.

What can help

• Choose depth over numbers: one real conversation beats ten small ones
• Notice who you feel relaxed around, and spend more time with them
• Say a little more about yourself when someone asks how you are
• Try a smaller group, like a study group or club meeting, instead of only big events

Social media shows the best moments of other people’s weeks: the parties, trips and big friend groups. It rarely shows the nights they spent alone or felt left out. Comparing your inside to their outside can make loneliness feel worse.

Try this

• Mute or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling worse
• Notice how you feel after scrolling, and take breaks if it’s low
• Use your phone to make plans, not just to watch others’ plans
• Remember that many people in those photos also feel lonely sometimes

CDC suggests not letting screen time distract you from connecting with people in person.

CDC suggests a few simple ways to feel more connected: make time in your routine to reach out to people who care about you, join a group with shared interests, ask for help even when it’s hard, and help others too. People with strong social connections tend to have less stress and better sleep.

Ideas for this week

• Ask a classmate to study together before a test
• Eat in the dining hall at the same time each day, so faces become familiar
• Go to the same club meeting three weeks in a row
• Send a message to someone from home who makes you laugh
• Offer to help someone: notes, a ride, carrying boxes

Some students are shy, introverted, commute from home, work long hours, are older than most classmates, or are parents themselves. College social life can seem built for someone else. Your way of connecting is just as valid.

Ideas that fit different lives

• Commuter or adult learner lounges and groups
• Online communities linked to your classes or major
• Quiet clubs: book clubs, board games, art, hiking
• Study groups that meet at times that work for you
• Volunteering, where the shared task does some of the talking

Most roommate problems come from small things nobody talked about: noise, sleep times, guests, sharing food or cleaning. Talking early, before anyone is annoyed, makes it easier to be honest.

Things to agree on

• Cleaning and taking out trash
• Guests and overnight visitors
• Quiet hours for sleep and study
• Sharing food, clothes or other things
• What to do if something bothers one of you

Little annoyances can build up quickly in a small space. Bringing them up early and kindly usually works better than hinting, posting about it or waiting until you explode.

A simple way to raise it

1. Pick a calm time, not in the middle of the problem
2. Describe what happened: “Music has been on after midnight on weeknights.”
3. Say how it affects you: “I have 8am classes and I’m exhausted.”
4. Ask for what you need, and listen to their side
5. Agree on something to try, and check in after a week

Resident advisors (RAs) are trained to help roommates work things out. They can lead a calm conversation, help write an agreement, and explain your options if things don’t improve.

Ask your RA or housing office for help if

• Talking hasn’t worked after a few tries
• You don’t feel safe in your room
• Your roommate’s drinking, drug use or behavior worries you
• You are being bullied, harassed or threatened
• You can’t sleep or study in your room most nights

Your roommate may come from a different background, faith, culture or way of life. That can bring misunderstandings, and also new foods, ideas and friendships. Curiosity and respect go a long way.

Ways to bridge the gap

• Ask questions with real interest, not judgment
• Share a little about your own traditions
• Agree on respect for prayer, study or quiet times
• Remember that you don’t have to agree to get along

Most colleges have hundreds of student groups: academic, cultural, faith, arts, sports, service, gaming, advocacy and more. Belonging to even one group can help you feel connected and give your week a rhythm.

Tips

• Go to the student activities fair, or browse the online club list
• Try a few groups, then commit to one or two
• If you can’t find your group, start one
• Leadership roles can build confidence, but watch out for taking on too much

Student athletes juggle early practices, travel, games and full class loads. Many feel their identity is tied to their sport, so injuries, losing a starting spot or the end of a season can hit hard. Some feel they have to look tough and hide when they are struggling.

What helps

• Talk to your athletic department about mental health support. Many have dedicated counselors.
• Protect sleep. It’s key for both performance and mood.
• Build friendships and interests outside your sport
• Tell a coach or trainer early if you’re hurt or burned out
• Remember you are a whole person, not just an athlete

Graduating, getting injured, getting cut, or leaving a group can bring a real sense of loss, even if it was your choice. You might miss the routine, the team and the person you were in that role.

Ways through it

• Let yourself grieve what you’ve lost
• Keep in touch with teammates or members
• Find a new way to move or create, just for fun
• Use the skills you built, like teamwork and discipline, in new places

Faith and cultural student groups can offer familiar food, traditions and language, plus people who understand where you come from. Many campuses have chaplains or faith leaders who also offer a listening ear.

Ideas

• Visit a faith or cultural center in your first month
• Join a holiday celebration
• Ask about mentoring with older students

Volunteering can give you purpose, perspective and new friends. It also connects you with the wider town, beyond the campus bubble.

Where to start

• Your college’s service or volunteer center
• Service projects run by clubs, sororities and fraternities
• Tutoring local kids, food banks, animal shelters

A mentor might be a professor, advisor, coach, older student or alum. They can help you find your way, see options you didn’t know about, and remind you that struggles are part of the path.

How to find one

• Go to office hours and ask about their path
• Join a mentoring program
• Ask an older student in your major for advice

Feeling that you belong is strongly linked to better mental health in college. One study of more than 1,000 undergraduates found that students with a stronger sense of belonging had fewer depression symptoms. Chapters, along with clubs and teams, can offer exactly that kind of connection.

What a healthy chapter can give you

• Older members who show you the ropes
• Study groups and academic support
• Service and charity work that gives a sense of purpose
• Friends who notice when you’re not yourself

StopHazing defines hazing as any activity expected of someone joining or taking part in a group that humiliates, degrades, abuses or endangers them, no matter whether the person is willing to take part. It can happen in any group: sororities and fraternities, sports teams, bands, clubs and more.

In StopHazing’s 2008 national study, 73% of students in social fraternities or sororities experienced behaviors that met the definition of hazing in order to join or stay. The most common was taking part in a drinking game (53%). Drinking to the point of getting sick or passing out (26%) and being woken at night by other members (19%) were also common.

Ask yourself

• Would I be comfortable if my family or the college saw this?
• Is anyone being pressured to drink, go without sleep, or be embarrassed?
• Would I be punished or shut out for saying no?
• Is this about building people up, or putting them down?

Saying no to hazing takes courage, especially when you want to fit in. You are not betraying anyone by protecting yourself or others. A federal law, the Stop Campus Hazing Act, was signed in December 2024. It requires colleges to include hazing incidents in their yearly campus safety (Clery) reports.

Ways to act

• Say no clearly, and leave if you can
• Talk to a trusted friend, RA, coach, advisor or the dean of students
• Use your college’s hazing reporting form (often anonymous)
• Look out for new members who seem scared, exhausted or sick
• If you’re in leadership, change traditions that harm people

In some chapters and social scenes, heavy drinking can feel like part of belonging. Binge drinking means drinking enough to reach a blood alcohol level of 0.08% or more, which for a typical adult is about five or more drinks for men or four or more for women in about two hours. Thousands of college students end up in the emergency room each year for alcohol overdose.

Ways to stay in control

• Decide your limit before you go out, and stick with a friend
• Alternate with water or soft drinks, and eat first
• Keep your drink with you
• It’s OK to say “I’m good” or hold a soft drink
• Suggest alcohol-free events: game nights, service projects, sports

Chapters have real power to make mental health part of everyday life. Because members live, study and socialize together, they are often the first to notice when someone is struggling.

Ideas for chapter leaders

• Choose a wellness or mental health chair
• Invite the counseling center to speak each semester
• Keep crisis numbers (988) and campus contacts posted
• Plan regular alcohol-free events
• Make it normal to miss an event for health or study
• Train members in how to check on a friend (see Supporting a friend in the College & university life guide)
• Replace hazing traditions with team-building that builds people up

Many students start college in a relationship with someone back home. Long-distance can work, but it takes trust, communication and space for both people to grow.

What helps

• Agree on how and when you’ll stay in touch
• Make plans to visit, so you have something to look forward to
• Keep building your own life on campus
• Talk honestly if your needs change

Breakups can bring grief, anger, loneliness and trouble focusing, often while you’re surrounded by reminders. It helps to treat it like the real loss it is.

Ways to cope

• Lean on friends, and let them know you need them
• Take a break from their social media
• Keep up sleep, food and movement
• Talk to your professors if you need a little time
• Visit the counseling center if it’s affecting your studies

Dating abuse can include checking your phone, cutting you off from friends, insults, pressure for sex, threats or physical harm. It can happen in any relationship. It is never your fault.

Where to get help

• Your campus counseling center or advocacy office
• Your college’s Title IX office (see Sexual assault on campus below)
• A trusted friend, RA or family member

Anyone can change their mind and stop at any time, even after sexual activity has started. Dating someone, or having had sex with them before, does not mean there is consent now.

Checking in can sound like

• “Do you want to keep going?”
• “Is this OK?”
• “We can stop any time.”
• “What would you like?”

A person who is drunk, drugged, high, passed out or asleep cannot give consent. Being drunk or high is never an invitation, and it never makes an assault the survivor’s fault.

Looking out for each other

• Agree with friends to arrive together and leave together
• Check on a friend who seems very drunk, and help them get home safely
• Step in, or get help, if someone is being led away while very drunk
• Never leave someone who has passed out alone

You cannot give real consent if you are threatened, forced, coerced or manipulated into agreeing. CDC describes sexual violence as sexual activity when consent is not obtained or not freely given.

Pressure can look like

• Asking again and again after a no
• Making you feel guilty or like something is wrong with you
• Threatening to break up, spread rumors or share photos
• Using someone’s position, like a team captain or older member

Title IX is a U.S. law that says no person can be excluded from, denied the benefits of, or discriminated against in any education program that gets federal money because of their sex. Colleges treat sexual harassment and sexual assault as part of this.

What this usually means on campus

• Your college has a Title IX coordinator whose contact details are on its website
• You can ask for support, like changes to classes or housing or a no-contact order, even if you don’t want a formal investigation
• You can choose whether to report to the college, the police, both or neither
• You can bring a support person to meetings

Some campus staff, like many professors, coaches and RAs, may be required to pass on what you tell them to the Title IX office. Others, such as counselors, health center clinicians and confidential advocates, generally keep what you say private. You can ask anyone, before you share, whether they have to report.

Confidential places to start

• Campus counseling center
• Student health center
• A campus or community sexual assault advocate
• The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

There is no right way to feel or a set timeline for healing. Talking with a trauma-informed counselor can help you make sense of what happened, manage fear and sleep problems, and feel safer in your body again.

Gentle steps

• Be with people who make you feel safe
• Keep simple routines
• Ask for academic support from the dean of students or Title IX office
• Notice what helps calm your body, like breathing or walking

If a friend tells you they were assaulted, they are trusting you deeply. You don’t need perfect words. What matters most is that they feel believed and not judged.

What to say

• “I believe you.”
• “It’s not your fault.”
• “Thank you for telling me.”
• “What would help right now?”

What to avoid

• Asking what they were wearing or drinking
• Pushing them to report or not report
• Telling others without their permission (unless someone is in danger)

Campus counseling and health centers are generally confidential. RAs, the dean of students office and the Title IX office can help with safety, housing changes and academic support. Ask anyone, before you share, whether they have to report what you tell them.

Who can help with what

• Counseling center: loneliness, breakups, stress, trauma
• Dean of students: hazing, safety concerns, academic help in a crisis
• RA or housing office: roommate problems, room changes
• Title IX office: sexual harassment, assault, dating violence

The National Sexual Assault Hotline, run by RAINN, connects you with a trained staff member from a local sexual assault service provider. Call 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE). It is free, confidential and open 24/7.

Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or chat at 988lifeline.org. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line. Both are free, confidential and open 24/7.

Find A Helpline lists free, confidential helplines around the world, searchable by country and topic, including sexual assault and crisis support.