Childhood challenges

Anxious children may complain of tummy aches or feeling unwell, have trouble sleeping, wake in the night or wet the bed, or have bad dreams. These are real feelings, not “making it up”.

Worried children may become irritable, cry, cling to adults, lose their temper or have outbursts. Some go quiet instead, and their struggle is easy to miss.

Behavior is often a sign of an unmet need: a learning difficulty, anxiety, trauma, hunger or trouble at home. Asking “what is going on for this child?” helps more than asking “how do I stop this?”

Under stress, many children go back to behaviors from when they were younger: baby talk, wetting, thumb sucking or needing help to fall asleep. This is a common way of asking for comfort.

What helps

• Extra closeness and patience, without shaming
• Calm, steady routines
• Naming the change gently: “Things feel big right now. I’m here.”
• Checking with a professional if it lasts a long time

Children may hide wet sheets, dirty underwear, bad grades, lost friendships or teasing because they feel ashamed or fear getting in trouble. A calm, non-judging reaction makes it more likely they will tell you next time.

Helpful phrases

• “I love you no matter what.”
• “It’s not your fault.”
• “Lots of kids go through this. You’re not the only one.”
• “That sounds really hard. Tell me more.”
• “We’ll figure this out together.”
• “Your feelings make sense.”

Talk with your child about their worries without dismissing them, and show that you understand. For older children, explaining that worry is a natural body response can help.

Try to avoid

• “Don’t tell anyone.” (Shame grows in secrecy.)
• “Just ignore them.”
• “Other kids have it worse.”
• “Stop being a baby.”
• “You’re doing it on purpose.”
• “You’re too old for this.”

Ways to make talking easier

• Ask open questions: “What was the best and hardest part of today?”
• Name the feeling you notice: “You seem disappointed.”
• Talk side by side: in the car, walking, drawing or cooking
• Try not to jump straight to advice or solutions
• Use books and films about other children facing the same thing

Some children say more through play, drawing or stories than through questions. Following their lead shows them their feelings are welcome.

Ideas

• Keep routines predictable, especially during change
• Prepare children ahead of time for new or scary things
• Try a worry box: write or draw worries and post them in
• Use books and films to help children understand feelings
• Work with teachers, nurses and counselors as a team

Teaching calming skills like slow breathing (in for 3, out for 3) gives children something to do when worry rises.

Child-friendly ideas

• A calm corner with soft things and books
• Hugging a teddy or wrapping in a blanket
• Movement: jumping, stretching, a walk outside
• “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing
• Squeezing a soft ball, then letting go

Supporting a child through a challenge can be exhausting, worrying and lonely. Your own wellbeing matters, for you and for them. Children notice how adults cope.

Ways to refill

• Ask family and friends for specific help
• Celebrate small wins
• Get support for your own grief or stress
• Take short breaks without guilt
• Talk to other parents who have been through something similar

Ideas

• Clubs and groups that welcome every child, including those who are different
• Kindness campaigns that make exclusion and teasing unacceptable
• Neighbors who offer meals or rides during hard times
• Support groups for parents facing the same challenge
• Teachers and coaches who notice and check in

Each move can mean losing friends, teachers, routines and a sense of “home”. Children may fall behind with schoolwork, stop trying to make friends (“we’ll just move again”), or feel ashamed of where they are living.

In a Scottish study that followed 850 people, teens who had moved home once or twice in childhood had higher odds of high distress at age 18. By age 36, that link was no longer found, which is a hopeful sign.

Child psychiatrists recommend explaining clearly why a move is happening. Without an explanation, children fill the gap with their own, often scarier, guesses.

Ideas

• Help them stay in touch with old friends
• Keep routines the same wherever you are: bedtime, meals, a special song
• Pack a “comfort box” they carry themselves
• Talk through upcoming changes and what they will involve
• Visit the new school or neighborhood together if you can

Ideas

• Check what they already know instead of assuming
• Connect families with the school counselor or social worker
• Keep their housing situation private
• Welcome new students warmly and assign a buddy

Under the federal McKinney-Vento Act, children experiencing homelessness must be enrolled right away, can stay at their original school, and can get transportation. This includes children sharing housing with others because of loss of housing or money hardship.

Every school district has a homeless education liaison who can help. Ask the school office.

More than 1.4 million U.S. K-12 students are suspended or expelled each year. Decades of research suggest this does not make schools safer, and it can raise the chances of dropping out and getting involved with the juvenile justice system.

Removing a child from school can take away the very structure and relationships that would help them.

Some children are disciplined far more harshly than others for the same behavior, including Black students, Native American students, children with disabilities, LGBTQ+ students, and children from low-income families or who have been through trauma.

Approaches

• Anti-bias training for staff
• Clear expectations and layered support for students who need more
• Restorative practices: understanding the harm and making things right
• Strong relationships between staff, students and families
• Trauma-informed responses that consider what a child faces outside school

Steps

• Ask for an evaluation if you suspect a learning or emotional need
• Ask the school what support (not just punishment) is planned
• Ask what happened from your child’s side, calmly
• Keep notes and ask for meetings in writing
• Talk with your pediatrician about health or developmental concerns

In a brain study of adults, thinking about a painful rejection activated brain areas that also process physical pain. The researchers concluded that rejection and physical pain overlap more than people once thought.

So when a child says being left out “hurts”, they are describing something real.

Watch for

• More sadness, anger or tummy aches on school days
• Never mentioning friends or invitations
• Not wanting to go to school or eating lunch alone
• Sudden changes after time online

Rejection can turn into bullying. Being bullied raises the risk of depression, anxiety, sleep problems and lower school achievement.

Ideas

• Help them find one or two kids with shared interests
• Listen first. Don’t rush to fix or call it silly
• Name the feeling: “That sounds really lonely.”
• Role-play joining a game or handling teasing
• Set up low-pressure, short playdates or activities

Ideas

• Create clubs and lunch groups for quieter kids
• Stop exclusion and unkindness quickly
• Use planned groups so no one is picked last
• Watch for children always on the edges

Growth spurts, new body hair, periods and voice changes often come with stronger moods, more self-consciousness, and a bigger need for privacy and independence.

Puberty can start earlier or later than friends, which can be hard either way. Early developers may get unwanted attention; late developers may feel left behind. Body image worries are common.

Ideas

• Leave books around and let them ask questions any time
• Respect their privacy and growing independence
• Stay calm about moods while keeping kind limits
• Talk early, before changes start, in small, relaxed chats
• Use correct names for body parts

Watch for

• Any talk of self-harm or not wanting to be alive
• Big changes in eating, sleep or weight
• Dropping friends or activities they loved
• Sadness, irritability or withdrawal that lasts weeks

Children who perform professionally or compete at high levels can gain confidence, skills and wonderful experiences. They can also face long hours, rejection at auditions, adult-sized pressure, and public comments about their looks or talent.

Possible pressures

• Blurred lines between parent and manager
• Body image pressure from casting or judging
• Feeling their worth depends on being chosen or winning
• Missing school, friends and ordinary childhood
• Struggling when the career slows or ends

What helps

• Have a trusted adult who isn’t part of the business
• Keep performing a choice: check in often about whether they still enjoy it
• Make sure their earnings are protected for their future
• Protect school, sleep, friends and downtime
• Separate love from results: “I love watching you” not “You have to win”

Some children are featured in family videos or run accounts with large audiences. Their everyday moments, tantrums, illnesses and milestones may be shared with strangers and stay online forever.

Research on young people and social media shows effects vary a lot from child to child. Idealized images can affect body image and self-esteem, and heavy use can crowd out sleep and in-person time.

Possible effects on children

• Confusion between family life and work
• Embarrassment as they get older about what was shared
• Exposure to cruel comments or unsafe strangers
• Feeling they must “perform” happiness
• Loss of privacy and control over their own story

Ask yourself

• Does this show where we live or go to school?
• Have I asked them (if they are old enough)?
• Is my child’s childhood being shaped by what gets views?
• Would my child be okay with this being seen at age 16? At 30?

About 11% of U.S. children aged 3 to 17 had current, diagnosed anxiety in 2023–2024. Children’s worries deserve to be taken seriously.

Research going back about three decades has not found that suspensions and expulsions make schools safer. They raise the risk of dropping out.

Being bullied raises the risk of depression, anxiety, sleep problems and lower school achievement. Listening and helping a child find belonging matters.

Moving house or starting a new school can trigger anxiety in children. Honest explanations and steady routines help them settle.

• Child life specialist: preparing for hospital and procedures
• Child psychologist or therapist: feelings, behavior, grief, anxiety
• Occupational therapist: sensory and motor challenges
• Pediatrician or family doctor: a good first step for any worry
• School counselor, psychologist or social worker: school support and plans
• Speech-language pathologist: stuttering and speech or language difficulties

Children’s therapists often use play, drawing and stories, because young children express feelings through play. Talking therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy help older children notice and change worried thoughts. Many therapies include parents, because home is where change happens.