You and your advisor: building a healthy working relationship

Mentoring

Harassment

Your advisor may guide your research, control your funding, sign off on milestones and write the letters you need for your next step. That is a lot of power in one relationship, and it explains why problems with an advisor can feel so frightening.

Advisors and students often carry different unspoken ideas about hours, feedback and independence. Talking about them early, and writing them down, can prevent a lot of hurt later. Some departments call this a mentoring agreement or compact.

Things worth agreeing on

• Authorship: who is listed on papers, and in what order
• Conferences and travel: how often and who pays
• Feedback: how long to expect for comments on a draft
• How to reach each other, and expected reply times
• Meetings: how often, how long and who sets the agenda
• Milestones: a rough timeline for exams, proposal and defense
• Time off: holidays, vacation and sick days
• Working hours and whether evenings or weekends are expected

Before each meeting

1. Send a short update and agenda a day ahead.
2. List what you did, what is stuck and what you need.
3. Bring one or two clear questions.
4. Bring drafts or data, even if they are rough.

After each meeting

1. Write down decisions and next steps.
2. Email a two-line summary if anything was unclear.
3. Put the next meeting in both calendars.

Academic feedback can be blunt. Learning to separate the useful points from the sting takes practice. It helps to remember that critique of your work is not a verdict on you.

A calmer way through

1. Read the comments once, then close them for a few hours.
2. Notice your feelings without acting on them.
3. Sort comments into “quick fixes”, “bigger changes” and “questions”.
4. Ask about anything unclear: “Could you say more about what you’d like here?”
5. Make the changes in small chunks and thank them for their time.

Some advisor relationships stop being hard and become harmful. Harassment can damage mental and physical health, and students who face it may change advisors or leave their programs. It is not your fault, and you don’t have to handle it alone.

First steps if things feel harmful

1. Write down what happened, with dates, words used and any witnesses.
2. Save emails and messages somewhere private.
3. Talk confidentially to the ombuds office, a counselor or a trusted mentor.
4. Learn your formal options: graduate school office, Title IX office or human resources.
5. Look after your own wellbeing while you decide.

An organizational ombuds is a good first stop because talking to one does not start a formal complaint. Ombuds who follow the International Ombuds Association code work to four principles.

Other places to turn

• Counseling center, for your own support
• Department chair or director of graduate studies
• Graduate school or dean of graduate studies office
• Human resources, if you are employed as a research or teaching assistant
• Title IX or equity office, for discrimination and harassment
• Your graduate student association or union, if your campus has one

The national academies report recommends mentoring networks and committee-based advising so trainees depend less on one person. You can build your own version, even if your department hasn’t.

Changing advisors can feel like a scandal, but it happens for many reasons: a bad fit, a change in topic, an advisor leaving, or harm. Students facing harassment sometimes change advisors to protect themselves.

Steps that often help

1. Talk confidentially to an ombuds, mentor or director of graduate studies first.
2. Check your funding: is it tied to your advisor’s grant or to the department?
3. Quietly explore possible new advisors and what they could offer.
4. Ask about your data, authorship on ongoing work and timelines.
5. If it’s safe, have a calm, brief conversation with your current advisor.
6. Get agreements in writing.

What you might say

• “I’ve learned a lot here. My interests have moved toward X, and I think working with Dr. Y would be a better fit.”
• “I’d like to make this transition as smoothly as possible for the lab. Could we agree on how to wrap up my current work?”

Reach out if

• You dread every meeting or message from your advisor
• You are being insulted, threatened or harassed
• Your sleep, health or relationships are suffering
• You feel hopeless, trapped or have thoughts of suicide

Where to start

1. Talk to a trusted mentor, peer or the ombuds office.
2. Book time with your campus counseling center.
3. Talk with your clinical provider about your health.
4. For sexual harassment or assault, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.
5. Call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org, any time you need to talk to someone right now. You can also text HOME to 741741.

Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines in more than 175 countries. Many universities worldwide have their own ombuds or student advocacy offices.