Kids with health conditions

Common feelings

• Fear or boredom during treatments and hospital stays
• Feeling different from other kids
• Frustration at missing school, trips and parties
• Pride and strength from all they handle
• Wanting more say over their own body

All of these feelings make sense. Letting children say them out loud, without rushing to fix them, helps them feel less alone.

Ideas

• Let them choose which arm, which bandage, or which song to play
• Involve them in decisions that affect them, at their level
• Let them help with parts of their own care as they grow
• Teach them to explain their condition in their own words

Children with health conditions are still children first. Play, friends, hobbies, jokes and ordinary family time matter just as much as appointments.

Ideas

• Let them bring a comfort item, toy or book
• Make a plan together: what will help them cope?
• Practice at home with pretend shots or a toy doctor kit
• Tell the clinic ahead of time if your child is nervous
• Tell them the truth, simply and a little ahead of time

Try neutral words like “pressure”, “pinch” or “poke” instead of “pain”. Ask your child’s doctor ahead of time about numbing options, because some take time to work.

Ideas

• Distract: counting, songs, stories, a funny video
• Let older kids choose their own distraction
• Let a young child sit on your lap in a comforting hold
• Slow breathing, with you breathing along
• Stay calm yourself; children read your face

Ideas

• A hug and a few minutes together
• Plan something fun afterward, like the park
• Praise brave steps, however small
• Stickers or small prizes

Try to avoid

• “Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal.” (It can feel like you don’t understand.)
• “It won’t hurt.” (If it does, trust is lost.)
• Scolding a child for not being brave
• Using shots as a threat: “Behave or the nurse will give you a shot.”

Ask the medical team what will happen before, during and after, and let your child ask their own questions. Younger children usually need fewer details than older kids.

If you don’t know an answer, say you will find out, or look for it together. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared, and even mad.

Read books together about going to the hospital; the care team may recommend some. A favorite stuffed animal or blanket can help. You can promise to keep it safe and give it back as soon as you can.

Child life specialists help children and families cope with medical care, with a focus on reducing fear, anxiety and pain. They use therapeutic play, role-play, music and art, and teach breathing and distraction during procedures.

They often include brothers and sisters, and help families cope with illness, injury, disability, loss and grief. Ask if your child’s hospital has one.

Once children feel well enough, videos, music, a device or visitors can help the time pass. Some hospitals have playrooms or teen lounges.

Common feelings

• Embarrassment when people stare or tease
• Guilt about being healthy, or wondering if they caused it
• Jealousy of the attention their sibling gets
• Resentment about extra chores or responsibilities
• Worry about their sibling, or about getting sick themselves

Research reviews have found these siblings can be at higher risk of emotional difficulties, such as low mood and worry. Many also grow in empathy, responsibility and problem-solving.

Ideas

• Ask your child’s doctor about counseling or sibling support groups
• Give honest, age-appropriate information about their sibling
• Include them in family decisions that affect them
• Let them have their own interests and wins, celebrated too
• Plan regular one-on-one time with each child, even 10 minutes

Ideas

• A plan with the school for absences and catch-up
• A named staff member your child can go to
• Health needs written into a school plan, like a 504 plan
• Work sent home or online during long absences

Ideas

• Help classmates understand (with the child’s permission)
• Include the child in everything possible, adapting as needed
• Make a plan with the family for absences and catch-up
• Stop teasing about equipment, looks or absences quickly

Ideas

• Cards, video calls or messages from classmates during hospital stays
• Short visits when it’s safe
• Activities adapted so they can join in
• Helping them decide what to tell friends, and how

Ideas

• Ask the care team about social workers, counselors and sibling groups
• Let friends help with meals, rides and childcare
• Make a list of specific jobs people can take on
• Take turns with another adult for hospital nights if you can

If your child has a serious condition or major surgery, talking with a psychologist, social worker or counselor can help you work through your feelings.

Ideas

• Faith groups, clubs and neighbors offering meals or rides
• Parent support groups for the same condition
• Schools and clubs that adapt so every child can join
• Friends who keep inviting, even when you often say no

Helpful words

• “It’s okay to be scared. I’ll be right here.”
• “This will pinch for a few seconds, then it’s done.”
• “You don’t have to be brave. You just have to get through it, and I’ll help.”
• “You can ask me anything about your body.”

Being truthful about the condition and welcoming questions helps the whole family.

Children may feel angry at their body, sad about what they miss, or jealous of healthy friends. Let them say it. Play, drawing and stories can help younger children show what they can’t say.

Neutral words like “pressure” or “pinch” help more than promises it won’t hurt. Brushing off worries can make children feel misunderstood.

Comforting holds, where a child sits with a parent, are very different from being held down. Ask the team to show you a supportive hold.

Siblings may feel invisible, guilty or worried. Many also grow in empathy. One-on-one time and honest information help.

About one in four adults fear needles. Helping children cope now can make future care easier.

• Child life specialist: preparing for and coping with procedures
• Child psychologist or therapist: worry, sadness, medical fears
• Hospital social worker: practical help, support groups, sibling programs
• School counselor or nurse: school plans and check-ins

If anxiety about needles or medical care feels too overwhelming, a mental health professional or child life specialist can help.

Ask your child’s doctor about comfort options for procedures, and about counseling or support groups for your child and their siblings.