Military kids: moves, deployments & growing up

• Comfort with new people and places
• Courage to start over
• Empathy for others who are new
• Knowing how to keep in touch across distance
• Pride in their family’s service

Each move can mean losing friends, teams and favorite places. Kids may feel sad, angry or tired of starting over, even when they also like the adventure. Feeling both is normal.

VA notes that children of any age often worry about a deployed parent’s safety. Their play may turn anxious or sad, and play alone may not ease those fears. Honest, calm reassurance helps.

Some military kids feel they belong everywhere and nowhere. Friendships with other military kids, who get it without explanation, can be a real anchor.

April is the Month of the Military Child. On “Purple Up!” days, people wear purple, a color that blends the colors of all the services, to thank military kids for their strength.

• Take photos of favorite places and people
• Make a memory book or box
• Plan a goodbye with friends
• Swap contact details so they can stay in touch
• Let them help decide what to keep and give away

Youth sponsorship programs pair military kids with a peer at the new installation or school, to help them make connections. Ask your school liaison for a referral.

Military OneSource suggests setting up predictable routines for meals, sleep and school, keeping one familiar family ritual, and planning something fun that has nothing to do with the move.

Under the Interstate Compact, schools should help military kids join extracurricular activities even if tryouts or deadlines have passed. Ask right away.

• Little ones: lots of closeness, a favorite toy within reach, and simple words about what is happening
• School-age kids: a role in planning, like choosing paint for their room
• Teens: a real say, time to say goodbye to friends, and patience with big feelings about leaving

• Carry copies of school records to the new school. They can be used until the official ones arrive.
• You have 30 days after enrollment to meet new immunization rules.
• Kindergarten and first graders can stay in their grade even if the new school has a different age cutoff.

New schools should place students based on the classes they already took, and honor similar advanced or gifted programs.

Students can waive courses they already completed, schools may accept earlier exit exams, and districts work together so a senior who moves can still get a diploma on time.

Students may ask for excused absences for military-related reasons around a parent’s deployment. Check how your state applies this.

Every installation has a school liaison for pre-K to 12th grade. They help with school choice, credit transfers, youth sponsorship, homeschool rules, deployment support and special education referrals.

If your child has an IEP, federal law protects their right to the same services at the new school. Send school and health records early.

The Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) helps families manage care and services for a family member with special needs. Ask your installation, or call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647 for a special needs consultant.

VA notes that a parent who can manage their own upsetting feelings acts as a buffer for children. Talking through your own worries with other adults, friends or a counselor helps you stay steady for them.

VA suggests explaining where the parent is going, how long they will be gone and how you will stay in touch, in words that fit the child’s age. Reassure kids they are safe, without changing the facts.

In the same study, older teens, girls and kids in Guard and Reserve families reported more challenges during deployments and homecomings. For teens, living on a military base seemed to ease some of these problems.

The “Veterans: family & partners” guide has cards for little ones, school-age kids and teens, with what helps at each age.

United Through Reading helps service members record themselves reading a story, so kids can hear a parent’s voice while apart.

VA notes that teens may act out, withdraw, or resist new family roles when a parent comes home. Hearing and respecting their ideas helps.

Ways to include them

• Ask their view before decisions that affect them
• Let them plan part of the move or homecoming
• Agree together on extra jobs at home, and thank them

During a deployment, older kids often step up. That can build pride. Watch that they still have time for school, friends and rest, and that adult worries stay with adults.

In the California survey, teens with a brother or sister in the military, but no parent, reported some of the highest rates of sadness and suicidal thoughts. Their worry can be easy to miss.

• 4-H clubs and camps through the 4-H Military Partnership
• Boys & Girls Clubs programs and Military Youth of the Year
• College scholarships for military teens
• Installation youth and teen centers
• Joint Service Teen Council

• Talking about wanting to die, or about being a burden
• Pulling away from friends and family
• Giving away valued things or saying goodbyes
• Taking reckless risks, like dangerous speeding
• Drinking or using drugs more often
• Sudden, big mood swings

• Helping a parent with daily tasks
• Looking after younger brothers and sisters
• Keeping the house quiet or calm
• Staying close to home instead of going out
• Worrying about money or their parent’s health

Kids may feel proud of their parent and also sad, angry or embarrassed at times. Some feel guilty for wanting normal things. All these feelings are allowed. Tell them so, often.

VA suggests sharing the basics in age-right words, being clear that kids are not to blame, and sharing hope. The “Veterans: family & partners” guide has a step-by-step card on talking about a parent’s PTSD.

Our Military Kids funds activities like sports, arts and tutoring for kids of combat-injured veterans and service members, and for kids of deployed Guard and Reserve members.

Child and youth Military and Family Life Counselors work in child development centers, DoD schools, youth centers, camps and pediatric clinics. They help with anger, bullying, divorce, self-esteem and family relationships. Kids under 18 need written parent consent.

Free videos, printables and games from Sesame Workshop, made with DoD, on deployments, moves, homecomings, injuries, grief and feelings.

The National Military Family Association runs free, weeklong summer camps just for military-connected kids, focused on resilience, connection and fun.

• 4-H Military Partnership clubs and camps
• Boys & Girls Clubs of America military programs
• Installation child and youth programs
• DoD summer camps

Service members can record themselves reading a book through an app or at Story Stations on installations, so kids can watch it while apart.

• Anger or fighting that keeps happening
• Bad temper that is hard to soothe
• Clinging a lot more than usual
• Crying often
• Refusing to go to school
• Sleep changes or aches that won’t go away

Free, confidential counseling and help finding family support, education consultants and special needs consultants.

Talk with your child’s clinical provider or school counselor about worries that last. They can refer you to a therapist who works with children and families.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free and confidential, by call, text or chat, any time. Military and veteran families can call 988 and press 1, or text 838255, to reach the Veterans & Military Crisis Line, which also serves families and friends.

MFLCs work at installations worldwide, including DoD schools. Military OneSource lists ways to call from overseas. For a local helpline, visit findahelpline.com.