Urge & craving toolkit

Being very hungry can make people irritable, rushed and quick to grab whatever is closest, whether that’s food, an argument or a purchase.

Try

• Keep a simple snack in your bag
• Don’t shop for food (or anything) on an empty stomach
• Eat before hard conversations if you can

Anger gives the body a surge of energy and narrows our focus. It’s the feeling most likely to push us to say or do something fast.

Try

• Delay replies and decisions until you have cooled down
• Move your body to burn off the surge
• Write it down instead of sending it

For much more on anger, see the anger guides.

When we feel disconnected, we often reach for a quick hit of contact or comfort. That might be hours online, messaging an ex, or buying something to feel better.

Try

• Message one person you trust, honestly: “Feeling a bit low, can we talk?”
• Go where people are: a class, faith community, library or park
• See the “Loneliness: understanding it” guide

Not getting enough sleep makes it harder to control impulses.

Try

• Notice if your “danger hours” are late at night
• Make a rule: no big purchases, breakups or resignations after 10 p.m.
• Rest first, decide later

In a 2009 study, 123 college students who smoked were shown cues that trigger cravings. Half got brief urge-surfing instructions. Both groups felt similar urges. But over the next 7 days, the urge-surfing group smoked significantly fewer cigarettes.

The researchers suggested that mindfulness may not shrink urges at first. Instead, it may change how people respond to them. That is the heart of impulse control: you can have an urge and still choose.

Health advice for people quitting smoking notes that cravings usually last only a few minutes, so having a distraction ready helps. Many other urges follow a similar rise and fall.

When you’re in the middle of an urge, your brain tells you it will grow and grow until you act. Each time you ride one out, you collect proof that it isn’t true.

Try one of these

• “This is an urge, not an order.”
• “It’s a wave. I can ride it.”
• “I don’t have to decide anything right now.”
• “It will pass, it always does.”
• “I can feel this and still choose.”

Pick one phrase and use it every time. Repetition helps it come to mind when you need it.

The first step is literal: stop what you’re doing. Hands off the keyboard. Mouth closed. Feet still. Even two seconds of stillness interrupts the automatic chain.

Stepping back can be physical (leaving the room, walking away from the screen) or mental (one slow breath, counting to ten). Distance lowers the heat.

Ideas

• “I need a minute, I’ll be right back.”
• Put the item down and walk to another aisle
• Close the app or the tab
• Step outside for fresh air

Look at the whole picture. What are you feeling? What is your body doing? What thoughts are racing? What is actually happening, and what are other people saying or doing?

Questions to ask

• What am I feeling right now?
• What is the urge telling me to do?
• What are the facts, not my guesses?
• Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?

Now decide. Ask: what will make this better, not worse? What would the version of me I want to be do here? Sometimes the answer is to do nothing at all for now.

Helpful questions

• How will I feel about this tomorrow?
• Does this match what I care about?
• What outcome do I actually want?
• Is there a smaller or safer version of this?

Ten minutes is long enough for many urges to peak and fade, and short enough to feel doable.

How to do it

1. Notice the urge and say, “Not yet. Ten minutes.”
2. Set a timer.
3. Do something else with your hands and attention: walk, wash dishes, text a friend.
4. When the timer rings, check in. Still want it? Wait another 10, or decide calmly.

Quitting, breaking up, big purchases, tattoos, angry emails: decisions like these deserve a night’s sleep. Feelings at 11 p.m. are often very different from feelings at 9 a.m.

Since tiredness weakens the brakes, deciding after rest gives you the best version of your judgment.

Things worth sleeping on

• Any purchase over an amount you set
• Ending a relationship or friendship
• Quitting a job, team or course
• Posting something personal or heated online

Writing the urge down (“I want to buy those shoes”, “I want to tell my boss I quit”) gives it somewhere to go. It also turns a hot impulse into something you can look at later with cooler eyes.

Money guidance suggests something similar for shopping: note the item, where you saw it and the price, then check your plan before buying.

Waiting is easier when your hands and mind are busy. Pick a swap ahead of time so you don’t have to think in the moment.

Swap ideas

• Urge to snack from boredom → a glass of water and a short walk
• Urge to scroll → stretch, or read two pages of a book
• Urge to shop → look at photos of something you already love
• Urge to argue → write your points down for later

Even small barriers work, because impulses depend on speed. If acting takes longer than the urge lasts, the urge often wins less.

Examples

• Remove saved card details from shopping sites
• Log out of apps after each use
• Keep tempting snacks in a high cupboard, or don’t buy them
• Leave credit cards at home, take a set amount of cash
• Move games or social apps off your home screen

Health advice for people quitting smoking suggests avoiding places and people that trigger the habit early on, and breaking routines tied to it, like changing your route or the time you take your break.

Ideas

• Turn off non-essential notifications
• Unsubscribe from sale emails
• Unfollow accounts that leave you wanting to buy or compare
• Take a different route home if it passes a trigger
• Change the part of your routine where the urge usually hits

Telling a friend about a goal, or agreeing to check with someone before a big purchase, adds friendly friction. It also means you’re not facing it alone.

Ideas

• A “check-in buddy” you text before acting on a big urge
• Shopping with a list and a friend
• Asking family to keep certain things out of the house for a while

Steps

1. Pick one urge you want to handle differently.
2. Name the exact trigger: a time, place, feeling or cue.
3. Choose one simple action you can do every time.
4. Write it as: “If ___, then I will ___.”
5. Say it to yourself a few times, or picture yourself doing it.

Vague plans (“I’ll be better”) rarely work. Specific plans (“If I open a shopping app after 9 p.m., then I will close it and put my phone on the charger”) do much better.

Try

• If I feel the urge to send an angry text, then I’ll type it in my notes and wait an hour.
• If I add something over $30 to my cart, then I’ll leave it there for 24 hours.
• If I catch myself scrolling in bed, then I’ll put the phone across the room.
• If someone pressures me to take a risk, then I’ll say “Not tonight” and text a friend.
• If I feel like quitting in the middle of a hard day, then I’ll write down why and decide tomorrow.

People often give up after one mistake: “I already blew it, so why bother?” A plan for slips stops that spiral.

Examples

• If I give in once, then I’ll write down what happened and start fresh tomorrow.
• If I overspend, then I’ll pause that card for a week.
• If I say something hurtful, then I’ll apologise within a day.

Questions to explore

• What do I want people to say about me?
• When have I felt proud of myself?
• What would I do more of if I weren’t afraid?
• What kind of parent, friend, partner or worker do I want to be?

Common values

• Kindness
• Honesty
• Health
• Family
• Freedom
• Faith
• Learning
• Reliability
• Fun

In the moment of an urge, ask one simple question: will this move me toward the person I want to be, or away from them? You don’t have to answer perfectly. Just asking creates a pause.

Examples

• Value: being a calm parent. Urge: yelling. Toward move: step out for a minute.
• Value: saving for a trip. Urge: impulse buy. Toward move: add it to the “maybe later” list.
• Value: being a good friend. Urge: gossip. Toward move: change the subject.

You will sometimes act against your values. Everyone does. Values aren’t a pass-or-fail test. They’re like a compass: when you notice you’ve drifted, you simply turn back.

Pick small, low-stakes urges to practise on: checking your phone, grabbing a snack, replying to a mildly annoying message. Each one is a rep.

Practice ideas

• Do one 5-minute urge surf a day
• Leave a non-urgent message for 10 minutes before replying
• Run through STOP when you’re only a little annoyed
• Wait 2 minutes before opening an app

Habits form by repeating an action in the same setting. In the study above, people tied their new habit to a fixed cue, like a meal or a time of day.

Examples

• Every time I get into bed, my phone goes on the charger across the room
• Every time I open a shopping app, I check my list first
• Every time I sit in the car, my phone goes in the glove box

If-then plans work the same way: the cue triggers the response, so you don’t have to decide in the moment.

In the habit study, missing a single chance to do the new behaviour did not materially affect how the habit formed. Doing it consistently over time mattered more than a perfect streak.

In addiction recovery, thoughts of using are normal and don’t mean someone will return to use. With good coping skills, people learn to let them go.

Rewarding self-control and thoughtful choices is part of some therapies for impulsivity. You can borrow the idea at home.

Ideas

• Celebrate a week of sticking to your plan with something you enjoy
• Keep a tally of pauses on your phone or a calendar
• Share a win with your check-in buddy
• Use the Urge log to spot progress over time

Steps

1. Wait until you are both calm.
2. Say what you did, plainly: “I said something really unkind.”
3. Own it, without “but”: “That wasn’t okay.”
4. Acknowledge the impact: “I know that hurt.”
5. Make it right if you can: pay back, replace, undo.
6. Say what you’ll do differently next time.

For repair after anger specifically, see the anger guides.

Self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It’s holding yourself accountable while staying kind. Research suggests this makes people more likely to grow, not less.

Kind self-talk

• “I messed up, and I’m human.”
• “This doesn’t erase all the times I got it right.”
• “What can I learn from this?”
• “What would I tell a friend right now?”

Questions to ask

• What was happening just before?
• Was I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?
• What was the urge trying to give me?
• Where could I have added a pause?
• What if-then plan could help next time?

The Repair plan worksheet and Urge log in this guide can help you do this.

Some impulses can be partly undone. Doing it quickly often makes it easier.

Ideas

• Check return and cancellation windows right away
• Delete or edit a post, and apologise if others saw it
• Call your bank or card company if you need a payment plan
• Ask for help with the hardest part

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) teaches mindfulness, distress tolerance and emotion regulation. It often includes a weekly skills group.

DBT is especially helpful for people who find it hard to manage and regulate emotions.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) looks at the thoughts behind impulsive actions and helps build patience and self-control.

What you might do

• Plan for tricky situations ahead of time
• Practise delaying in small steps
• Spot “I have to have it now” thinking
• Track urges and what sets them off

Options

• A school or college counselor
• A therapist trained in CBT or DBT
• Your clinical provider
• Your workplace employee assistance program (EAP), if you have one

For help finding and paying for care, see Finding mental health care. To learn about each therapy, see Therapy: the basics.