Coping strategies: the basics

Problem-focused coping means working on the thing that is causing the stress. It works best when part of the problem is in your hands, like a deadline, a messy room or a bill you have been avoiding.

Big problems feel scary because our brain sees them all at once. Breaking them into small pieces gives your brain one clear next step. Each finished step also gives you a small sense of “I can do this.”

Try it

1. Write the problem in one sentence.
2. List 3 things you could do about it, even silly ones.
3. Pick the smallest, easiest step.
4. Choose when you will do it, like “after lunch today.”
5. Do it, then notice how it feels. Pick the next step.

Emotion-focused coping helps you handle the feelings, not the problem itself. It is the right first move when emotions are so big that you can’t think clearly.

When your body’s alarm is on, the thinking part of your brain has a harder time. Calming your body first, with slow breathing or a short walk, can make it easier to think and choose what to do next.

Examples

• Slow breathing or 5-4-3-2-1 grounding
• A walk, a stretch or a dance in the kitchen
• A calming playlist
• A warm shower, a cup of tea, a cozy blanket
• Writing or drawing what you feel
• Letting yourself cry if you need to

People are one of our strongest coping tools. The CDC says social connection can help people cope with hard times and lower the risk of depression and anxiety.

Support comes in different shapes

• Listening support: someone who lets you vent without fixing
• Practical support: a ride, a meal, help with a task
• Advice support: someone who has been through something similar
• Company: just sitting together, watching a show, taking a walk

It can help to know which kind you need before you reach out. Try saying, “I don’t need advice, I just need to talk,” or “Could you help me with one thing?”

Some things can’t be fixed: a loss, an illness, a move you didn’t choose. Fighting what can’t be changed often adds a second layer of pain. Acceptance means making room for what is real, while still caring for yourself.

Acceptance does not mean you like it or agree with it. It means you stop spending all your energy wishing it were different, so you have energy left for what matters.

Questions that can help

• What is in my control here, and what is not?
• What matters most to me, even now?
• What would I say to a friend going through this?
• Is there anything this is teaching me, even something small?

Sometimes your mind needs a rest from a problem. A planned break gives your feelings time to settle, so you can come back with fresh eyes.

The key word is “planned.” A healthy distraction has an end, like one episode, one puzzle or one walk. Distraction that goes on for hours, or becomes the only thing you do, can slide into avoidance.

Ideas

• A puzzle, word game or crossword
• One episode of a comfort show
• Cooking, baking or gardening
• Playing an instrument or singing along
• Shooting hoops or kicking a ball around
• Drawing, coloring or building something

These tools work on your body first. When your body relaxes, your mind often follows. Relaxation methods aim for slower breathing, a lower heart rate and lower blood pressure, the opposite of the stress response.

Ideas

• Deep breathing (see the Breathing basics guide)
• Blowing bubbles, which slows your breath down
• Tensing and relaxing muscles, one group at a time
• A body scan: noticing where you hold tension, from head to toe
• Yoga or gentle stretching
• A warm bath or shower
• Taking a break in a quiet, safe space

Grounding tools pull your attention away from racing thoughts and into the present moment, using what you can see, hear, touch, smell and taste.

Ideas

• 5-4-3-2-1: name things you can see, feel, hear, smell and taste
• Squeezing a stress ball or using a fidget toy
• Playing with playdough or slime
• Making a calm-down jar with water and glitter, then watching it settle
• Counting to 10 slowly, or repeating a calming phrase
• Holding something soft, like a blanket or stuffed animal

Creative activities give feelings a shape outside your head. They also hold your attention, which gives worries a rest. You don’t need to be “good” at it. The point is the doing, not the result.

Ideas

• Drawing, painting or coloring (mindfulness coloring pages work well)
• Journaling or writing about your feelings
• Crafting, sewing or knitting
• Simple cooking or baking
• Making a vision board of your hopes and goals
• Making a worry doll or plushie to “hold” your worries
• Dancing freely to music you love

When your mind is spinning, a task that needs focus can quiet it. Puzzles and games give your brain a clear, doable job. This is healthy distraction: a planned break that you come back from feeling steadier.

Ideas

• A jigsaw puzzle, maze, crossword or brain teaser
• A board game or card game
• Building with blocks or construction toys
• Reading a favorite book, or listening to an uplifting story
• Watching a funny or lighthearted show
• Organizing a small space, like a desk drawer or closet shelf

The way you talk to yourself matters. A harsh inner voice adds stress on top of stress. Kind, honest self-talk helps you keep going when things are hard.

Ideas

• Positive self-talk, like “I can do this” or “I’ve handled hard things before”
• Saying kind affirmations out loud in front of a mirror
• Writing a gratitude list, or drawing things you’re thankful for
• A gratitude jar: add one good moment each day, then read them on hard days
• Listening to guided affirmations or an encouraging podcast
• Setting small goals and celebrating each step

Moving your body helps burn off stress energy, and being outside adds fresh air and a change of view. The CDC says being active can help you feel better, function better and sleep better.

Ideas

• A relaxing walk or jog
• A walk outdoors to connect with nature
• Planting or caring for a garden or houseplant
• Playing with a pet
• Any physical activity or exercise you enjoy

Sharing a worry with someone you trust can make it feel lighter. Strong social ties help people cope with hard times and handle stress better.

Ideas

• Call a friend or a loved one
• Talk to a trusted adult, mentor, teacher or faith leader
• Play a game or do a puzzle with someone
• Hug someone you love, or a comforting stuffed animal
• Use a feelings chart to find the words for how you feel, then share it

Routines make life feel more predictable, which helps when everything else feels uncertain. A cozy, calming space at home gives you somewhere to go when you need to reset.

Ideas

• Building a calm corner, cozy fort or safe retreat space
• A coping toolbox: a box of comforting items (see the worksheet)
• A calming bedtime or morning routine
• Daily self-care basics, like showering and brushing your teeth
• Picturing a safe, happy place in your mind
• Following a guided imagery or relaxation video

Children often show and work through feelings by playing. Simple, playful tools can help them calm down and name what they feel. Grown-ups can join in, which teaches the skill and builds connection.

Ideas

• Imaginative play with dolls, action figures or dress-up
• Blowing bubbles slowly
• A calm-down jar or sensory bottle
• Building with blocks or construction toys
• Hugging a stuffed animal
• A feelings chart to point to how they feel
• A cozy fort or calm corner

In a support group, people with a shared experience meet to talk and listen. Hearing “me too” can ease shame and loneliness. You also pick up coping ideas that have worked for others.

Where to look

• Community centers, libraries and places of worship
• Schools, colleges and workplaces
• Local hospitals and clinics
• Online groups run by trusted organizations

Being part of a team means sharing the load, so no one carries everything alone. Teammates cheer you on, which builds confidence. Regular practices give you a reason to show up and people who notice when you don’t.

How to be a good teammate (and feel better too)

• Be open and honest, and listen to others
• Know your role and how your strengths help the group
• Celebrate wins together, big and small
• Offer help when a teammate is struggling
• Welcome people from different backgrounds

Singing or playing music together creates a shared experience. Everyone breathes, listens and moves in time. Music helps people bond, which is part of why group music can feel so uplifting.

Ways to join in

• A community, school or faith choir
• A drum circle or beginner music class
• Karaoke or jam sessions with friends
• Singing groups for older adults at senior centers

Walking groups mix gentle exercise, fresh air and friendly company. Some people find it easier to open up when walking side by side than when sitting face to face.

The NHS mentions group walks that support people with health problems, including mental health conditions. Exercise in a group is also a recommended option for milder depression.

Doing something kind for others is one of the NHS “5 steps to mental wellbeing.” Giving your time can bring a sense of purpose and help you feel connected to your community.

Ideas, big and small

• Help at a food bank, animal shelter or park clean-up
• Coach or help with a youth sports team
• Check in on an older neighbor
• Say thank you, or give a real compliment

Creative activities give feelings a shape outside your head. They also absorb your attention, which gives worries a rest. Learning a new skill can boost confidence too.

• Draw, color, paint, bake or build something
• Play a game, do a puzzle, or pet an animal
• Write a poem, a story or a song
• Learn a small new skill, like a recipe or a few chords

Grounding pulls your attention back to the here and now through your senses and body. It is the first move when feelings are so big that thinking is hard.

Inside that guide

• Calming at work, at school and on the go
• Quick resets in 5 minutes or less
• Sensory overload and building a sensory kit
• Soothing your senses

Our thoughts shape how we feel and what we do. Skills from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) help you notice unhelpful thoughts and loosen their grip.

Inside that guide

• Checking a thought and finding a balanced one
• Coming back to now with mindfulness
• Living with uncertainty and waiting
• Spotting common thinking traps
• Worry time and writing it down

When stress is high, good ideas can vanish. A plan written while you feel calm holds your best ideas for you.

Inside that guide

• Coping by situation: family conflict, grief, money, caregiving, illness, big changes
• Coping cards you can keep in your pocket
• Medical visits and hospital stays
• A step-by-step plan for hard moments

Where to look

• After a hard moment: what to do next, for the hours and days after a shock
• Breathing basics, plus guides on breathing for anxiety and panic, for sleep and on the go
• Mindset basics, Motivation, and Resilience, hope & gratitude
• Rest & recharging, for breaks and low-energy days
• Self-compassion & your inner critic, for a kinder inner voice

CBT is a structured, goal-focused talk therapy. It is built on a simple idea: your thoughts affect how you feel and what you do. By changing unhelpful thoughts and habits, you can handle stress in healthier ways.

What you learn

• Noticing quick “automatic thoughts” and how they affect your mood
• Questioning thinking traps, like all-or-nothing thinking
• Swapping in more balanced thoughts
• Changing habits step by step, like slowly getting back to activities you used to enjoy

Sessions are usually about an hour. Many people go for about 8 to 12 visits, though some need more. You will often get small practice tasks to try between sessions.

CBT can help with anxiety, depression, stress, grief, sleep problems, relationship struggles and more.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) grew out of CBT. It was made for people who feel emotions very intensely. “Dialectical” means bringing together two ideas that seem opposite: accepting yourself as you are, and working to change.

The four skill sets

• Mindfulness: staying aware of the present, instead of stuck in the past or future
• Distress tolerance: getting through a crisis without making things worse
• Emotion regulation: understanding your feelings and having more say over them
• Interpersonal effectiveness: asking for what you need, setting boundaries, and staying respectful

Full DBT usually includes weekly one-on-one sessions, a skills class in a group, and phone coaching between sessions. It often lasts six months to a year.

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) does not try to get rid of hard thoughts and feelings. Instead, it helps you see them as a normal part of being human, so they push you around less. Then you take steps toward what matters to you.

Key ideas, with examples

• Acceptance: “I feel nervous before this interview, and that makes sense.”
• Stepping back from thoughts: “I’m having the thought that I’ll fail,” not “I will fail.”
• Being present: paying attention to dinner with family, not tomorrow’s worries
• You are more than your thoughts: “I’m having a hard day, but it doesn’t define me.”
• Values: knowing what matters to you, like staying close to friends
• Committed action: small steps, like a short walk three times a week

ACT may help with anxiety, stress, depression and coping with long-term illness. It tends to suit teens and adults best.

Mindfulness means keeping your attention on the present moment, without judging it. Some programs teach it step by step, like mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). Others blend it with CBT, called mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).

Research suggests mindfulness approaches can help with anxiety, depression and stress, and may improve sleep quality. Much of the research is still early, so results may be a little too hopeful.

Relaxation methods, like slow breathing and tensing and relaxing muscles, are often taught alongside. They help turn on the body’s natural calming response.

SAMHSA suggests asking questions, listening to the person’s ideas and responding with care when mental health comes up. Reassuring them that you care is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Try saying

• “I’ve been worried about you. Can we talk about what you’re going through?”
• “I care and I want to listen. What do you want me to know?”
• “Do you want ideas, or would it help more if I just listened?”
• “It seems like a hard time. How can I help?”

• “Just think positive.”
• “Others have it worse.”
• “You should try yoga / journaling / exercise” as the first thing you say
• “Snap out of it.”
• Turning the conversation to your own story too quickly

Coping ideas can help later, once the person feels heard. Offer them as gentle invitations, not instructions.

Ideas

• Go for a walk together, since movement and company both help
• Breathe together: try a few slow breaths side by side
• Cook a simple meal, or bring one over
• Make a playlist or watch a comforting show together
• Help them fill in “My plan for hard moments” from the Building your coping plan guide

Connecting with others can lower the risk of depression and anxiety and help people manage stress. Practical help, like a ride or a meal, counts as support too.

SAMHSA suggests finding out whether the person is getting the care they need and want, and if not, helping them connect to it, while reminding them that mental health problems can be treated.

• Offer to help them look for a counselor or call their doctor
• Offer a ride to the first appointment
• Remind them that 988 is there for anyone who is struggling, not only in a crisis

NIMH warning signs include talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling hopeless or trapped, withdrawing, giving away belongings and using drugs or alcohol more. Get help quickly if these are new or getting worse.

The 5 action steps (988 Lifeline)

1. Ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Asking does not increase risk.
2. Be there, in person or by phone.
3. Help keep them safe by putting time and distance between them and dangerous items.
4. Help them connect to 988 or other ongoing support.
5. Follow up with a call or text.

Supporting someone through a hard time can stir up your own stress. Use these coping tools for yourself, share the support with others, and be honest about your limits. Getting support for yourself is not selfish. It helps you keep showing up.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline connects you with a trained crisis counselor by call, text or chat (988lifeline.org), any time of day. It is free and confidential, and it is for any kind of emotional distress, not only thoughts of suicide.

Crisis Text Line is another free, 24/7 option. Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to reach a trained counselor by text.

Your regular doctor or a mental health professional is a good first step. Talk therapies like CBT teach coping skills step by step.

Other places to ask

• A school counselor or college counseling center
• A faith leader or community organization you trust
• Your workplace support program, if you have one

Find A Helpline is a free directory of crisis and support lines in more than 175 countries, reachable by phone, text or chat. The International Association for Suicide Prevention points people to it as a global directory.