Finding your people: music, movies & sports

Humans are built to belong. When you are part of a fan group, a club or a crowd, your brain gets the message “I am not alone.” That feeling can be calming and lift your mood.

Researcher Daniel Wann has studied sports fans for decades. In his surveys of college students, fans who felt more strongly connected to a team tended to report less loneliness and alienation, and more positive feelings and pride in their group. These studies show a link, not proof that fandom causes better wellbeing.

Small talk can feel awkward. Shared interests make it easier. “Did you see the game?” or “Have you heard the new album?” opens a door without pressure.

Easy openers

• “What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?”
• “How did you become a fan?”
• “What should I watch next?”
• “Who are you watching the match with this weekend?”

A weekly match, a new season of a show, or a concert in three months gives you something to look forward to. Looking forward to good things can help on hard days.

Regular events also create routine. Seeing the same people at the same watch party or club meeting each week is how strangers slowly become friends.

A large study of more than 93,000 adults aged 65 and older in 16 countries found that people with hobbies reported better health, more happiness, fewer symptoms of depression and higher life satisfaction. The study was observational, so it cannot prove that hobbies caused these benefits.

The researchers suggested that hobbies done in groups or clubs keep people socially connected, which may help reduce loneliness and isolation.

In 2019, a World Health Organization (WHO) Europe review mapped research from over 3,000 studies on the arts and health. It found the arts can play a major role in preventing ill health, promoting health, and supporting people living with illness, across the whole lifespan.

Among the benefits it described were social connection and community health. Going to concerts, films and cultural events, not just making art, counts as arts engagement.

At a big concert, the crowd breathes, sings, claps and moves together. Many people describe it as a rush of joy and togetherness, a feeling that “everyone here gets it.”

Researchers think doing things in time with others, like singing and moving to the same beat, helps people feel bonded. That may be part of why concerts and choirs feel so connecting.

Concert care tips

• Bring earplugs: concerts are loud enough to harm hearing
• Drink water and plan breaks
• Agree on a meeting spot with friends in case you get separated
• Plan how you will get home safely

Many fandoms have their own traditions: matching outfits, handmade friendship bracelets swapped with strangers, signs, shared chants, or group listening parties when a new album drops.

Traditions like these give people an easy way to connect. Swapping a bracelet or complimenting someone’s outfit is a low-pressure way to say hello.

Telling someone “this song reminds me of you” or sharing a favorite album is a small act of trust. It lets people know what you feel without needing the perfect words.

Ideas

• Swap a “song of the week” with a friend
• Make a shared playlist with family where everyone adds one song
• Ask an older relative what music they loved at your age
• Host a listening night where each person plays one song and says why it matters

Online fan spaces let people in different countries share the same favorite artist. Some fans learn new languages, explore new cultures or make pen pals through music.

This can be especially meaningful for people who feel different from those around them, live in small towns, or have trouble getting out. A fandom can be a first place to feel understood.

Watching a match with others turns a game into a shared event. You celebrate together, groan together and talk it through afterward. Even people who barely know each other can feel like a team for 90 minutes.

Where to find one

• Local supporters’ clubs (many list meeting places online)
• Community centers, libraries or parks that show big matches
• Friends, coworkers or neighbors who follow the same team
• Host your own: snacks, a screen and an open invitation

Supporters’ clubs are groups of fans who meet to watch games, organize trips and often do charity work together. For someone who has just moved to a new city or country, a supporters’ club can be one of the fastest ways to meet people.

Many clubs also run food drives, fundraisers or volunteer days. Giving to others is one of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing.

When your team wins, it can feel like you won too. Fans often wear team colors, talk about the game at work or school, and celebrate with strangers. Psychologists call this “basking in reflected glory.”

In one lab study, fans who watched their team win rated their own abilities and self-esteem higher than fans who watched their team lose. As one researcher put it, the team can feel like an extension of yourself.

Being a fan has real lows. Using about 3 million mood reports from 32,000 people in the UK, researchers found happiness rose about 3.9 points in the hour after a win but fell about 7.8 points after a loss. The pain of losing was more than double the joy of winning.

For fans at the stadium, the swings were bigger: about a 10-point lift after a win and a 14-point drop after a loss. The researchers described the overall effect of being a fan on moment-to-moment happiness as negative, even though people keep coming back.

After a tough loss

• Name it: “I’m gutted, and that’s okay.”
• Talk it through with fellow fans instead of stewing alone
• Take a break from comment sections and replays
• Do something that resets your body: a walk, a shower, food, sleep
• Remember: it is a game. Your worth does not depend on the score.

Many fans start a casual pickup game, a walking football group or a local league because they love watching. Playing adds the benefits of moving your body to the benefits of belonging.

A weekly family movie night, a show you watch with a roommate, or a “watch-along” over video call with a faraway friend all create shared time. The talking afterward is often the best part.

Ideas

• Take turns picking the movie
• Pause to guess what happens next
• Ask “Which character are you most like?”
• Watch a film from another person’s culture and let them explain it

Film clubs meet to watch a movie and discuss it. Libraries, colleges, community centers and local cinemas often run them, sometimes for free. Some focus on classics, others on a genre, a country or a theme.

Talking about characters can make it easier to talk about real feelings. Saying “I understood why she was scared” is sometimes a gentle first step to saying “I’ve felt scared like that.”

Many people rewatch a favorite show when they feel stressed, sad or lonely. Research suggests favorite shows can give a feeling of belonging. In a set of studies, people said they turned to favorite shows when lonely and felt less lonely while watching them.

In the same research, thinking about a favorite show helped buffer people’s mood and self-esteem after thinking about a conflict with someone close. The researchers called this “social surrogacy”: familiar characters can stand in for company for a while. The findings were early and mostly from college students.

“Cinema therapy” is the idea of using movies to help understand feelings, often by watching a film and reflecting on how a character copes. Some therapists use films as a talking point in sessions.

There is little strong research showing that watching movies by itself treats mental health conditions. Films can help you feel less alone, name a feeling or start a conversation. That is valuable. But they are not a replacement for support from a qualified professional.

Playing games with friends, joining a team in an online game, or going to a local game night can build real friendships. Working together toward a goal is a strong way to bond.

Ways to connect

• Board game cafés and library game nights
• School or college gaming clubs
• Friendly online groups with clear rules against harassment
• Playing a game with a younger or older family member

Book clubs meet to talk about a book everyone has read. Libraries and bookshops often host free ones, and there are online and audiobook-friendly groups too.

Like film clubs, talking about characters can open up deeper conversations about life. Book clubs are also a gentle way to meet people if you prefer quieter settings.

Knitting circles, art classes, community choirs, cooking classes and maker spaces let you learn a skill while getting to know people. Learning new skills is another of the NHS’s five steps to mental wellbeing.

Places to look

• Libraries and community centers (notice boards and event calendars)
• Schools, colleges and senior centers
• Places of worship, many of which have music or social groups
• Local cinemas, music venues, sports bars and game shops
• Parks and recreation programs

Community spaces like neighborhoods, schools, places of worship, workplaces and parks are where trust and relationships are built.

Festivals, concerts, film screenings, races and youth sports leagues often need volunteers. Volunteering gives you a job to do, which makes meeting people much less awkward.

Giving to others, including volunteering at a local school, hospital or community group, is linked to better mental wellbeing.

Online fan groups can be a lifeline, especially if you live far from others who share your interest. Most people online are kind. But it is smart to protect yourself.

Safety tips

• Don’t share your address, school, passwords or private photos
• Choose groups with clear rules and active moderators
• Be careful with anyone who asks for money, gifts or secrecy
• Meeting in person? Pick a public place, tell someone where you’ll be, and bring a friend if you can
• Under 18? Talk to a trusted adult before meeting anyone from online
• Block and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable

Gentle ways to start

• Go with a friend the first time
• Arrive early, when it is quieter
• Offer to help set up: it gives you something to do
• Set a tiny goal: say hi to one person
• Start online, then meet in person when you feel ready

Rivalries can be fun. But strong group loyalty can also lead to “us vs them” thinking. Research describes how fans often judge rival fans more harshly than their own, a pattern called in-group bias.

Signs rivalry has gone too far

• Insulting or threatening rival fans, in person or online
• Losing friendships over a team or artist
• Feeling hatred, not just disappointment
• Any kind of violence or vandalism

Some fan spaces fill with pile-ons, harassment of players or artists, or attacks on fans who disagree. Spending time in these spaces can leave you angry, anxious or drained.

Protect your peace

• Mute words, accounts or threads that upset you
• Leave groups that feel mean
• Don’t join pile-ons, even against people you dislike
• Never send abuse to athletes, artists or their families
• Take breaks, especially after a loss or controversy

It is normal to feel attached to an artist, athlete or character. These one-sided bonds are called parasocial relationships. They can be comforting and even inspiring.

They become a problem if they replace real relationships, if you feel you “own” the person, or if their choices upset you as if they had betrayed you personally.

Fandom can be expensive: concert tickets, jerseys, collectibles and trips. Spending on what you love is fine when it fits your budget. It becomes a problem when it causes debt, stress, secrecy or arguments.

Money-smart fandom

• Set a monthly fan budget and stick to it
• Wait 24 hours before big purchases
• Buy tickets only from official sellers to avoid scams
• Look for free ways to connect: watch parties, listening parties, fan meetups

Sports betting apps make it easy to bet on every game, even every play. For some people, betting starts as “just for fun” and turns into chasing losses, hiding bets or borrowing money.

Warning signs

• You can’t enjoy a game unless you have money on it
• Betting more to win back what you lost
• Hiding betting from family or friends
• Feeling anxious, irritable or low about betting
• Money problems because of betting

Free, confidential help exists for anyone affected by problem gambling, including family members.

Sometimes a passion was shared with someone who has died: a parent you watched games with, a friend you went to concerts with. Coming back to it can hurt at first, and it can also be a way to feel close to them.

Ideas

• Wear their team’s jersey on game day
• Play “their” album on a special date
• Invite others who knew them to watch together
• Go slowly. It is okay to take a break from things that hurt too much right now.

Moving to a new city, country or school can be lonely. Looking for a local supporters’ club, fan meetup, choir or film night can help you find familiar ground in an unfamiliar place.

Sometimes things you used to love stop feeling good. Losing interest in things you enjoyed, for weeks at a time, can be a sign of depression or burnout. It is worth paying attention to.

Try small doses: one song, ten minutes of a game, one episode with a friend. You don’t have to feel excited first. Sometimes the feeling comes after you start.

Retirement, losing a partner or health changes can shrink social circles. Senior centers, community choirs, walking football, film afternoons and book clubs are great ways to meet others.

In a large study of adults aged 65 and older, those with hobbies reported more happiness and life satisfaction and fewer symptoms of depression. Group hobbies may help by keeping people connected.

Try saying

• “What did you love doing when you were younger?”
• “I saw there’s a watch party Saturday. Want to come with me?”
• “Tell me about this band. Why do you love them?”
• “I miss doing things with you. Could we start a movie night?”

Try not to

• Make fun of their fandom as “silly” or “childish”
• Say “You just need to get out more”
• Sign them up for things without asking
• Compare them to more social siblings or friends
• Dismiss online friends as “not real”

For many people, especially teens, a fandom is part of who they are. Respecting it builds trust.

Ideas

• Offer a ride to a club, game or meetup
• Go with them the first time
• Help them look up local groups together
• Share the cost of a ticket as a gift
• Help an older relative join an online fan group or video watch-along

If someone suddenly drops a passion they loved, pulls away from friends, or seems hopeless, check in gently. These changes can be signs they are struggling.

Also notice the other direction: if a fandom or betting habit is taking over their sleep, money or relationships, share your concern kindly and without shame.

Helping a lonely loved one can be tiring, especially if they say no many times. That’s normal. Keep your own passions and friendships going. You’ll have more to give if you’re filled up too.