When your child is struggling

• Choose a few important rules, not dozens
• Explain them simply and stick to them
• Let small things go for now
• Talk with their therapist about what’s realistic

On hard days, getting out of bed or going to school can take real effort. Naming that effort (“I saw how hard that was, and you did it”) builds confidence and connection.

Children feel safer when the adults around them respond the same way. Agree on the main rules with your partner, co-parent and any grandparents who help.

• Keep a little time for just the two of you
• Make big decisions together, away from your child
• Take turns being “on duty” so each of you can rest

It’s normal to disagree about how to handle things. Talk one topic at a time, when you’re both calm, and say exactly what you hope for. Ask your child’s therapist to help you agree on a plan.

If you are separated or divorced, see the “Healthy co-parenting” and “High-conflict & parallel parenting” guides for working together across two homes.

If you’re a single parent, ask a trusted relative, friend or neighbour to be your back-up. A family support group can also become part of your team. See the “Single parenting” guide.

Siblings may feel scared, embarrassed, ignored or even blamed. Help them understand what their brother or sister is going through, and spend time with each child. NAMI notes they may resent being pushed aside if all attention goes to one child.

See the “When a brother or sister is struggling” guide for siblings’ hidden needs.

Some relatives may deny anything is wrong or demand harsh discipline for things your child can’t control. NAMI reminds parents that it is their responsibility to protect their child, even from people they care about.

You could say

• “If you can’t be supportive, we’ll keep visits short for now.”
• “Please don’t comment on her eating. It really sets her back.”
• “We’re following our doctor’s advice. I need you to back us up.”

A grandparent might take the other kids for an afternoon. An aunt might send a weekly text to your teen. Specific asks turn good intentions into real help.

NAMI suggests asking your adult child to give their providers permission to speak with you. Then you can learn what to expect from the plan and how to contact the team if you notice worrying changes.

Tips

• Ask when they’re well, not in the middle of a crisis
• Even without permission, you can usually still share your concerns with their providers
• Explain why: “So I can help, not so I can check up on you”
• Respect their choices, even when they’re not the ones you’d make

NAMI suggests asking your loved one about a psychiatric advance directive: a legal document they write while well, saying what care they would want if they later become too unwell to decide.

See “A family crisis plan” in the “When someone in your family is struggling” guide.

It’s easy for every conversation to become about symptoms and appointments. NAMI encourages families to say their support out loud with simple words like “It isn’t your fault” and “I’m not giving up on you,” and to keep enjoying normal time together.

Try

• A regular meal, walk or call that isn’t about the illness
• Asking about their interests, friends and hopes
• Noticing and naming their efforts and strengths

• Chores, meals and quiet hours
• No violence, threats or illegal drugs at home
• What happens with money, rent or contributions
• What you’ll do if things get worse (your crisis plan)

If you are worried about self-harm or suicide, talk with your child’s therapist about making the home safer, without “searching” in ways that break trust. See the “Supporting someone who self-harms” and “Helping someone who may be suicidal” guides.

NAMI warns against leaving all the caretaking to one person. Even on hard days, your child can have a role that fits what they can do, like feeding the pet or choosing Friday’s film.

• Am I saying yes out of love, or out of fear and guilt?
• Can I afford this without harming my own future?
• Does this support their recovery, or make it easier to avoid it?

• “I’ll pay your phone bill directly, but I won’t give cash.”
• “I’m happy to help with therapy costs.”
• “If there’s violence at home, I will call for help.”

NAMI advises setting limits you can keep and talking them through ahead of time.

For help with insurance, benefits and care costs, see the “Paying for care & your rights”, “Money in families & relationships” and “Debt & financial hardship” guides.

NAMI Basics is a free education program for parents and caregivers of young people aged 22 and under who are experiencing mental health symptoms. It is taught by trained parents with similar experience, in person or online, and there is a self-paced OnDemand version available 24/7.

The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance runs free weekly 90-minute online groups for parents and caregivers, split by the age of their child, plus a group for families with a recent diagnosis.

NAMI Family Support Groups and the free, 8-session NAMI Family-to-Family class welcome parents of adult children. Both are led by family members with lived experience.

Exhaustion, snapping at people, or feeling numb are signs you need more support. See the “Parent burnout” and “Caregiver stress & burnout” guides.