Bullying when you’re autistic: staying safe and getting support

Examples

• Being called names or slurs
• Jokes or remarks about autism or disability
• Being humiliated in front of others
• Hitting, pushing, or taking or breaking your things
• Threats

Examples

• Being left out of groups, games or team events on purpose
• Rumours or lies spread about you
• Constant criticism or being watched more than others
• People going quiet or laughing when you arrive

Hidden bullying can be hard to prove, but it is still bullying, and it still hurts.

Examples

• Copying or mocking stims, speech or the way you move
• Making loud noises or touching you on purpose to cause overload
• Tricking you because you take words literally
• Daring you to do something to get you in trouble
• Moving your things to upset your routine

Cyberbullying is common. It can include nasty messages, sharing photos or screenshots to mock you, being kicked out of group chats, or abuse during online games.

Having friends who are respected by others can help prevent and protect against bullying. Peer support is one of the strongest protections.

Bullying can damage self-esteem and lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. Thoughts like “It’s because I’m weird” are the bullying talking, not the truth.

Things to remember

• Nobody deserves to be bullied
• Being different is not a reason to be treated badly
• The person bullying chose to do it
• You are not alone. Many autistic people have been through this

Many autistic adults say they masked partly to avoid bullying and rejection, and found it exhausting. Fixing bullying is the job of schools, workplaces and the people doing it.

The National Autistic Society puts it simply: friends should be kind and offer to help each other when needed.

A real friend usually

• Doesn’t laugh at you in front of others
• Doesn’t make you pay for everything
• Is happy for you to have other friends
• Is kind to you when nobody else is watching
• Respects your “no”

Be careful if someone

• Only gets in touch when they want money, food, a ride or a place to stay
• Borrows things or money and never pays back
• Gets you to do things that could get you in trouble
• Films you to laugh at you or shares private things
• Says “we’re friends, so you have to”
• Brings other people to your home without asking

Try

• “No, I can’t lend money.”
• “I don’t want to do that.”
• “You can’t stay at my place.”
• “I need to check with someone first.”

A real friend will accept your answer. If someone gets angry or threatens you when you say no, that is a sign to get help.

Never send money, passwords, or private photos to someone because they say they are your friend or partner. If someone asks for these, talk to a trusted person first. See “Online safety & exploitation” for more.

Ideas

• A parent, carer or family member
• A teacher, school counselor or principal
• A manager, HR or a union rep at work
• A support worker, doctor or therapist
• A friend who can come with you to report it

You can write a note, send a text or email, draw what happened, or show a diary. Use whatever way of communicating works best for you.

Try

• “Someone is being mean to me and I need help.”
• “This has happened [number] times. Here’s what they did.”
• “I feel scared/sad/stressed when I go to [place].”
• “I would like [this] to happen.”

If the first person doesn’t help, tell someone else. At school you can go to the principal, then the superintendent or state department of education. At work you can go to HR or outside agencies.

Ideas

• Move toward an adult, staff member or a group
• Go to a safe place you’ve agreed on, like an office or library
• Stay near friends between classes or on breaks
• Use a different route if one place is a problem

Try

• “Stop.”
• “Leave me alone.”
• “That’s not OK.”
• Saying nothing and walking away

Bullying can push your stress up fast. Headphones, a quiet room, or a “break card” agreed with your school or work can help you leave before overload hits.

If there has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm, call 911.

It can help to say: “I am autistic and find it hard to talk right now.”

Report to police if it involves

• Threats of violence
• Sexual images of anyone under 18, or sexually explicit messages or photos
• Photos or videos taken where you expected privacy
• Stalking or hate crimes

Online bullying is often linked to bullying at school. Many states require schools to deal with cyberbullying in their anti-bullying policy, and some cover off-campus behaviour.

Ideas

• Play with friends or in private lobbies
• Turn off voice chat with strangers
• Leave group chats that make you feel bad
• Take a break from the game for a while

Students with disabilities often have an IEP or a Section 504 plan. These plans can be used to shape how the school prevents and responds to bullying, and can add services a student needs.

Things to ask for

• A named adult the student can go to
• A safe place to go at breaks or when overwhelmed
• More supervision in hot spots like hallways or the bus
• Buddy systems or structured activities at lunch
• A meeting to review the plan after bullying

Anyone can file a complaint, including a parent or someone acting for the student. Complaints should usually be filed within 180 days of the last incident.

You don’t have to use the school’s own complaint process first. If you do, you can still file with OCR within 60 days after the school process ends. Schools may not retaliate against anyone who complains.

If a child is bullied at school, contact the teacher, school counselor and principal. If that doesn’t work, go to the superintendent and state department of education. If the school is not dealing with disability harassment, you can contact the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights or the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division.

Harassment based on disability is against U.S. federal law when it is severe or frequent enough to create a hostile work environment, or when putting up with it becomes a condition of keeping your job. Offensive jokes, slurs, name-calling, threats and ridicule are examples.

It is also illegal to punish someone for complaining. Charges with the EEOC generally need to be filed within 180 days, which some state laws extend.

Write down

• Date, time and place
• What was said or done, word for word if you can
• Who was there
• How it affected you or your work
• Who you told and what they did

See “Workplace bullying & harassment” for step-by-step help with speaking up, legal basics and recovery. See “Autism in adults” for workplace adjustments and your rights.

If you are harassed where you live, by a service, or in public, keep records and tell someone you trust. If you feel unsafe or a crime has happened, contact the police.

Possible signs

• Damaged, dirty or missing belongings
• Unexplained bruises or scratches
• Not wanting to go to school, or changing their route
• More stimming or repetitive behaviour than usual
• Sleep problems, more anxiety or outbursts at home
• Schoolwork slipping
• Asking for extra money

Ideas

• Use writing, drawing, a diary or text if talking is hard
• Tell them you believe them, it’s not their fault, and they’re not alone
• Ask what they want to happen
• Make a plan together

1. Keep a record of what happened, who was involved and what the school did
2. Ask for the school’s anti-bullying policy
3. Meet with the teacher and ask for practical steps
4. Send an email afterwards summarising what was agreed
5. Ask for an IEP or 504 review if your child has one

Help rebuild your child’s confidence by focusing on their strengths. Counselling or groups with other autistic young people may help.