Men & suicide: signs, talking & getting help

NIMH notes that men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year.

The APA’s guidelines for working with men describe how men who learn to bury feelings are less likely to seek help for distress. The CDC lists stigma about help-seeking as a risk factor for suicide.

NIMH lists anger, irritability, misusing alcohol or drugs and risky behaviour among signs men may notice when they’re struggling. These often get labelled as “bad attitude” rather than pain.

In 2024, about 6 in 10 suicide deaths among men involved a firearm.

Harvard’s Means Matter project explains that whether a person survives depends not only on intent but also on the method. Access to firearms is a risk factor for suicide.

A review in NIAAA’s research journal found that alcohol use disorder is a strong risk factor for suicide, and that heavy drinking in the moment raises risk, the more so the more someone drinks.

The CDC lists social isolation as a risk factor, and feeling connected to others as a protective factor.

In the CDC study, relationship problems were the most common situation among people who died without a known mental health condition, and intimate partner problems alone affected 30%.

Job and money problems are a known risk factor. For a man who sees himself as the provider, losing work can feel like losing who he is.

The CDC lists criminal and legal problems as a risk factor. Shame and fear of what comes next can feel crushing.

Serious illness and chronic pain are on the CDC’s list of risk factors. Losing strength or independence can be especially painful for men who prided themselves on it.

Men aged 75 and older had the highest suicide rate of any group of men in 2024.

Retirement, losing a partner, health problems and loneliness can pile up quietly. A regular call or visit can matter more than you think.

The CDC lists a family member or loved one’s history of suicide, and suicide clusters in the community, as risk factors.

• “Everyone would be better off without me.”
• “I can’t see a way out.”
• “I’m done.”
• “It won’t matter soon.”
• Jokes about dying that feel a bit too real

Men often say it sideways, as a joke or a throwaway comment. Don’t laugh it off. Ask.

• Drinking or using drugs more
• Giving away tools, guns, pets or prized things
• Making a will or sorting affairs suddenly
• Researching ways to die
• Reckless driving or picking fights
• Pulling away from friends and family
• Saying goodbye in unusual ways

NIMH lists feeling empty, hopeless or trapped, extreme sadness, anxiety or agitation, being full of rage, and extreme mood swings as warning signs.

In men, anger and agitation can be the most visible sign. Big changes in sleep or eating are also signs to notice.

In 2024, men aged 75 and older had the highest suicide rate, followed by men aged 45 to 64. Adults aged 35 to 64 account for almost half of all U.S. suicides.

In 2021, men in construction and extraction jobs had the highest suicide rate of any job group, about twice the rate for all working men. Mining, construction and farming were among the industries with the highest rates.

The CDC reports that the most rural areas have the highest suicide rates.

The CDC notes the suicide rate among veterans was about twice as high as among non-veteran U.S. adults.

Among middle-aged men, the CDC reports suicide rates were highest for American Indian or Alaska Native men and White men. The CDC also lists a strong sense of cultural identity as a protective factor.

In 2023, the suicide death rate for Black males aged 15 to 19 was 15.6 per 100,000, higher than the rate for all males that age (14.3).

Black adults are less likely to receive mental health treatment. Finding care that understands racism and culture can make a real difference.

The CDC reports that 1 in 5 high school students who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual attempted suicide in the past year.

Research on minority stress shows that prejudice and having to hide who you are harm mental health. Being LGBTQ+ is not the cause. Stigma is.

Driving, fishing, working on a car or walking the dog can take the pressure off eye contact. Choose a private moment, not in front of others.

• “You haven’t seemed yourself. I’m worried about you.”
• “Sometimes when guys are going through this much, they think about ending it. Are you?”
• “I’m not going anywhere. Let’s figure out the next step together.”
• “Thanks for telling me. That took guts.”

• Don’t act shocked or tell him he’s being dramatic
• Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong
• Don’t promise to keep it secret if his life is at risk
• Don’t dare him or make jokes about it

You don’t have to explain everything. “I’m not doing well and I’m having dark thoughts” is enough to start.

Asking for help is not handing over control. It’s calling in backup, the same way you would for any other job too big for one person.

You don’t have to be suicidal to call. 988 helps with emotional distress, drinking or drug problems, loneliness and more. You can call, text or chat.

SAMHSA says only a small percentage of 988 calls need emergency services, usually when a life is in immediate danger. Most calls are handled by talking it through.

A safety plan lists your warning signs, things that help you cope, people to contact, crisis lines and ways to make your space safer. In a large study of people seen in VA emergency departments, a safety plan plus follow-up calls cut the odds of suicidal behaviour by about half.

• Don’t drink or use drugs tonight
• Get away from firearms or anything you could use to hurt yourself
• Go where other people are
• Call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741
• Remind yourself: this feeling will pass, even if it doesn’t feel like it

Harvard’s Means Matter recommends storing firearms away from home until the person recovers: with a trusted friend or family member, in a storage unit, or with a gun shop or range that rents lockers. Check your state’s laws on transfers.

Means Matter suggests locking unloaded firearms in a gun safe or lockbox, keeping ammunition locked separately or out of the home, and keeping keys and codes away from the person at risk.

Locks aren’t a guarantee, because family members often know each other’s hiding places.

Means Matter recommends keeping only small amounts of alcohol at home during a crisis, because drinking can lead to unwise choices.

• “Can I hold onto your guns for a while, just until things settle?”
• “You’d do the same for me.”
• “This isn’t forever. It’s just for now.”

You don’t have to be an expert. Regular check-ins, especially after a breakup, job loss or loss, let a man know someone notices.

Training like QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) teaches ordinary people to recognise warning signs and connect someone to help.

The CDC lists cultural, religious or moral beliefs that discourage suicide, and a strong sense of cultural identity, among protective factors. Faith communities, sports clubs and Men’s Sheds can all be places where someone notices.

The CDC names reasons for living, like family, friends and pets, as a protective factor. Reminding a man of what and who he matters to can help him hold on.