Men, alcohol & coping

In the same study, believing your friends approve of heavy drinking was linked to more drinking and more harm. What we think others expect has a big pull.

Often, other guys are quietly feeling the same pressure. When one person orders a soft drink or slows down, it can give others permission to do the same.

In trades, sales, hospitality, the military and other fields, drinking can be a big part of team life. Saying no can feel like stepping outside the group.

Watching sport with friends is a great way to connect. It can also mean long sessions of drinking, sometimes mixed with betting.

Alcohol can bring short-term relief from stress. But the more you rely on it, the less your body learns to settle on its own, and the stress is still there in the morning.

In a large U.S. study, men reported more substance use, anger attacks and risk-taking than women. When these signs were counted, men were just as likely as women to meet the bar for depression.

NIAAA notes alcohol use disorder often occurs alongside depression and anxiety. Each can make the other worse.

The VA notes some people use alcohol to lower the tension they feel after trauma, and calls this a risky way to cope.

Alcohol lowers inhibition, so words and actions you’d normally hold back come out more easily.

After a breakup, a move, retirement or losing touch with friends, evenings can feel long and empty. A drink can fill the gap, but it can also make it harder to reach out.

Numbing can feel like the only relief from memories that won’t stop. But alcohol can make trauma symptoms like poor sleep and being on edge worse over time.

NIAAA explains that alcohol may help you fall asleep faster, but drinking near bedtime disrupts the second half of the night.

Poor sleep then makes stress, anger and low mood harder to handle the next day, which can lead to another drink the next night.

The NHS lists drinking too much alcohol, along with stress and tiredness, as common causes of occasional erection problems. Depression and anxiety can also play a part.

Trouble in the bedroom can then feed worry and shame, which can lead to more drinking. Talking to a clinical provider can help break the loop.

Worldwide, about 2 million of the 2.6 million deaths linked to alcohol in 2019 were men. These include injuries, crashes, violence and long-term illness.

Drinking makes risky choices, like driving, fighting or swimming, more dangerous.

WHO links alcohol to more than 200 health conditions, including several cancers, liver disease and heart disease.

NIAAA suggests keeping track using a phone note, calendar or card. Noting each drink before you have it can help you slow down.

NIAAA recommends setting clear goals, including some days with no alcohol at all.

NIAAA suggests having a polite, firm refusal ready so you can say no quickly.

Things men say

• “I’m driving tonight.”
• “I’m training for something.”
• “I’m good, thanks. I’ll grab a soda.”
• “Early start tomorrow.”
• “I’m taking a break from it.”

NIAAA suggests finding healthy activities, hobbies and friendships, and other ways to handle mood and stress.

Ideas

• A gym session or run after work
• Cooking a proper meal
• Fishing, hiking or a long drive
• Gaming or watching sport with friends, without the drinks
• Working on a project in the garage or shed

NIAAA suggests reminding yourself of your reasons for changing, talking with someone you trust, distracting yourself or riding out the urge until it passes.

Research on “minority stress” shows that prejudice, hiding who you are and expecting rejection add up and can harm mental health.

The NHS notes that mental health problems are more common among LGBTQ+ people, and that using alcohol or drugs to cope with your feelings is a sign you could benefit from support.

In 2024, 14.7% of Black adults received mental health treatment, compared with 22.9% of all U.S. adults. That gap can leave men coping alone, sometimes with a drink.

It’s okay to ask a provider about their experience working with men from your background. You deserve someone you feel comfortable with.

Drinking to get drunk, peer pressure and believing everyone else drinks a lot are all linked to more harm among college men.

You don’t have to drink to belong. Plenty of young men choose not to, and good friends will respect that.

When work ends, kids leave or a partner dies, days can lose their shape. Drinking can creep up without anyone noticing.

NIAAA notes that older people reach higher blood alcohol levels than younger people after the same amount, and are more affected in balance, coordination and driving. That raises the risk of falls and crashes. Check with a clinical provider about what’s safe for you.

Calling someone an “alcoholic” or shaming him often leads to defensiveness. Focus on specific things you’ve seen and how they affect you.

NIAAA notes that strong family support through family therapy increases the chances of staying sober, and that support from friends and family is important in overcoming alcohol problems.

Al-Anon offers free support groups for family and friends of people who drink. NIAAA’s Treatment Navigator also has resources for loved ones.

NIAAA lists groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, LifeRing and SMART Recovery. Some also meet online.

It’s okay to try a few groups before you find one that fits.

Tell a friend you trust what you’re trying to do. Suggest plans that don’t center on drinking, like a game, the gym, a hike or breakfast instead of the bar.

Running clubs, team sports, Men’s Sheds, volunteering and faith groups offer connection without alcohol at the center.