Boys & young men: growing up today

Online spaces can be where boys laugh, learn and find their people. They can also bring pressure, comparison and harsh messages about how boys should look and act.

Men make up about 42% of U.S. undergraduate students, and women about 58%.

There are many good paths besides college, like trades, apprenticeships and the military. The worry is when boys feel like failures or drift without a plan or support.

Gallup found that 25% of U.S. men aged 15–34 felt lonely for much of the previous day. That is higher than young women (18%) and higher than young men in most other wealthy countries.

Boys hear many different ideas about what it means to be a man, from family, friends, sport, school and online. Some are helpful, some aren’t, and some clash. That can leave boys confused about who they are allowed to be.

Feelings that never get talked about can come out as anger, numbness, or trouble sleeping and focusing. Crying is a normal human response, not a weakness.

Boys who are taught to deal with everything alone may wait a long time before getting help. Strong people use their team: friends, family, coaches, counselors.

When anger is the only feeling a boy is allowed to show, sadness and worry often come out as anger. Helping boys name what’s underneath can help them feel more in control.

Many traits linked with masculinity, like courage, leadership and caring for others, are linked with good health and wellbeing. The aim isn’t to stop boys being boys. It’s to give them more options, not fewer.

In the U.S., about 13% of boys aged 3–17 have been diagnosed with ADHD, compared with about 7% of girls.

Struggles with focus, sitting still or reading can be mistaken for “bad behaviour” or laziness. Getting the right support at school can change how a boy sees himself.

When boys only hear about what they’re doing wrong, they may stop trying so they can’t “fail”. Noticing effort, progress and strengths outside school helps them keep going.

There is more than one route to a good life. Hands-on learning, trades and apprenticeships suit many young people. What matters is having a direction and people cheering him on.

A CDC survey found that teens who felt close to people at school had lower rates of sadness and suicide risk.

One teacher, coach or club where a boy feels he belongs can make a real difference.

Sport, gaming, building, music and jokes are often how boys connect. Those shared activities can become a doorway to deeper talks over time.

Big changes often break up friend groups, especially after high school. Young men may not know how to make new friends as adults, and loneliness can creep in.

For many boys, especially those who feel different where they live, online friends are an important lifeline. The goal is balance: some people who can also show up in person.

In the 2025 survey, 70% of boys had seen bullying or harassment online, and more than half had come across racist, homophobic or misogynistic language.

In a CDC survey of high school students, LGBQ+ students were about twice as likely as heterosexual students to report persistent sadness (66% vs 31%).

The Trevor Project found LGBTQ+ young people in very accepting communities attempted suicide far less often (8%) than those in very unaccepting communities (20%).

Transgender young men had some of the highest rates of suicidal thoughts in the Trevor Project survey. Trans and nonbinary young people whose household all respected their pronouns attempted suicide less often (11% vs 20%).

Black, Latino, Asian, Native and multiracial boys can face stereotypes about being “dangerous”, “older than they are” or “not academic”. Being treated unfairly is stressful, and it can make it harder to trust adults or ask for help.

Pride in culture and family, mentors who share their background, and adults who stand up for them all help.

Boys who don’t fit the “sporty, tough” picture are often teased. They deserve spaces where their interests and ways of being are valued, like art, music, coding, drama, gaming or nature groups.

Being much smaller, bigger or less developed than friends can bring teasing and self-consciousness. It helps to know that bodies change on their own timelines.

Exercise is good for mood and confidence. Worry starts when a boy feels he must always be bigger or leaner, skips meals, trains through injury or feels ashamed of his body.

Many boys learn about sex from friends or the internet, which can give a very unrealistic picture. Calm, honest talks about respect, consent and healthy relationships help.

Boys learn a lot about being a man by watching the men around them: how they handle stress, treat others and talk about feelings.

A coach who checks in after a bad game, or a teacher who sees potential, can be the person a boy trusts when things go wrong.

Mentoring works best when it is regular and long-lasting. Short or unreliable mentoring can actually leave young people worse off, so commitment matters.

Jobs, sport, music, faith, volunteering, caring for family or building a skill can all give a young man a sense that he matters and is needed.