Midlife for men: change, health & meaning

A Cornell study found that about a quarter of adults over 35 said they’d had a midlife crisis. But more than half of those were really describing stressful life events, like a serious illness or job worries, rather than turmoil about getting older.

The researcher concluded that the midlife crisis is not an inevitable, near-universal experience. Women were about as likely as men to say they’d had one.

The NHS notes that some men feel anxious about what they’ve achieved when they think they’ve reached life’s halfway point, and that this can lead to low mood.

Taking stock can be painful, but it can also be useful. In the Cornell study, some people saw their midlife turning point as a way to build more meaning into their lives.

Common midlife pressures

• Ageing or ill parents
• Changes in your body, energy or health
• Friendships that have faded
• Kids becoming teens or leaving home
• Money worries and saving for later
• Relationship strain or separation
• Work plateaus, layoffs or burnout

The NHS lists work or relationship problems, money worries and worry about ageing parents among the stresses behind many midlife symptoms in men.

The NHS lists trouble sleeping and feeling more tired among common midlife symptoms, and lack of sleep as one of the lifestyle causes.

Snoring, waking often or never feeling rested are worth raising with a provider. Better sleep often lifts mood and patience too.

Muscle loss and fat moving to the belly are common midlife changes, the NHS notes.

Lower sex drive and erection problems can show up in midlife. Stress, depression and relationship strain often play a big part.

In a 2023 survey, 44% of U.S. men said they don’t get a yearly physical, and 65% said they were hesitant to seek help for stress, anxiety or depression.

A yearly visit is a good time to check blood pressure and other numbers, and to mention mood, sleep, drinking and sex. The NHS says a doctor will usually ask about work and life stress too.

The CDC recommends 150 minutes of moderate activity a week, like 30 minutes on 5 days, plus muscle-strengthening on at least 2 days.

The NHS says exercise and relaxation can help with midlife symptoms in men.

The CDC advises men to lower stress and find healthy ways to cope, and lists heavy drinking and smoking among things that raise heart disease risk.

Cleveland Clinic says most men with symptoms of low testosterone don’t have a problem with the glands that make it. More often, carrying extra weight or diabetes is involved. Sleep apnea, heavy drinking and long-term illnesses like kidney or liver disease can also lower it, and even a short illness can lower it for a while.

Sleep matters a lot. In a small University of Chicago study, healthy young men who slept 5 hours a night for a week had testosterone levels 10% to 15% lower, and their mood and energy dropped day by day.

Low testosterone can bring low mood, trouble concentrating, less stamina, low sex drive and erection problems.

But the NHS says stress, depression, anxiety, poor sleep, drinking, and work, money or relationship worries are often behind these same symptoms. That’s why guessing is risky: what feels like “low T” is often something else.

A large U.S. study found that TV ads about testosterone were linked to more men getting tested and starting treatment, including some who hadn’t had a recent test first.

Be wary of anything that

• Claims to “boost your T” with a product
• Offers a diagnosis from a quiz or a single reading
• Promises it will fix your mood, drive or body
• Skips a proper check of your overall health

Testosterone is highest in the morning, so testing usually needs two separate morning blood samples. Being ill can lower the result for a while.

The Endocrine Society’s guideline says low testosterone should only be diagnosed when a man has symptoms that fit and his levels are clearly and consistently low. A provider will also look for other causes.

Cleveland Clinic lists keeping a healthy weight, eating nutritious food, staying active, getting about seven hours of sleep, treating sleep apnea and avoiding heavy drinking as habits that may help keep testosterone levels normal.

These same habits are good for your heart and mood, so they help whatever is going on.

The CDC lists job or money problems, loss of relationships, serious illness and social isolation among risk factors for suicide. In midlife, several can arrive close together.

Feeling like you’ve lost your role, as a worker, husband or provider, can be especially hard for men raised to define themselves by what they do.

Heavy drinking is one of the lifestyle factors the NHS links to midlife symptoms in men. Many men turn to alcohol, work or screens to get through hard patches, which can numb things for a while but makes them heavier later.

The CDC lists connection to others, access to care, and coping and problem-solving skills among things that protect against suicide.

Caregiving can affect your own health and money. About 1 in 5 caregivers report fair or poor health, and nearly half have faced at least one major financial impact.

Men may not call themselves “caregivers”, even when they’re driving to appointments, fixing the house and handling the bills. Naming it can help you ask for support.

Teens pulling away, and kids leaving home, can bring pride and grief at the same time. Many dads find they miss being needed in the old way.

Losing a parent can bring up your own sense of time, unfinished business, and what kind of man you want to be. Many men grieve by staying busy, which can delay the hard feelings rather than ease them.

Reaching a plateau can feel like failure. It can also be a chance to ask what you actually want from work now: more meaning, more time, more balance, or something new.

In a 2023 survey, 37% of U.S. men named money and finances as their top source of stress. Long hours to keep up can leave little left for health, family or rest.

Some men change careers, go back to school, start a business or step back on purpose in midlife. It can be scary and freeing at the same time.

Midlife is a good time to think about what will give your days shape when work ends: people, interests, a role in your community.

When kids need less, some couples find they’ve become roommates. Small, regular time together, honest talks about what each of you wants next, and couples counselling if you’re stuck can all help.

Work and family can crowd out friendships for years. Reaching out first, and making a plan regular, often matters more than finding the perfect words.

Some gay, bi and trans men came out later in life, lived through years of stigma, or have smaller family networks. Chosen family and LGBTQ+ community groups can be important sources of support.

Many men find meaning in sharing what they know: coaching a youth team, mentoring a younger colleague, teaching a trade or skill. It’s a way of making your experience count for someone else.

The guitar in the closet, the bike in the garage, the language you always meant to learn. Hobbies give your mind somewhere to rest and can connect you with new people.

Helping others, through a faith group, a food bank, a Men’s Shed or a local cause, can give you a role beyond work and family.

Goals can run out. Values, like being a present dad, a loyal friend or a fair boss, can guide you every day. Try picking one value and one small action that fits it this week.

• “You’ve seemed really flat lately. What’s going on?”
• “You’ve got a lot on with your dad and work. How are you holding up?”
• “I’m not trying to fix it. I just want to know how you are.”

A walk, a drive, a game or a project can make talking easier than sitting face to face. Keep inviting him, even if he says no a few times.

Many men put off checkups. Offering to book the appointment, or going together, can help. You could say: “I want you around for a long time. Will you get a checkup?”

NIMH lists talking about being a burden, feeling trapped or having no reason to live among warning signs of suicide.

The 988 Lifeline advises being direct and talking openly about suicide. Ask him plainly whether he’s thinking about it, stay with him, and call or text 988 together.