Living with uncertainty

Researchers use the term “intolerance of uncertainty” for how strongly a person reacts to not knowing. It varies from person to person, and it is most strongly linked to worry.

Researchers suggest it’s more realistic to change how we think about uncertainty and build better ways of coping than to try to remove it.

Think back to other times life was up in the air. Remembering what you managed, however small, can remind you that you have more strength than you feel right now.

A waiting period has an end date, even if you don’t know exactly when. Research on waiting shows that absorbing activities can make this time easier.

Some uncertainty lasts for months or years: an unstable job, a long-term health condition, an immigration case, or a relationship in limbo. Here the focus is on building a good life alongside the unknown, rather than waiting for it to end.

Economic news, conflict, disasters and climate change can bring a constant low hum of worry. Taking breaks from news and social media is one of the CDC’s tips for coping with stress.

Some losses have no clear ending, like a loved one who is missing, or someone changed by dementia. This is sometimes called “ambiguous loss.”

Focus on the short term: what you can do today. Break tasks into smaller steps and start with the easier ones.

Examples

• How I spend the next hour
• Preparing what I can, like documents or questions
• Sleep, food and movement
• Who I reach out to

Some things depend partly on you and partly on others. You can ask questions, make your case or get advice, then let go of the outcome.

Examples

• Asking a doctor or employer for a timeline
• Getting practical advice about money, work or housing
• Talking openly about what worries you

For worries you can’t control, the advice is to notice them, accept that they’re there, and gently bring your attention back to the present.

Phrases that can help

• “This isn’t mine to solve today.”
• “I’ll deal with it if and when it happens.”
• “Right now, in this moment, I’m okay.”

Building a routine, with time set aside for relaxing and enjoyable activities, can help you feel more in control.

Adults need 7 or more hours of sleep a night. Going to bed and waking up at the same times helps.

The CDC suggests working up to 2½ hours of physical activity a week. A daily walk counts.

Deep breathing, stretching, mindfulness or time outdoors can help you stay in the present moment instead of living in the “what ifs.”

A one-minute reset

1. Notice five things you can see.
2. Notice three things you can hear.
3. Feel your feet on the floor.
4. Take three slow breaths, breathing out longer than in.

Each day, try naming three things you’re thankful for, and noticing the parts of life that are still steady.

Set aside 10 or 15 minutes a day to write your worries down and look for solutions. When a worry pops up at other times, note it for later and return to what you’re doing.

Stepping back to examine the evidence for a thought, and exploring other ways of seeing the situation, won’t solve the problem, but it can break a negative spiral.

Questions to ask

• What would I say to a friend in this situation?
• What’s the most likely outcome, not just the worst?
• If the worst happened, how would I cope?

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) teaches stepping back from thoughts and seeing them as passing mental events, not facts you must act on.

Try saying

• “I’m having the thought that this will go badly.”
• “There’s my mind doing its ‘what if’ thing again.”

“Flow” is when you’re so absorbed that time seems to fly. Law graduates and PhD job-seekers who experienced more flow while waiting reported less worry and better mood.

The key is the right level of challenge: too easy leads to boredom, too hard leads to frustration. Activities with clear goals and visible progress work best.

Ideas

• A puzzle or game that matches your skill
• Climbing, swimming or a sport
• Cooking a new recipe
• Building, fixing or making something
• Playing an instrument

In studies with 729 people, watching a short awe-inspiring video (a sunrise with music) eased anxiety and lifted mood while people waited for results.

Ideas

• A nature documentary
• Beautiful music
• Looking at the night sky
• A walk somewhere with a wide view

Meditation can relieve stress during a wait, but it doesn’t suit everyone, and it can be hard when worry is very strong. Try it, and switch to flow or awe if it isn’t working for you.

If there’s something practical you can do for different outcomes, make a short plan. Then when the worry returns, remind yourself you already have a plan.

Try

• Choose one or two set times a day to check news
• Avoid news in the hour before bed
• Turn off breaking-news alerts
• Pick a few trusted sources instead of many

After reading or scrolling, pause and check in with yourself. If you feel worse and know nothing new that you can act on, it may be time for a break.

Looking things up again and again, or asking others for reassurance, is a common sign that worry is in charge. Self-help advice is to cut back on checking gradually, a little at a time.

Values are the standards you personally want to live by. Asking “Which choice fits what matters to me?” can cut through the noise of “What if I’m wrong?”

Try

• Set a time limit for deciding
• Ask: can this be changed or undone later?
• Choose the next step, not the whole path
• Notice the relief of having decided, even with doubt

Trusted people and organizations can help with specific worries about work, housing or money.

You could say

• “I don’t need advice, I just need to talk.”
• “Could you sit with me while I wait for the call?”
• “Can you help me take my mind off it this weekend?”

Things that help

• Offer company or a flow activity to do together
• Check in on the day of the news
• Listen without rushing to reassure

Try to avoid

• “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
• “Just stop thinking about it.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”

When a workplace, town or community faces uncertainty together, groups, faith communities and neighbors can share information, practical help and comfort.

Therapies like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) help people make room for difficult thoughts and feelings and keep moving toward what matters.

• FindTreatment.gov: search for mental health care near you in the U.S.
• Your primary care provider can check how you’re doing and refer you
• Your workplace employee assistance program (EAP), if you have one

Outside the U.S.? Find a free helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.