Retirement & purpose

Without a work schedule, days can blur together. A loose routine helps your body clock, sleep and mood.

• Get up at a similar time each day
• Plan one thing to look forward to each day
• Mix activity, rest and time with people
• Keep regular mealtimes

Feeling useful and needed is good for the mind. Many retirees find purpose through volunteering, mentoring young people, helping at a faith community, joining a club, or learning something new.

Purpose does not have to be big. Tending a garden, writing letters, or being the person who checks on a neighbor all count.

If you were “the nurse”, “the boss” or “the teacher” for decades, retiring can feel like losing part of yourself. That is a normal reaction.

Your skills, values and kindness did not retire. Try listing the qualities that made you good at what you did. They are still yours to use.

Work gave many people a reason to get dressed, a place to be, and people to see. Without it, some days can feel long and shapeless. A major life change such as retirement is one of the things that raises the risk of loneliness and isolation.

Signs the empty days are getting to you

• Staying in your pajamas or not going out for days
• Sleeping much more, or much less
• Feeling restless, bored or irritable
• Drinking more to pass the time
• Feeling that nobody needs you any more

When one or both partners retire, you may suddenly spend far more time together. That can be lovely, and it can also bring friction about space, chores, money and plans.

What can help

• Talk about what each of you hopes retirement will look like
• Keep some separate friends and activities
• Share out household jobs fairly, and revisit it after a few months
• Plan some things to do together, not just side by side

Life review means thinking back over your life, the good, the hard and how you got through, often with a counselor or a group. A 2024 analysis of 42 studies found that life review and reminiscence reduced depression in older adults who had depression, though how long the benefit lasts is less clear.

Questions to start with

• What were the turning points of my life?
• Who shaped me most?
• What was my hardest time, and what got me through?
• What am I proud of?
• What have I learned that I wish I had known at 20?

You have skills and wisdom younger people need: a trade, a craft, a recipe, how to handle money, how to get through loss. Schools, libraries, youth groups and faith communities often welcome older mentors.

Time between generations also helps break down stereotypes about age on both sides.

In a U.S. study of nearly 13,000 adults over 50, people who volunteered at least 100 hours a year (about two hours a week) had a lower risk of dying over the next four years. They also reported more optimism and purpose, and less loneliness and fewer depressive symptoms.

AmeriCorps Seniors (800-942-2677) and the Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116) can point you to opportunities.

A legacy is not only money or belongings. It is your stories, your values and the difference you made to people. Recording stories, writing letters or making a family recipe book can be a gift for the people who come after you.

A simple friendly chat or phone call can make a big difference. Regular contact, like the same call every Sunday, gives you something to look forward to.

Some community groups and faith communities run “friendly caller” or visiting programs where volunteers keep in touch with older people living alone.

Group activities give company beyond one-to-one contact. Coffee mornings, walking groups, book clubs, crafts, choirs, card games and faith groups are all good options.

Shared activities make conversation easier, because there is always something to talk about. Friendships grow naturally from seeing the same faces each week.

Volunteering can bring a sense of being needed, a reason to get out, and contact with people of all ages. Schools, libraries, food banks, hospitals, museums and animal shelters often welcome older volunteers.

Your life experience is valuable. Mentoring, reading with children or sharing a skill can be deeply rewarding for everyone involved.

Bringing different generations together helps reduce stereotypes about age on both sides. WHO names intergenerational activities as one of the ways to tackle ageism.

Ideas: teaching a grandchild a recipe, joining a community garden, or a program where students and older adults swap stories and skills.

Music, gardening, painting, puzzles, reading, fishing, crafts: whatever you enjoy, keep it going. If health makes it harder, look for a gentler version rather than giving it up.

Learning something new, like a language or an instrument, keeps the mind engaged and can lead to classes full of new people.

Video calls let you see expressions, share a meal “together”, or watch a grandchild open a present. Many phones and tablets have a video call button built in.

Tips

• Set a regular time so everyone remembers
• Prop the device up so your hands are free
• Sit facing a window for better light
• Ask a family member to set up favourite contacts

Many libraries and senior centers offer free, patient classes on using phones, tablets and computers. Younger relatives are often happy to help too.

Write down step-by-step instructions as you learn. Repeating something a few times is normal for anyone learning new technology.

Scammers may pretend to be a bank, a government office or even a grandchild in trouble. They often create panic and ask for money, gift cards or passwords.

• Never share passwords or bank details by phone, text or email
• Hang up and call back on a number you know is real
• Talk to someone you trust before sending money
• It is okay to say “I need to think about it”

Arthritis, chronic pain, heart disease, diabetes, surgery and other health conditions can affect intimacy. Some people also feel less comfortable in an ageing body, or worry that a partner no longer finds them attractive.

Many of these problems can be helped. Talk with your clinical provider. They need to hear about it to care for you well, even if it feels awkward.

Talk openly about the changes you are noticing, and try not to blame yourself or your partner. If your partner seems less interested, don’t assume it is about you.

Ways to stay close

• Hold hands, cuddle, kiss, give a massage
• Make time that is just for the two of you
• Explore new ways to be close
• Laugh about the awkward bits together

A therapist, alone or as a couple, can help. Some specialize in sexual concerns.

Some people find love again after losing a partner or divorcing. Dating can feel easier later in life, when you are more confident and sure of what you want.

Guilt, or worry about what family will think, is common. A new relationship does not erase the love you had before.

Older people who are sexually active can get sexually transmitted infections, and the number of older people with HIV is growing. Using condoms or other barriers protects you.

In U.S. nursing homes, residents have the right to privacy, including private visits. Couples may need to ask staff for private time and space, and that is a reasonable request.

Dementia can change sexual behavior and make judgment harder. A doctor, nurse or social worker with dementia training can help families and staff handle this with care. See the “Dementia: changes in behaviour” guide.

• Passing on family stories, traditions and recipes
• Love without the daily pressures of parenting
• Seeing the world through a child’s eyes
• Staying close from far away with calls, cards and video

Time between generations also helps reduce stereotypes about age.

Grandparents raising grandchildren can face health, social, legal and money challenges. The children may have been through hard times too, and may need extra support.

Feelings are often mixed: deep love, but also grief for your adult child, anger, worry about the future, and missing the retirement you planned. All of these are normal.

Full-time caregiving can leave less room to look after your own health and emotional wellbeing.

In one study of custodial grandparents, those with more support from family and friends, and those who used social services, fared better. Managing stress was linked to better wellbeing and life satisfaction.

Places to look

• Grandfamily or kinship carer support groups
• Legal advice about custody or guardianship
• Your local Area Agency on Aging, through the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116)
• School counselors for the children
• Short breaks (respite) from friends, family or local programs

Many grandparents help with childcare. It can be a joy, but it can also be tiring, especially with health changes. You are allowed to say what you can and can’t do.

• Agree on days and hours ahead of time
• Say when you need a rest day
• Talk about house rules together, so you aren’t caught in the middle
• Keep some time for your own friends and interests

Some grandparents are kept apart from grandchildren by distance, divorce, estrangement or family conflict. That is a painful loss, and it deserves care.

What can help

• Write letters or a journal for them, even if you keep it for now
• Stay kind and leave the door open
• Talk with a counselor or a support group
• Put love into other young people in your life