Workplace bullying & harassment

Most definitions describe bullying as repeated. One sharp comment on a stressful day is not usually bullying. A steady pattern of being put down, shut out or undermined is.

In a large U.S. survey, about two in three people who bullied others at work were bosses. Power makes it harder for the person targeted to push back or report it.

Bullying can also come from coworkers or groups. Being ganged up on by several people can feel especially isolating.

The Workplace Bullying Institute defines bullying as “health-harming” mistreatment. Sleep, mood, confidence and physical health can all suffer.

Examples

• Being belittled in meetings or made to feel not good enough
• Being shouted at or sworn at
• Jokes at your expense that keep coming
• Public criticism meant to embarrass

Examples

• Being ignored or left out so you don’t feel able to speak up
• Being left off emails and meetings you need
• Others being told not to talk to you
• Rumors and gossip, or being discredited

Examples

• Behavior meant to disrupt your work
• Impossible deadlines, or changing goals without telling you
• Information or tools you need being withheld
• Someone taking credit for your work

Threats can be open (“You’ll be gone by Friday”) or subtle, like standing too close or slamming things. OSHA counts threats, harassment and intimidation as forms of workplace violence.

In the Workplace Bullying Institute’s 2021 survey, remote workers reported bullying too, and it happened most often in virtual meetings rather than by email.

It can look like

• Being cut off, talked over or muted in video calls
• Group chats you’re left out of, or that mock you
• Hostile or humiliating messages, sometimes copied to others
• Constant monitoring or demands to be online at all hours

In U.S. law, harassment is unwelcome conduct based on race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation and transgender status), national origin, age 40 or older, disability or genetic information.

It is against the law when putting up with it becomes a condition of keeping your job, or when it is severe or frequent enough that a reasonable person would find the workplace intimidating, hostile or abusive.

Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment. It may have nothing to do with a protected characteristic, which means federal harassment law may not cover it.

Even when it isn’t illegal, many employers have codes of conduct that forbid it, so it can still be reported.

Usually fair

• Feedback about specific work, given privately and respectfully
• High standards that apply to everyone
• Reasonable deadlines and clear expectations
• Fair discipline for real problems

Crosses the line

• Personal attacks instead of feedback on work
• Humiliating someone in front of others
• Singling out one person again and again
• Unrealistic or unethical demands

The EEOC says petty slights, annoyances and isolated incidents usually don’t break the law, unless they are extremely serious. They can still hurt, and it’s fine to set a boundary.

Cleveland Clinic describes signs such as a sick feeling about work, trouble sleeping, anxiety that spikes before work, and tight muscles or joints from stress.

Motivation can drop, and in serious cases anxiety and depression can follow. Many people start to doubt their own skills, even when they were confident before.

It might sound like

• “Maybe I’m just too sensitive.”
• “I used to be good at this.”
• “Everyone must think I’m useless.”
• “I can’t stop replaying what they said.”

Bullying can spill into evenings, weekends and relationships. You might feel irritable, withdrawn or unable to switch off, or dread Sunday nights.

Ideas that help

• A short ritual to mark the end of the workday
• Moving your body after work
• Telling your loved ones what’s going on, so they understand
• Time with people who remind you who you are

When managers or HR ignore, minimise or punish someone who speaks up, it can feel like a deep betrayal. Researchers call this institutional betrayal, and it can add to the harm.

Write down

• The date and time
• What was said or done, in plain words
• Who was there or saw it
• How it affected you and your work

Save

• Emails, chats and texts (screenshots with dates)
• Performance reviews and praise you’ve received
• Any notes from meetings about it

The EEOC encourages people to tell the person directly that the behavior is unwelcome and must stop, if they feel able to. Cleveland Clinic also suggests boundaries about what you share and how you respond to disrespect.

Phrases to try

• “Please don’t speak to me like that.”
• “I’m happy to discuss the work. I won’t accept being shouted at.”
• “Can you put that request in writing?”

The EEOC encourages reporting harassment to management early, before it gets worse. Follow your workplace’s complaint process, and ask what will happen next and when.

Before the meeting

1. Read your employee handbook’s policy on bullying and harassment
2. Choose two or three clear examples from your record
3. Say what you want to happen (for example, the behavior to stop, or a change in who you report to)
4. Ask if you can bring a support person or union rep
5. Afterwards, send a short email summarising what was agreed

An EEOC task force found that about 90% of people who experience harassment never take formal action, and about three in four never even talk to a supervisor.

In a global survey, the most common reasons people gave for not telling anyone were that it would be a waste of time, and fear for their reputation.

Federal law covers harassment based on race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, sexual orientation and transgender status), national origin, age 40 or older, disability or genetic information, when it is severe or pervasive or becomes a condition of keeping your job.

An employer is automatically responsible for harassment by a supervisor that leads to a negative job action, like firing or demotion. For coworkers, the employer is responsible if it knew or should have known and didn’t act quickly.

If mistreatment isn’t linked to a protected characteristic, federal anti-harassment law usually doesn’t cover it, and petty slights or one-off incidents usually aren’t illegal. That can feel deeply unfair.

You may still have options

• Your employer’s code of conduct or anti-bullying policy
• A union grievance process, if you have a union
• State or local laws, which can be broader
• Workplace violence rules, if there are threats

It is illegal to punish workers for raising concerns about discrimination or harassment, answering questions in an investigation, or being a witness.

Retaliation can look like

• A lower review than you deserve, or a reprimand
• Being moved to a worse job or shift
• Extra scrutiny, rumors or verbal abuse
• Schedule changes that clash with family duties

In general, a charge must be filed with the EEOC within 180 calendar days. This is extended to 300 days in places with a state or local agency that enforces a similar law. Federal employees have 45 days to contact an EEO counselor.

The EEOC can be reached at 1-800-669-4000 (TTY 1-800-669-6820).

As a coworker, you can

• Check in privately: “That didn’t seem okay. Are you alright?”
• Include the person who is being left out
• Offer to be a witness or back up their account
• Refuse to join in gossip

Low-risk ways to step in

• Change the subject or bring the meeting back to the agenda
• Ask the target to step out with you (“Can I grab you for a minute?”)
• Say “Let’s keep it respectful”
• Back up the person’s point: “I’d like to hear what Sam was saying.”

Being a witness in a harassment complaint or answering questions in an investigation is protected. It is illegal to punish someone for it.

Ask the person first what they want, if you can. Some may want you to report; others may need time.

Seeing someone mistreated can leave you anxious, guilty or worried you’re next. Many workplaces offer a free, confidential Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that can help.

An EEOC task force found that leaders must show it is urgent to prevent harassment, and that accountability systems must hold people who harass responsible, whatever their role.

Good practice

• A written policy that covers bullying, not only illegal harassment
• More than one way to report, including outside the person’s line manager
• Prompt, fair investigations
• Clear protection from retaliation

The EEOC task force pointed to civility training (promoting respect in general) and bystander training as approaches that may help prevent harassment.

As a manager

1. Thank them and take it seriously
2. Ask what they need to feel safe right now
3. Follow your workplace process and involve HR
4. Keep it as confidential as you can
5. Check in again, and watch for retaliation

Steps from Cleveland Clinic

• Focus on the parts of your job you can influence
• Get support from a therapist or a coach in your field
• Lean on supportive coworkers
• Take mental health breaks during the day

If nothing improves, it may be time to look for a new job. Leaving a harmful job is not quitting on yourself.

Ideas

• List skills and wins from before the bullying
• Ask a trusted colleague what they value in your work
• Keep a folder of thank-you messages and praise
• Notice harsh inner thoughts, and answer them as you would a friend

Things that help

• A simple routine: sleep, meals, movement
• Time with people who see the real you
• Grounding or slow breathing when anxious thoughts spiral
• Talking with a counselor, or your Employee Assistance Program