Money avoidance & bill dread

Mental health & money

United States

The NHS notes that mental health struggles can lead to avoiding or ignoring money issues, like leaving bills unopened or not paying them. It is a common way of coping with fear, not a sign of laziness.

It might look like

• A growing pile of unopened envelopes
• Deleting emails from your bank without reading them
• Feeling sick at the sound of the doorbell or phone
• Letting calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail
• Never checking your balance, or checking it again and again
• Putting off taxes or forms for months

Researchers have a name for this: the “ostrich effect”. In one study, investors checked their accounts more often when markets were rising, and less when markets were flat or falling. People tend to look away from news they expect to be bad.

A wide review found that people often avoid information even when it is useful and free, because of how it might make them feel.

Researchers studying money beliefs found four common patterns: money avoidance, money worship, money status and money vigilance. Three of the four were linked to people’s income and net worth.

There is hope in the research too. Scores on the money avoidance scale were higher in younger people and fell steadily with age, which suggests these beliefs can change.

Money and mental health affect each other in both directions. Money worry can lower mood, and low mood can make it harder to deal with money.

This is not meant to scare you. Knowing what can happen may help you find the reason to take one small step.

Facing something we fear in small, planned steps helps the fear shrink over time. Start low on the ladder and only move up when a step feels a bit easier.

An example money ladder

1. Gather all the envelopes into one box. Don’t open them yet.
2. Sort them by sender, still unopened.
3. Open one envelope from the least scary sender.
4. Write the amount and due date on a list, then stop.
5. Open the rest, a few at a time, over several days.
6. Log in and look at your bank balance for one minute.
7. Make one call or send one message about a bill.

Make each step easier

• Ask a friend to sit with you
• Plan a small reward for afterwards
• Put on calming music
• Set a timer for 10 minutes and stop when it rings

When money worry hits, your body can react as if you are in danger. Calming your body first makes it easier for your thinking brain to take over.

A one-minute reset

1. Put both feet flat on the floor.
2. Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four.
3. Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of six.
4. Repeat five times.
5. Say to yourself: “I’m just looking. Looking is safe.”

Many people find phone calls about money very stressful. That is common, and there are often other ways to get things done.

If someone you love has a pile of unopened bills, they probably already feel ashamed. Judgment will make them hide more. Warmth makes it easier to start.

Ways to help

• Offer to sit with them while they open mail
• Help sort letters into piles without reading them aloud
• Celebrate each small step
• Remind them that many people struggle with this
• Share free help, like a nonprofit credit counselor

Things to avoid

• Lecturing or saying “why didn’t you just open it?”
• Taking over completely without asking
• Sharing their situation with others

If avoidance is tied to low mood, anxiety or other mental health struggles, talking with a doctor or counselor can help with both the feelings and the money tasks.

Free help in the U.S.

• 211: call 211 or visit 211.org for local help with bills, food and housing
• Nonprofit credit counseling: nfcc.org

If you are struggling emotionally

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org (free, 24/7)
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 (free, 24/7)
• Outside the U.S.: findahelpline.com lists free helplines in many countries