Women in patriarchal families & communities: the weight on your mind

Every culture holds beauty and wisdom. The harm comes from rules that take away a woman’s voice and choices, wherever they appear.

Psychologists who work with women are asked to respect each woman’s culture and faith, and to notice how strict gender rules affect her wellbeing.

Spirituality and religion often protect wellbeing. Control that is done in the name of faith is still control.

Quiet control can look like being the one who always serves, always gives way, and is never asked what she wants. It can be just as heavy as open rules.

UNDP found that close to 9 in 10 people hold at least one basic bias against women, such as believing men make better leaders. These beliefs shape homes as well as workplaces.

UNFPA found that only 55% of women, in the countries with data, can make their own choices about their health care, contraception and whether to have sex.

A large study of married women in Mozambique found that women who decided on their own health care had much lower odds of depression and anxiety.

UNESCO counts 133 million girls out of school worldwide. Almost two-thirds of the 739 million adults without basic reading skills are women.

Being taken out of school is one of the warning signs UK government guidance lists for forced marriage.

Karma Nirvana, a UK charity, lists pressure to marry young or marry someone you didn’t choose, and being told divorce is “dishonourable”, as examples of honour-based abuse.

About 700 million women worldwide have no financial account of their own. One reason women give is that a family member already has one.

Having wages taken away is listed by UK guidance as a sign of financial control.

Psychologists note that some women come from settings where they were not allowed to drive, travel or make other personal choices, and that this can shape how they see themselves later.

Being kept at home and closely watched are among the warning signs in UK government guidance.

Research links “self-silencing” and a lack of control to lower wellbeing in women who face sexism.

Nearly half of people worldwide believe men make better political leaders, and two in five believe men make better business leaders. These beliefs can make it harder for women to be heard at home, too.

About half of women take part in paid work worldwide, compared with nearly three in four men. Women also do about 2.4 more hours a day of unpaid care work.

Living with constant rules and fear of getting it wrong is a form of ongoing stress. Over time, that can show up as worry, poor sleep, tiredness and feeling low.

Psychologists report that women who face discrimination are more likely to feel depressed and have lower self-esteem, partly because they may take in the negative messages around them.

Isolation and low self-esteem are listed in UK guidance as signs that someone may be under serious family pressure.

In a study of 8,488 married women in Mozambique, women who decided on their own health care had less than half the odds of probable depression of women whose partner or others decided.

Studies like this show a link, not proof of cause. But they match what many women describe: having a say helps.

WHO says gender inequality is a root cause of violence against women. Violence can lead to depression, post-traumatic stress, anxiety and suicide attempts.

Self-silencing is linked to lower wellbeing in women who face sexism. Speaking about pain, even to one safe person, is not complaining. It is caring for yourself.

You are not responsible for someone else’s abusive behaviour. Only the person doing it is responsible for it.

Karma Nirvana says the key sign of honour-based abuse is feeling shamed by family or community for your beliefs or choices.

Honour that depends on controlling a woman is a heavy load to put on one person.

Caring for others is a strength. You can keep that strength and still have needs that matter.

Karma Nirvana lists being threatened or shamed for studying, using social media or living independently as examples of honour-based abuse.

Psychologists encourage helping women build a sense of personal power, so they can resist taking in messages that leave them feeling powerless.

Guilt is a feeling, not a verdict. It may simply mean you were taught that your wishes don’t count. You can notice it without obeying it.

Getting support is not betrayal. Talking in confidence to a counsellor or helpline can help you think clearly without anyone else knowing.

Loss of chances is a real loss, even if no one around you names it. Letting yourself grieve can make room for what is still possible.

Fear of being cut off from family if you say no is one of the warning signs of forced marriage listed by U.S. immigration services.

Karma Nirvana lists being threatened with being disowned for your choices as a form of honour-based abuse.

The World Bank studied 190 economies. Once laws on violence and childcare were counted, women had fewer than two-thirds of men’s legal rights, and no country offered fully equal opportunity.

Countries have also built less than 40% of the systems needed to put equal laws into practice.

UNDP’s Gender Social Norms Index used surveys from 91 countries covering 85% of the world’s people. Biases were held by both men and women.

WHO estimates that about 31.6% of women worldwide, around 840 million, have experienced physical or sexual violence. Harmful gender norms that limit women’s freedom are a key risk factor.

Psychologists note that women who move from settings with strict limits may need time to work out which beliefs they have taken in, and how they fit into a new culture.

Avoid criticising her culture, faith or family. She may love them deeply. Focus on her feelings and what she wants.

UK government guidance warns against family mediation in forced marriage cases and notes that people have been killed during mediation.

It also says relatives, friends and community leaders should not act as her interpreters or advocates.

Breaking her trust can close a door she may only open once. UK guidance calls this the “one chance” rule.

You can call a helpline yourself for advice on how to help. Karma Nirvana and the National Domestic Violence Hotline both support people worried about someone else.